Self-Injury

[VeganChick15]

I wanted to make a thread and see if any else here is a Self-Injurier or knows someone who engages in self-injury. Personally I have been cutting for 2 or more years and I am kinda trying to stop. Its a very bad hole to fall into and I wanted to see if anyone else had some opinoins questions or anything they wanted to talk about do with the topic. Most people dont undertand it and believe most of the myths surrounding SI and I would love to clear them up, also I just wanted to see if any one else here is a Self-Injurer. I hope this thread is allowed sry if it isnt.

-KK

[ooohsparkles]

hmm I'm not.. but I hope you get help soon.. my therapist (I go to therapy to deal with my father's death) ... hasn't touched on that topic at all.. she's more worried about now and getting better ... and talked to others about suicide (it's group therapy)... anywho.. not to stray away from the path but no... i don't

[ynaffit]

i used to cut. i don't self-injure regularly anymore, but sometimes i do things like bite my hand or dig my nails into my skin when i'm really upset or stressed out. i often still feel like i need to do more, but it never really made me feel better. it was just a distraction, so i try to find other ways to distract myself.

[thebelovedtree]

I used to be when I was probably between 12 and 14ish, its on a very long list of very stupid things I did. If you really want to stop you will, and you will learn how to cope with emotional pain without it translating into physical pain. It is very much an addiction, and you really have to work to train yourself to put that energy towards something else. I started writing when I was upset instead of cutting, and it did help. I hope that you either get some help, or learn to help yourself. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. If you have friends who you know don't cut, try to turn to them when you get the urge, I've found that turning to other people who cut enables more than it helps.

Most of my friends have performed some sort of SI at one time or another in their lives, several even had to spend a few weeks in mental health and go in for intensive help, but everyone did get better.

[Scorpius]

I never 'cut', per se....but did other (less drastic) things to punish myself in the past. For instance, I'd bite myself, hit myself (against walls and such), pull out hair, and do other bratty tantrum-ey stuff because, well, I'm a stupid little brat like that.

[catgurrl978]

I SI but I don't cut per-se... It's more scratching words into the surface of my skin with safety pics or CD cases or my nails or screws/nails or any pointed object when I'm mad at myself and I mostly do it on my legs. And I don't really do it enough to bleed. But yeah it takes my mind off it and it makes me feel like I've taught myself a lesson at the moment, but then I end up doing the same thing few weeks later... I also take a lot of un-prescribed painkillers.
I have some friends who have actually cut with like razors enough to bleed and leave scars. I don't cut to scar, I cut to sting and feel for the moment and then have it go away.
I could say a lot about this subject actually.
I go to therapy but not because of SI.

[Sokara]

I'm a cutter, although I haven't cut myself in 7 months. The reason I don't consider myself recovered is because, well, I'm not. I still want to do it sometimes, however I was very attached to razor blades and by the time my parents stole mine I didn't like using anything else. I didn't buy any for a while (to shave with) because I didn't trust myself enough. Really I feel like there are two things fighting in my mind, although I barely notice them (kind of like my signature). One is destructive and one is constructive. I don't know which side I'm on, although I was thinking about it today and the constructive seems to be getting the upper hand.
Recovery is hard. My pseudo-recovery was very hard on me. My parents stole my blades (on my 16th birthday no less) and kept checking me for scabs, however they didn't get me help. I told then point blank that I needed therapy and drugs but they decided that it wasn't necessary. I ended up suicidal and stopped going to school, failed all my classes. I'm barely going to graduate now and my chances of ever going to a university/college are slim to none.
I'm sorry for whining, but it still bothers me the way things turned out, if that wasn't obvious, and it slipped out...

[misq17]

Sokara, that really sucks that your parents didn't understand how serious SI really is.

While I myself have never done self-injury, I have some really close friends who did/still do. One has scars all over his arms, chest, and legs, and it makes me really saddened to see him like that. I know how horrible it is to see one of your really close friends go downhill like that, I have one friend who was sent to a mental ward for a year to recover from her suicide attempts.

I just want to say to anyone who has recovered or is in the recovery stage from self-injury, I really respect you and I realize how incredibly strong you are to be able to stop the habit and realize that it really is bad. And to anyone still cutting/hurting themselves, please consider the consequences and all of the people that love you.

[AngelOfDance]

I started cutting a bit in eighth grade, then more in ninth, and by junior year it was really really bad. My arms are still covered in scars. Most of them have lightened to the extent that people don't notice for the most part, but they'll never go away. How do I know that people aren't noticing and just not saying anything? My shoulders. I cut the worst and the deepest there. I have huge, wide, gaping scars on my shoulders and when people see them exposed, they freak out and demand to know what happened. I still usually tell them it was my dog, but if it's someone I either trust or who obviously knows what happened, I just say "it's from a long time ago."

After struggling like mad to quit, I quit cutting around the very end of my junior year, when my mom got sick of hearing all the theories people had as to what was "wrong" with me and decided to take me for a once-and-for-all evaluation.

