This is my first posting in this sub-forum. Mostly because I've been afraid of what people will say when I write about my issues. But I need to say something, so here goes.

Okay. I am having major body issues. When I was younger (early 20's) I was thin. I was popular. I received a lot of attention from men. Over the past 6-8 years, I've gained 30 lbs, making me a not-too-overweight 150 (I'm 5;6.5"). So what's the problem, right? That's what my friends say. But I feel terrible about gaining so much weight. I feel like a different person. I feel like strangers act differently towards me.

At first, when my jeans would be difficult to button, I'd pretend that the dryer was shrinking my clothes. I even avoided shopping because I couldn't fit into the 5s & 7s that I used to wear. I recently went and bought things that fit (13s and X-lgs) and for a while I was okay (having clothes that fit are sooo much better then ones that are too small) but now I'm depressed again.

I don't go out like I used to, and when I do it's my beautiful and thin (size 5) friends who gets the attention, not me anymore (I admit, I'm jealous). I recently hooked up with someone at a party, but even though my friends say I should call him because he had a genuine good time with me, I am too afraid to. I just KNOW that he liked me b/c of beer-goggles and that if he sees me he'll be embarassed about hanging out with me (he was in good shape).

I've started binge eating (boxes of mac & cheese, bags of chips and cookies, entire bag of Doritos with entire container of sour cream, etc.). I drink by myself because it makes me feel better (or at least sleepier). I don't go exersize in the gym in my apartment complex b/c I'm embarassed that people will be thinking nasty things about me.

I don't know why I think this stuff, because I think I'm doing okay generally. I don't think I'm actually depressed or anything, just in a rut. I just feel stupid and embarassed about it. And when I mention going on a diet to anyone, they tell me I don't need to. But I want to be size 5 again! Why is that important to me? I don't know. Do I think everyone needs to be size 5 to be cool or attractive? No. I just am unhappy with myself. Agh!!! Why?!

I'm afraid you'll tell me that I shouldn't worry about my weight. That's what my friends say when I mention anything negative about myself, but it doesn't help. I mean, I used to be popular and pretty and now I'm not. Maybe if I had a better attitude about myself, boys would like me better, but if I don't think I'm as good as I used to be how do I do that convincingly?

Anyway, I think this is rambling and stupid of me to do, but I'm going to post it before I stop myself. And if you can tell me that I'm not stupid and just to hang in there, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks.

Anyway, I think this is rambling and stupid of me to do, but I'm going to post it before I stop myself. And if you can tell me that I'm not stupid and just to hang in there, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks.

you're not stupid. hang in there. :yes:


we live in a society that places a lot of value on what people look like. the ideal is to be thin. if you don't fit into that ideal you become an affront to that ideal.

if you want to look a different way then you have to put effort into it. it's not about diet, it's about lifestyle. eat right, exercise, and find something you can do (or someone you can talk to) when you are tempted to not take care of yourself. and not just someone who will say, stop being silly.

more importantly, IMO, though is to start learning to love yourself the way you are. this will take time. it will not happen overnight. it's a process and only you can get you there. more important than how you look is how you feel. exercise will make you feel better. eating healthy foods will make you feel better. train yourself to believe you are beautiful and worthy. because YOU ARE.

you'll stil have days where you might not like yourself. but you will gradually learn to accept and then love yourself. this is an active process. it takes an active mindset. but you can get there. loving yourself is not reaching a size 5. it's not getting boys to like you. it's being content with who you are.

Just hang in there :) Listen to some happy music, go dancing, whatever you like to do. Binging on unhealthy foods is only going to make you feel worse. And 150 at 5'6.5" isn't overweight. It's within the ideal range prescribed by most doctors. In any case, even if it does sound like a tired cliche, any guy who isn't into you because you're not a size 5 isn't worth your time.

I don't think you should be worried about your weight, but I think you should concentrate on dealing with what makes you feel badly about your weight and what has caused you to to develop some self-destructive behaviors (ie. binge eating). I don't know you, but from some of the things you wrote it seems that, since you were young, you based a lot of your self-worth on your appearance. It's good to feel good about how you look, but that's not enough. Binge eating generally is an attempt to fill some emotional void, but it's also having the added effect of making you gain weight and feel worse about your body. Do you feel good about other things about yourself? Your intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, skills, etc.? If not, I would say you should concentrate on doing the things you like to do and accomplishing non-body-related goals. Although you say you're not depressed, it also might be a good idea to talk to a counselor/therapist to help you work through these issues and develop some strategies for dealing with them. And no, there's nothing wrong with you. Many, many women go through the same thing.

First of all big hugs :hug: I can relate to how you are feeling. I have been fit all of my life, but when I got pregnant with my son I gained over 50 pounds, I mean I really let myself go - I ate without abandon and ate lots of junk (oh if I could go back in time and do things over :-/ ). Anyhow, after the birth of my son I was still 30 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight (I was the exact height and weight you are now) I was really depressed for a while, I finally went to a doctor and found out that I had a thyroid disorder, I started taking thyroid replacement hormones and that helped some, but it wasn't until I decided to get serious about getting back into shape that my life really turned around. I started researching nutrition (and went veg :) ) and fitness. The first step I took was to put on my running shoes and go for a jog around my apartment complex every night, after a couple weeks I noticed that my clothes were all getting a lot looser so that really encouraged me to pay attention to my calories. I started keeping a food journal and tracking how many calories I was eating (that REALLY helped keep me from binging or eating junk - I didn't want to ruin all my hard work!) Eventually I started working out in the gym doing weights several times a week in addition to running, and 6 months later I was wearing a smaller size than I did in high school and in the best shape of my life (and a year later, still am).
The hardest part is getting started, but just take it one day at a time, start keeping a food journal and lace up your tennis shoes tonight and go for a jog that is the best advice I can give you and I promise you will feel better :) There is something about exercise that can completely transform your mood and energy level. In no time you will start to see and feel a big difference in your physical and mental health. :)

Good luck sweetie!

