Ack! What do I do? (Phone call issues!!)

[rabid_child]

:help:
To make a long story short, I ran into a former client at the grocery store today, and we chatted a while, then he was parked near me outside with his doggie so I said hi to the dog and we chatted some more, and he gave me his number and told me to call him sometime and that we should get together sometime.

Now, while I'm rarely shy in person (and not at all shy on the internet!!) I am absolutely deathly shy on the phone. Once I realized that he was hitting one me, I was sort of too flabergasted to do something like give him MY phone number and leave that pressure to him. He is cute, and a nice guy, and he gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek when I said g'bye, but he's also older than me, recently divorced, and has 10 m/o twin daughters.

What do I do?! I kind of want to call him, but I'm totally freaked out. What in the world do I say? How do I not sound like a complete moron if I do call him?! And I feel like its a bad time cause its around Christmas, and people are all doing stuff. And I don't want to really BE with anyone right now, I wouldn't mind hanging out, and he is a nice guy, and I'm never EVER hit on, so I'm really flattered. I'm so confused.

[Dirty Martini]

If you want to go out with him, call him, tell him it was nice to see him, and invite him out for coffee. Figure out a time & agree to meet up. Tell him you're terrible on the phone and that you're looking forward to seeing him, and say good bye. Just try to slip it in somewhere that you don't really like the phone so that he doesn't feel like you're trying to get him off the phone. He'll probably be so happy that you asked him out that he won't care about spending more than 2 minutes on the phone.

Otherwise, if you don't want to go out with him, don't call him. :p

[cymbeline]

Just to give you some response (since this might be complicated) I'd give the opinion that you wait until January. If he's that interested, he can wait. Maybe someone else has another clue.

[Jes]

Can't you...email him? That's always such a nice easy option as far as being cute and flirtatious with no pressure.

Or just call when you know he's gonna be at work, so that you can leave a cute and witty message.

[bumble]

No!

Never call a man! That would be hunting! He is the hunter.He has to call you,ask you out and find you.No matter what.
Just wait and see what transpires.You are not totally sure what you want,so throwing yourself into the "fire" would be premature or if you know what you want it would be desperate!
Keep busy,relax ad wait to reconnect.He has to make the fist move and the second ect..
That way you KNOW he is truely interested.
If you are single,go buy the "Rules Book".Get busy and wait for the man who will fight for your attention,otherwise it is a waste of time.

Good Luck and dont ever call a man!
:)Huggs!

[bumble]

Oh,if you only have his number and he does not have yours,a quick message saying "this is my number give me call" is all that is needed.He HAS to decide to take you out,date,pick you up ect...
I would prefer he found you at your work place,but if that is not possible,a quick,calm,non-emotional call to him is all that is needed .He has to be the one to show further intrest ie: date,dinner,would like to see you ect..

:)

[Miss Meg]

No!

Never call a man! That would be hunting!


are you being serious here??

[Miss Meg]

my advice would be if you don't want to actually have a long conversation then think of something you can invite him to go do before you call that way you have an actual purpose for calling. You can just say hey, I need someone to come with me to the x-y-z and I thought it might be something you might enjoy as well. And when you gives you an answer you can say, ok great I was just on my break I need to get back to work, here is my number if you want to call. If he seems cute then go for it, you never know what could happen. :) ;)

[FalafelsRule]

No!

Never call a man! That would be hunting! He is the hunter.He has to call you,ask you out and find you.No matter what.



That's crazy. This isn't the "old" days.

[FalafelsRule]

He has to be the one to show further intrest ie: date,dinner,would like to see you ect..
:)

Negative. Women who ask men out are incredibly sexy! I don't have much respect for women who sit around and wait for the man to do everything. I'm willing to bet that you also think that women should never pay for a date, too (FTR, it is best for they guy to pay sometimes and the gal to pay sometimes, it shows more personal charecter). :stinkeye:

[Foxy]

No!

