My Mother And Surgery

[Bankruptor]

I know this type of post is about as interesting as maggots on a carcass but I thought maybe some of you guys had been through this or know someone who had. My mother, who is 77 years old, has been having left knee troubles for the past several years. She's been to a doc who has been encouraging her to get a knee replacement but so far she's fought him off and has just been getting some temporary relief with cortisone and other drug injections. However, this past Saturday, something happened to her knee and it "broke", for lack of a better term, and she can't walk on it anymore without using a walker. She went and got another shot but the doc said she was just going to have to get it replaced, so she's got an appointment November 9 for the surgery. The last time she had a general anesthetic was to have a bladder tack and she almost died from that crap, and her heart went out of rhythm and they've been fighting that since that time (over 8 years ago). I don't relish the thought of another general anesthetic at her age but she is insisting on it, so it looks like it's happening.

Mom was 5'10" when she was younger (she played women's basketball at guard for Carolina) but over the years she's become really stooped over due to osteoporosis and in addition she weighs every bit of 200 lbs if not more so. Her mobility is really becoming a problem and I hope this knee thing will help her, if she can survive the surgery.

[rincaro]

Wow. She'll be in my prayers. Is there anyway they might be able to do an epidural instead? That would numb her from the waist down, like they did during my c-section. Maybe some of the other medical savvy folks will have an idea.

[Bankruptor]

Rincaro they've offered it but she doesn't want to be aware of the procedure, she wants to be knocked out. I told her hey, they almost killed you the last time they put you under and she said well, I'm not afraid of passing on, but I AM afraid of watching them cut my leg open, I want to come around after its over . . . she's so stubborn . . . :(

[rincaro]

Oh that's true. It would be hard to watch, and although you don't feel pain, you do feel tugging and pulling and rearranging. Maybe you could tell her how they could do the shield screen? Anesthesia is such scary stuff. I got put down for the first time about a year ago and I seriously was useless for an entire week after. Couldn't get out of bed barely and threw up every day.

[Christy]

Hmmm. This may not be pertinent, but for my elderly cat (don't laugh) they now use a gas which is only metabolized by the lungs. She comes to after the gas is removed instead of the prolonged outage from intravenous anesthesia. I know cats and humans are different, but the general anesthetic had a scary affect on her the last time they used it.

[Kamila]

Bank have you talked to her doctor?

It is humiliating to go from healthy B-ball guard to a walker. The fear really isn't of dying but of weakness and being needy. Of course you do not fear her weakness, I am sure that you want to be there for the woman who was there for you for so many years. However I cannot imagine that this is a transition she wants to make. If she has just spent eight years with more trouble then good from her last surgery, then I cannot blame her for being reluctant about this one. It does not sound like this is a woman who lacks courage but one who does not relish personal weakness. It is a tough transition that life asks us to accommodate.

If I were her (and of course I am not) I would not want any fussing about my needs, I would want to know that I will not be needier, that I will still have fulfillment in interaction with others, that I will still be able to give to others. Trusting your doctor is difficult after a negative experience, trusting your failing body is tougher still.

She may just need a sense of respect for her choices and the reasons that she fears the surgery. She is now backed against the wall and has to go on faith that if she lives through this she can still, you know, live her life. Listen to her. Say what you want to and let her work it through without nagging (we who know what is best --ya right-- often cannot back off and listen with respect because we are ready for the life change before they are). It is fine to tell her that you are glad that she is ready for the next life but that you are not yet ready for her to go.

[MsRuthieB]

Awww. I'm sorry to hear about this trouble your Mom's having. I wish you and her well and hope that everything turns out for the best. :hug:

[IamJen]

Ick. :hugs: to you and mom..hope all goes well.