This doctor's opinion? Nothing at all was wrong with me. I was basically normal and didn't need all the drugs and diagnoses. So within a month, I was free of all mind-altering drugs. And I just didn't feel the need to cut anymore. I did it one time after that, during the week of a play, sort of out of habit- play week had always been so stressful for me that all I could think of to do was to cut. I did it and it just didn't feel right that time. Which was quite fine with me, frankly.

Since then, I honestly don't think I've done anything that would be considered SI. I chew on my fingernails when I get nervous, so I paint my nails to keep from biting them and end up chewing on my hands, and if my hands are occupied I chew on my lips, but that's more of an oral thing, I think. I don't do it in order to hurt myself, it's just a bad habit.

So I'd say I'm recovered, but I wouldn't say it's because I'm strong and fought it and killed it. I was just lucky enough to finally find a competent doctor to get me out of my drug-induced stupor.

[DannyKass]

When I was being a skanky dork I pulled up my skirt a little and was all "haha look at my skirt"(Ok so thats not EXACTLY how it happened.. and it was a dress :P) my Mum saw my scars on my legs. I haven't cut in almost 2 months (I first cut myself in 2001, but I stopped for a long period). When my Mum saw them it had been a month since I'd cut, but because they were so deep the scars look so fresh so she didn't really believe me. She also thought they looked more like burns.. they are still massive.

She brought me some scar oil that's supposed to get rid of scarring. Oddly enough I don't really want to use it. They're in a place that not many people will see anyway, and to me its about memories, and yeah I don't know.. I just don't want them to leave.. they show me what I've done to myself and how stupid it all was.

I've come close to cutting again.. but I haven't. I don't know whether its because I just don't want to, or if it's just because I'm scared of them finding out and forcing me to go to the psychatrist. I've only been to one once, and I'm supposed to go again either next week or the week after. I really don't want to. ****. I really need to find a way to get out of it. I really don't want to go. I hate it.

[Socrates]

yes

[lizzzard]

I started cutting after my father passed away ((June 23, 2000)). I just felt that everything in my safe, sheltered world was falling apart. Like the walls were coming down. I knew that my father was going to die ((I am a pisces, and they pick up on these things, kind of like a sixth sense, or something, I don't know how to explain it)) Anyways, I knew like a week or two before that something was going to happen to him, and hw wouldn't make it out alive. So he dies ... and I go into a depression. My grandmom told me to snap out of it, and just to move on. So I started cutting myself to releive the pain, I appeared happy, but I wasn't.

I cut myself with anything sharp. I only cut in places they wouldn't see. After going to the mental hospital for about a month, I stopped. Now I only stick pins, and stuff like that into on the thin layers of my skin. I have horrible scars on my legs, and wrists. And on my leg I carved the word "HiGh" with a carving knife. I don't think I can ever put myself through that again. Its horrible to feel that low that you resort to cutting yourself.

I am happy to say. That I finally grieved over my dad the proper way. I cried, and went to therapy, and talked with my mom, and family. I still miss my dad, but I am over it, and able to live on. And I now have awonderful step-dad, who I consider to be my dad!

-Sam

[lizzzard]

I forgot to add something. I knew that my dad was going to die, and I didn't say anything. I thought it was my fault, and that if they found out that I knew, my mom-mom would forever have a grudge against me. You see my family knows about my ability to know things ahead of time ((i guess you would call it pshycic, sp?)) and they know that I am always right. And the reason I didn't say something was ... I didn't want to believe that he was going to die, so I kept it to myself. The night he died, I had the worst feeling come over me the minute he died, and I knew he was dead. I felt so bad, because I could of stopped it from happening.

I need to stop talking about this, I really miss him right now. I think I might cry!

-Sam

[Cherry Head]

Oooh, lizzzard :hug:

Yes, I used to cut...I got caught by my mom and now she doesn't trust me any more, I know it's my fault but it sucks. Cutting, for me, was just like a distraction. I had a razor blade from a pencil sharpener that I had hidden in a drawer next to my bed. Thats what I would use most of the time, but sometimes I'd use a knife, my shaving razor, even thorns from roses. My mom and dad got worried because I was snapping back and swearing at everybody and just hiding in my room, and that's when I got caught. I had been dealing with anxiety before, too, so I had a big panic attack.

Now, since I'm kindof tan still from summer, you can barely see the scars, but they'll never go away and I don't really want them to.

Happy to say I am very undepressed now...got over my SI and am living a very good life.

[lizzzard]

I used to hide my cutting from everyone. I was ashamed of myself, but I couldn't stop. But my mom found the cuts on my arms one night while watching me sleep. Then she confronted me the next day. I wouldn't talk to her for a week, not because I was mad at her for pointing it out, but because I was afraid she was ashamed at me, and looked down on me for it. :-/

-Sam

[VeganChick15]

Wow I didnt realize so many people would have had expierence with SI, I'm feeling less shy and I will share more of my story. I started cutting in the middle of eighth grade, I was also have had trouble with eating disorders. For a long time it wasnt very bad but in the past year sense I have been forced into therapy anti-depressants etc, its gotten much worse I've been burning and cutting and anything to casue pain. I'm actually trying to escape from it all now though becasue its destroying my life. I suppose to start seeing a new shrink soon, this will be my four one, so I am hoping this one is better!
Its really enspiring to hear that people have quit and recovered from SI, *BIG HUGS* to all of you and thanks everyone for posting!