Never call a man! That would be hunting! He is the hunter.He has to call you,ask you out and find you.No matter what.
Just wait and see what transpires.You are not totally sure what you want,so throwing yourself into the "fire" would be premature or if you know what you want it would be desperate!
Keep busy,relax ad wait to reconnect.He has to make the fist move and the second ect..
That way you KNOW he is truely interested.
If you are single,go buy the "Rules Book".Get busy and wait for the man who will fight for your attention,otherwise it is a waste of time.

Good Luck and dont ever call a man!
:)Huggs!

Hello, and welcome to 1953, where nice girls "don't" and women are submissive, manipulative, play silly sexist games and are barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen where they belong:stinkeye:

Oh, sorry! I got caugt in the obvious time warp/sexist paradigm... :sleep:


Rabid, I thoguht you had a boyfriend. I guess I remember you saying "the guy I am seeing" not "my boyfriend" if I think about it...at any rate, it feels nice to be crushed on, doesnt it?

I think if you are truly interested, you'll have to get over your fear of phone and call him. Coffee is great; a movie and then coffee is better, IMO, because you get to spend time together without the pressure of "nothing to chat about" (you won't be talking during the movie and afterwards, you'll *have* something in common to discuss).

Good luck and have fun!

[Elena99]

I think that if you don't want to date him, wait a day or two before you call him. Otherwise, if you call him the next day, it sends the message that you were thinking about him and are quite interested. Someone who wants to be a friend, however, could wait a couple of days before calling.

What you say is: "Hi, how are you? That was neat running into you the other day. What are you up to these days? How are your twin girls?" etc. He's expecting a call, so he'll have conversational bits too, I'm sure.

[rabid_child]

Bumble -- he doesn't have my number. i was a little, like, dumb? confused? when he gave me his number, because its not something that has like, EVER happened. Later on when I came to my senses more, I realized I should have given him mine, and then I wouldn't have to think about it, but whatever. I don't believe that girls shouldn't call people?? I just believe that I'm a weenie. I feel like he DID make the first move by talking to me in the store, then I felt like he was almost waiting for me to come out (he knew I was right behind him pretty much), but thanks for the advice just the same.

Foxy -- The guy I'm seeing is really more that than anything. There's never been any discussion of committment, exclusivity, and we've been known to go weeks between phone calls and weeks->a month in between seeing each other because other things come up or whatever. I rather like it like that :P I am pending grad school admission right now that would move me a couple hundred miles away, and I like having people to go out with, but don't want the added complication of a relationship + me moving.

Anywho, thanks everyone. I didn't plan on calling him 'til next week or maybe after the holidays? Seems like a weird time to call now because if I did make plans, they wouldn't be for like 3 wks or something... maybe I'll call after Christmas and ask him how his holiday was or something lame :D

[sealife]

Good luck when ever you decide to call him. + (How often do clients kiss you on the cheak huh??? :naughty: )

Well anyway...If I'm calling a guy for the first time.. I try to do so in the afternoon or in the evening . The way I see it,in the night it's Booty-Call time. :whip:

Just something I do... after the first time, if everything goes well... those late night booty-calls can be fun! (grrrrr....)

ps- Why do I feel like I might get attacked here for being old fashioned . :ymca:

[rabid_child]

Jes -- I wish I could email him! I'm so freakin good in email. Hell, i'm fine in person. its the damn phone that gets me every time. *sighs*

Okay, so I was having a discussion about this with my friend at the gym. I think my biggest issue here is that I'm in a state of disbelief that anyone would actually have any interest in me. So i'm like, "Yea, he gave me his number, but I don't think he'd actually want me to call." Like there was some other underlying social constraint that made him give me his number and ask me to call him, sort of like saying excuse me when you bump into someone or holding the door when someone is walking out behind you. The pieces of my life I am insecure in are odd and scattered, but this is definitely one of them. I feel like, regardless of whether I hold any true interest in this man, I need to call him just to prove to myself that I am not a total freak and that I am capable of making some sort of move, and that people can be interested in me at random. I don't know.

[carnelian]

I'm with ya on waiting until after the holidays to call him. As others have suggested, coffee for starters is a good move. If you have access to a place like Borders Books, you can have coffee and live musical entertainment, which might be nice. Good luck!

