Another Depression Cause?

[organica]

The thread about animal abuse causing depression made me think, is that the main cause of my depression? And then I discovered an even deeper cause in myself: feelings of worthlessness.
A lot of the worthlessness does stem from people telling me how wrong I am about animal rights. I get in a lot of fights on boards over things related to A/R, & I argue passionately, get bashed & then feel worthless.
I also feel worthless from a loveless abusive childhood & current poverty. I have to receive a disability pension because I earn so little despite working 7 days a week (minimum wage, limited hours), & that makes me feel guilty & worthless.
Sorry, I guess I'm venting, but that worthless feeling just ruins my brain. It's so persisstent drugs & CBT (congnitive behavioural therapy) haven't put a dent in it.
I don't know what else to do so I am pushing my doc for heavier drugs now: mood stabilizers. I'm already on a high dose antipsychotic that doesn't help the depression.
I just want to blot out the feeling so badly.
I promise this is the last whiny post about it, but I wanted to see if anyone else knew this particular problem of worthlessness first-hand.

[soybean81]

yup, going through it right now...i was on a mood stabilizer (trileptal) and also celexa. i have stopped taking both now because they made me incapable of being normal and having motivation. so now i'm just dealing with it on my own, which isn't going very well.

i don't really let what people say affect me anymore, but i still get down when i think about/hear about/see atrocities against animals. and i do feel worthless most of the time, but i think that has to do with a crappy childhood and not feeling like i'm accomplishing anything at this point in my life.

if you want to talk, PM me.


The thread about animal abuse causing depression made me think, is that the main cause of my depression? And then I discovered an even deeper cause in myself: feelings of worthlessness.
A lot of the worthlessness does stem from people telling me how wrong I am about animal rights. I get in a lot of fights on boards over things related to A/R, & I argue passionately, get bashed & then feel worthless.
I also feel worthless from a loveless abusive childhood & current poverty. I have to receive a disability pension because I earn so little despite working 7 days a week (minimum wage, limited hours), & that makes me feel guilty & worthless.
Sorry, I guess I'm venting, but that worthless feeling just ruins my brain. It's so persisstent drugs & CBT (congnitive behavioural therapy) haven't put a dent in it.
I don't know what else to do so I am pushing my doc for heavier drugs now: mood stabilizers. I'm already on a high dose antipsychotic that doesn't help the depression.
I just want to blot out the feeling so badly.
I promise this is the last whiny post about it, but I wanted to see if anyone else knew this particular problem of worthlessness first-hand.

[azure]

hello Organica..
im new here..felt compelled to respond to your post.
im so sorry youre struggling.i can certainly relate.
i think that when one comes from a history of abuse it is so imporatant
to have one's feelings and beliefs validated.when they are not a person's self worth can certainly become shaky.
i too am on disability and i am lucky to have finally found an excellent therapist whom ive been with for 4 years.
i did cbt for a year but at the time i think i was a bit too messed up to get much out of it..tho now i am grateful to have learned how to be more concious of my self defeating thought patterns.
my therapist works from an existentialist school of thought and for me that has been something that makes a lot of sense.im noton meds anymore but i do still battle anxiety and depression.
you are obviously a very compassionate person.
have some compassion for yourself alright?
many people who come from harsh childhoods choose to channel
their anger into hurting others.
but you have not.you are a voice for the voiceless
and that is a most inspiring thing.
take care of you,
azure.

[ebola]

>>I don't know what else to do so I am pushing my doc for heavier drugs now: mood stabilizers. I'm already on a high dose antipsychotic that doesn't help the depression.>>

have you been diagnosed with any disorders other than depression?
antipsychotics are typically somewhat dysphoric, and may actually exacerbate depression. I'm not sure if more meds would necessarily be the thing.

...but, you should take what I say with a grain of salt. I don't take any psychiatric medication (except sporadically for recreational purposes) and have not been diagnosed with any psychiatric disorders. More often than not, my mood is flat...almost robotic. :|

ebola

[ForestGlade34]

We should have an Ebola smiley resembling your southpark avatar.

And dysphoric, I can only assume that is the opposite of euphoric (high spirits).

[ForestGlade34]

The thread about animal abuse causing depression made me think, is that the main cause of my depression? And then I discovered an even deeper cause in myself: feelings of worthlessness.
A lot of the worthlessness does stem from people telling me how wrong I am about animal rights.

Please come to your senses and realize you are in no fit state to be helping others, including animals. If not still doing this I'm sure you are tempted to be helping animals even though at this moment you cannot be expected to do any good. None of which is a reflection on you, and so you must now take a well earned rest from AR, by the fact I'm concerned for you in your present state which will only make you more vulnerable to attack by others disagreeing with you on the subject of animals!... so tend to yourself first, and get better preferably with the MIMINAL amount of drug assistance as possible, like I thought you were going to do.



I also feel worthless from a loveless abusive childhood & current poverty. I have to receive a disability pension because I earn so little despite working 7 days a week (minimum wage, limited hours), & that makes me feel guilty & worthless.So you have a bad underpaid job, this does not make you worthless if you look at things objectively, its just a very unfortunate cycle which life has presented to you thru sheer bad luck, as though life is telling something such as "you don't deserve any better" and you let this be said to yourself and you start to believe its your deserved fate to be in this negative unprosperous environment.
Its not that you are worthless, it is only your perception caused by what goes on around you, and the unceasing reinforement that somehow says to you, you are worthless, but this is not true. You are just a victim of circumstance don't you see?
You cannot be to blame for that if conditions and odds are against you to stay well, and you are especially not to blame for your upbringing!!!




I promise this is the last whiny post about it, but I wanted to see if anyone else knew this particular problem of worthlessness first-hand.
Please don't apologize :) Instead simply accept that you are in need, and
besides you don't sound whiney.

BTW: I know totally nothing about drugs, since I've always denied myself the use of them GLADLY :) and I hope you have the strength
to as well. Being on drugs now for you, maybe necessary, but just think of the day you'll be saying "I DONT NEED DRUGS; drugs need me!!!"......
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^In other words, drugs CAN BE the ILL, if taken in excess and the more dependant you become and so on.... so to prevent over-dependancy, perhaps what to do is cut down on the excess of useless or mediocre (non effective) drugs and use a heavier drug sparingly, and so broadly speaking, I blindly suggest (since I know nothing about drugs) not to make a cocktail of the damn drugs. COMMON SENSE TELL ME>> IF you really NEED[??] the heavier drug as a SHORT TERM recourse, at least cut out some of the unnecessary drugs first before accepting or attempting use of any knock-out remedial drug.

Feel free to PM me :hug: even if only to say how badly or worthless things are. THIS IS REAL FOR YOU, SO YOU NEED NOT APOLOGIZE :)