[Cherry Head]

Wow I didnt realize so many people would have had expierence with SI, I'm feeling less shy and I will share more of my story. I started cutting in the middle of eighth grade, I was also have had trouble with eating disorders. For a long time it wasnt very bad but in the past year sense I have been forced into therapy anti-depressants etc, its gotten much worse I've been burning and cutting and anything to casue pain. I'm actually trying to escape from it all now though becasue its destroying my life. I suppose to start seeing a new shrink soon, this will be my four one, so I am hoping this one is better!
Its really enspiring to hear that people have quit and recovered from SI, *BIG HUGS* to all of you and thanks everyone for posting!
Wow veganchick, your story sounds a lot like mine minus the ED part. I also started in the middle of 8th grade, I take prozac, and am also on my fourth shrink. You have the right kind of attitude, you WANT to quit. If yah ever need to talk, pm me or whatever. Also, :hug:

[clickman]

I cut in middle school, and then I cut a few times back in August... But lately, I haven't been doing anything majorly destructive.

[DoshKel]

I have never cut (besides some exercises I did back in my martial arts training that called for some self induced cutting), but when I get really pissed I usually just start beating the **** out of myself. Anything from punching myself in the face to bashing my head on stuff. I have always done this for some reason. In 9th grade I always had huge brusies on my face and stuff because of it...people thought I fought other people all the time.

Cheers.

[clickman]

Off-topic:

Dosh, what form of martial arts do you do? I've wanted to take it up, but, I'm unsure about starting at an older age...

[catgurrl978]

Wow, theres a type of martial arts that advocates SI?

But yeah, I've actually been cutting down on the amount of painkillers I take because at the point when I was taking the most I started having trouble breathing, like I felt like I wasn't getting enough air into my lungs. So I'd be taking these big gasping breaths that made me feel like my lungs would explode...

But yeah sometimes when I'm mad at myself I'll hit my head on things, sometimes I do just for the feel of it. I hit myself a lot around my legs mostly, it doesn't hurt me anymore.

[DoshKel]

Catgurrl, its called Sei Do Kai. It doesn't promote SI for the pain, the Sensei has the students do it around the stomach area because it hardens the skin after awhile. When a Sei Do Kai student draws and cuts with the sword, he or she usually goes for the stomach first. Its meant to harden incase someone was to cut for your stomach. Clickman, I take Shaolin Nan Chen Kung Fu and Sei Do Kai. Nan Chen can be directly translated to, "Southren boxing" or "Southren Fist". Its one of the first Shaolin forms. Sei Do Kai can be directly translated to, "The Art of Drawing and Cutting all in one
motion with the Japanese sword". It is a form of Iaido which was the part of the Bushido lifestyle or what the Samurai did in fedual Japan. Though I started these at a young age (6th grade), one can take them in any time in their life and and still prosper in learning them. I'd say go for it.

Cheers.

[Snuffles]

I used to cut myself. But I was a bit of a mess then. I had a huge lot of pressure on me academically and on the hockey field. I am over that now.

Anyway one day I couldn't take it anymore and after a big thing I told my mum. She helped me to stop. At first she wanted me to talk to someone but I said I aint talking to no shrink.

It wasn't as bad or hard to stop once I had someone supporting me.
And I am much better now. Sometimes I still get so mad at myself that I just want to do something to myself, but I have found ways to calm myself down.
Ocasionaly I have a bit of a freak and say stupid things about myself or hit my head against somethin. Afterwards I apologise to myself though. My mum and friends still think I should go see someone sometimes.
But I don't think so.
The best thing would be to tell someone you really trust.

I promise you it's not as bad as you think.

The most important thing is to realize why you do it and stop.

[cryingdyingrose]

I just read this and it's really helped me. I used to cut myself too. I still have the urge to do it. I just needed something in my life that I could control. I never told anyone (except a doctor), and if anyone noticed they didn't say anything. I started off with my shoulders, and I always made 3 cuts. I would cut, then once the wounds had healed I'd do it again. The scars are still there, but they aren't big or terribly noticeable. I'm glad they're there though, they remind of what I've experienced. When my depression got worse I started cutting my wrists. Not terribly deep, just enough to draw blood, and I always hid it underneath my watch. I wanted somebody to notice me...but they never did. I have a counsellor right now, but its not working out, so hopefully I'll be changing. Just reading your stories really helps me to know I'm not alone.

[Socrates]

I cut myself, but only enough to draw blood. I hit and scratch myself, but often I just get in a extremely violent mood. The other day three guys jumped me, because they didnt like my "hawk" I beat the **** out of all three of them, wich normally I wouldnt have done. I had tried to slit my wrists the night before, and they drove me over edge.
All three ended up crying, and they had chains.