[bumble]

No,it is not 1953..I just think it is the Man's job to pursue a woman in the beginning of the relationship.That way you know he is truely interested in you.Women throw themselves at men all the time and end up hurt and used.
And yes,FR,a man SHOULD pay for the first two or so dates..then the woman should pitch in,make a meal,pay for the movie ect..

It's not old-fashioned,it's called dating ettiquette.

Does a woman normally propose marriage?...not normally.

So,with that in mind,he holds some cards and if you are looking for a long-term relationship there a certain things a woman should do to protect herself from men who just want to get laid ect..

Those are my oppinions on dating,if you want a long-term relationship ie: marriage.

[chiaraluna]

Argh, I'm the same way on the phone... I'd say just get the necessary and dreaded call out of the way as soon as possible after Christmas, and ask him to do something pleasantly noncommittal like go for coffee or to a movie or to grab a quick lunch or something. While I am anti-phone call, I don't see anything at all wrong with a woman asking a man out and I think that you should go for it. He wouldn't have given you his number if he weren't interested in you. :)

Good luck :D

[FalafelsRule]

No,it is not 1953..I just think it is the Man's job to pursue a woman in the beginning of the relationship.That way you know he is truely interested in you.Women throw themselves at men all the time and end up hurt and used.
And yes,FR,a man SHOULD pay for the first two or so dates..then the woman should pitch in,make a meal,pay for the movie ect..

It's not old-fashioned,it's called dating ettiquette.




I hear you, Bumble. I am glad to hear that you don't feel that a guy should always pay.

BTW, men get hurt and used by women, too. Take for example a guy who always pays for dates and buys a gal things. In some cases, women use these type of guys for strictly that.

[rabid_child]

I've always insisted on alternating payments for dates. If he paid last time, its my turn to pay. I am not incapacitated, I do work, I make my own money, and if he isn't watching two movies or eating two meals, I don't see why he should have to pay every time.
Then again, I've never dated anyone with a substantially better income than me, so I can't say that if I were dating someone who was quite wealthy, I wouldn't have a problem with him paying every time. But thats never happened, so I guess I'll worry about it when it does.

Okay then, the plan is.. I'll call him the week between Christmas and New Years. Or the week after New Years. Heck, if he remebered my name after not seeing me for over a year, a week or two won't hurt anything.

[FalafelsRule]

That's cool, Rabid.

[bethanie]

Hmmmmmm...I'd be very wary bumble of getting involved at all with a guy who is recently divorced with two kids ten months of age...did I read that right? What I read into that is not at all ready to be with someone new--or going to be carrying a LOT of baggage around. Seriously.

[bethanie]

No,it is not 1953..I just think it is the Man's job to pursue a woman in the beginning of the relationship.That way you know he is truely interested in you.Women throw themselves at men all the time and end up hurt and used.
And yes,FR,a man SHOULD pay for the first two or so dates..then the woman should pitch in,make a meal,pay for the movie ect..

It's not old-fashioned,it's called dating ettiquette.

Does a woman normally propose marriage?...not normally.

So,with that in mind,he holds some cards and if you are looking for a long-term relationship there a certain things a woman should do to protect herself from men who just want to get laid ect..

Those are my oppinions on dating,if you want a long-term relationship ie: marriage.

EEK, dating ettiquette? How bout just being kind to another human being, seeing what transpires with various efforts from both parties and going with that.

I proposed marriage to my X...course he is my X, but I don't think because I am the one who proposed. Sigh....

I don't believe in either party 'holding cards'...that would suggest you are playing at some sort of game.

B

[rabid_child]

Hmmmmmm...I'd be very wary bumble of getting involved at all with a guy who is recently divorced with two kids ten months of age...did I read that right? What I read into that is not at all ready to be with someone new--or going to be carrying a LOT of baggage around. Seriously.

Yea, I'm aware of this. I'm not looking to marry the guy, or even be in a serious relationship with him, or really anything resembling a relationship. I enjoy getting to know people, making new friends, without worrying too much about the long term. As I said, if all goes as plans, I'll be moving upstate at the end of the summer, and I'm not going to be dragging around a bf or trying to work out something long distance.

[bethanie]

Well...if that's all you're looking for, then call him. ;)