Christine :)

Christine's advice is very good. I am 5'5" and I weighed around 120 before I got pregnant with my daughter. Now, don't fall over when you read this but I gained 80 pounds! I ended up losing it all and getting back to my original weight but not without a lot of hard work. The same thing happened with my son and again I had to work very hard to get back to my normal weight. That was all fine and good because I was able to do it but then about a year ago I just started feeling so tired and depressed and I gained about 20 pounds. I felt horrible and went to the doctor. I ended up having hypothyroid! I went on medication and it took a while to feel better. But I have just done a little at a time and started working out more and gradually I have felt better and better. The key was finding something I could do that I enjoyed. The hardest part for me is that I just didn't want to give up any of the food I was eating. I tend to eat very healthy but just too large of portions. I didn't want to go on a diet or starve myself, I just can't do that. So I changed small things. The key though, is you have to love yourself right here, right now. If that isn't the case then all the dieting and working out in the world will not help.


Good luck.

aww.... if it makes you feel any better, I'm 5'6" and 150 pounds. I sometimes feel gross and obese and nasty, but who doesn't at times? Our society often compels us to feel that way so that we buy stuff.

One thing that I have learned recently is that people respond not to how you LOOK but how you FEEL about yourself. If you feel down & depressed about yourself, people "sense" that and they don't respond positively. In the past year, I have recovered from chronic depression and feel much better about who I am and how I look even though I have tummy pudge. And you know what? People respond differently to me now!! They talk to me, I get hit on, I go out and I have a *fab* time - because I want to be happy and enjoy being out.

My point is that HEY I have the same body shape as you, I have had the same image problems, and once I had a change of mindset, I discovered that people respond to my MOOD, not my appearance. I can't tell you how to force yourself to be in a good mood. But what helps me is wearing nicer clothing (no more boy-cut t-shirts!!), wearing makeup, and doing my hair. When I do that, I feel more attractive and I feel better about myself. And it puts me in a better mood.

Also, just be yourself. Talk to people - ask them about themselves, become interested in what they do and just be a genuine person. People respond positively to that, and you'll notice that this positive response will actually reflect back on you - you'll start to feel good about yourself because you're having a fun conversation.

Darlin, it's ok to have a pity-fest every once in a while. But don't let it become a habit. Life's too short! Love your body, size 13 and all. Go out and buy yourself a sexy top once in a while - and wear it out. I guarantee you that people will look at you. Then you can think, "damn straight, I'm hot!!" :yes:

I bet you look awesome. If anything, just start working out to feel good about yourself and firm up your muscles! Its hard to feel good about yourself after gaining weight- I know because I went from 140 to 175 lbs. (I am 5'3) in a matter of three months. It has been incredibly hard on my self esteem. And yet, you still deserve a life, you don't need to stay cooped up, drinking, binging, and depressed. You have to start rewriting your thoughts about your body, start thinking positive and working towards finding yourself attractive. There is more to life than your weight...feel free to stop by the Living Large thread sometime. :up:

gyms can be difficult environments, particularly for women. i would scope out your apartment complex's gym and see when it's basicly empty. it may be a good time to go, because then no one is there to think about you, even though they aren't anyway. it's pretty uncommon for apt. gyms to be packed, and then it's a matter of being consistant.

the other thing about binging is that assuming it's not an eating disorder, it's a pattern that is fairly simple to break. one of the things that i do is i start by moving toward foods that you know support your health and well being. But, that doesn't mean that it's easy to give up the other stuff. so, perhaps you'll say "i'll have this number of whatever for dessert today" and then, if you crave anything else, put it in the fridge until your 'cheat day' which should probably be saturday or sunday. you'll find that, in time, you won't crave much, if anything.

the main thing is to start changing your mind and changing your behavoirs at the same time. it's really helpful to do it simultaneously. that's what i do, whenever i need to make a change.

hope it helps.

Thanks, all. I actually went and worked out with my friend (all one hundred and five pounds of her) in her apartment's gym last night. And, even though it was for less than an hour, I feel better just having done it.

Your encouraging words were, well, very very encouraging. And made this weekend a hopeful one. Thank you! I'll try to move around a bit more, try to eat healthier (started a food journal yesterday), try to keep myself positive in order to BE more positive, and try not to worry so much about what everyone thinks about how I look (or MIGHT be thinking, which is what always gets me...I have an overactive imagination).

And what eggplant said about me equating my self-worth with my appearance... I hadn't really thought about it in a while, but I realized how much I've changed from the little girl who was happy with herself even though she was SUCH a dweeb in school (with these huge blue plastic framed glasses--you know, the HUGE ones) that she didn't have a date until I was 19... And then suddenly POW I was suddenly noticed by people (must've been the contacts?) and that superficial part (that had been lurking in the background) totally took over. It totally took me by surprise and maybe I forgot about the rest of me, who just wanted to watch NOVA and hang out with friends, etc. So, no more indulging that part (easy to say, right?) and more concentrating on who I really am.

Seriously, I'm grateful for all your kind words and ideas. :)

hey, i didn't have dates until i was 20. that doesn't mean that i was an undesireable girl (physically), just that i was a needy, over-zealous pain in the butt.

So what if you have something there to hug? I get told all of the time by guys that I should gain weight. My BMI is in the high 14 range. I know for a fact that the guy I have my eye on right now thinks I am too skinny. And i've seen the girls he has been with. They seem to be about your size.


P.S. Binge eating doesn't solve anything.