Unable to Form Opinions?

[Gnarly]

I wasn't sure where to put this. I figured here because it's kind of emotional/mental health, but if someone wants to move it, that's cool.

I'll go through some background here...I'll try not to be too longwinded but knowing me, I may not be entirely effective at that. Please bear with me if you have nothing better to do and it won't inconvenience you at all.

I'm taking an instructors' course with my martial arts club. This involves a lot of group discussions, in which I rarely participate simply because I find it very difficult to do so. My lack of conversation has been noticed, and commented upon several times. Sometimes it becomes quite uncomfortable. Today we discussed bad habits, and I mentioned that one of mine is saying, "I don't know," to almost every question I'm asked, regardless of whether I know the answer.

This has been mentioned to me before, by my parents and and a friend of mine at training. Now I am very conscious of it and notice whenever I say it. I say it a *lot*.

They discussed why I didn't voice my opinions, but were all of the mind that I had the opinions to voice, were I to choose to do so. One woman even commented that she thought I'd be *very* opinionated underneath my "I don't know" cover. I disagreed (but didn't say so).

End of background.

Is it possible to just have NO opinion? People will say to me, "But you must have *some* opinion about that!" and I'll say, "No, truly, I don't care."
The thing is, I can't tell anymore if it's because I really *don't* care or if it's just that I can't express it. I think perhaps I've been scared of voicing my thoughts for so long that now I can't even *think* them properly anymore, because then I feel I may be pressured to say them.

Example : On a bike ride with a friend this afternoon. I couldn't decide whether I would rather ride behind her (so we were in single file) or beside her, because thoughts of what *she* would think/prefer kept coming in. I was honestly trying to get rid of them so I could decide what i'd rather do but I didn't know! In the end I just rode double because it seemed like that was what my friend expected, but it bothered me that it seems I don't even know my own mind anymore, if I ever did.

I don't know quite what I'm looking for here either. Any input at all would be appreciated, really.

[Azalea]

I'm not going to offer any advice right now, but I just wanted to say that I often feel the same way. Also about books/movies etc (but apparently not music). Meaning that if I've been to see a movie, and I come home and my mother asks me what I though of it my answer will most likely be "I don't know". (and yes, she'll get annoyed).Maybe because stating my neutrality is the safe option.
I don't know... (<----- :p)

[Thalia]

Do you think you might feel on some level that it is selfish to have a want or need that might inconvenience others? Do you think maybe you spend so much energy worrying about the needs/wants of others that you just never get to thinking about what you want? Just throwing some ideas out there.

[astro]

It sounds like you dont want to come to a decision or form an opinion incase it is the wrong one in someone else's view. Maybe you're worried that if they dont like your opinion, they wont like you either.

[IamJen]

Do you think you might feel on some level that it is selfish to have a want or need that might inconvenience others? Do you think maybe you spend so much energy worrying about the needs/wants of others that you just never get to thinking about what you want? Just throwing some ideas out there.

Your bike ride example would suggest that (at least sometimes) this is part of the trouble.

But yes, of course there are times when one doesn't have an opinion. Some things just aren't interesting enough to warrant one. :)

[veganprincess]

i have the same problem. (though i will have opinions about movies i've just seen. :p )
i think it might be because i'm so afraid of making a mistake, that my decision won't be the "best one", that if i make a decision and someone doesn't like it, then it'll be my fault. bottom line: my guess is that we can't make desicions cos we're afraid, but i don't really know :p

[Jes]

I can't make decisions for a variety of reasons - each time is different, too!

A. In the case of certain things, like foods at a restaurant or a movie, I'm paralyzed by the idea that it might not be the best choice and I might regret it.

B. Sometimes I'm afraid that other people'll be influenced by my choice. For instance, when deciding where to eat, I'm always wondering if everyone will like it.

C. (And this is the big one) I can see many possibilities and tend to be overwhelmed by them. In ethical decisions, I have a hard time seeing things in black or white because I can usually see 34534534543 sides to an issue.

[Gnarly]

Do you think you might feel on some level that it is selfish to have a want or need that might inconvenience others? Do you think maybe you spend so much energy worrying about the needs/wants of others that you just never get to thinking about what you want? Just throwing some ideas out there.

Both of those sound likely, actually. The first is something I've noticed a lot lately - I feel really guilty doing things for myself that might possible inconvenience others. Example - I started talking to a guy I know at school about some issues I've had, (mainly because I was starting to scare myself) and for a while it was helping but then I stopped because I felt like I was bothering him, even though I know i probably wasn't doing anything of the sort.

And also just afraid I'll be wrong, or make a mistake...or that someone will argue with me. It's really hard for me to post on here for the same reason, but I've been trying to post more to overcome that. You may have noticed a spate of posts by me lately :p That's why.

[veganprincess]

does anyone know how to overcome this "phobia" of making decisions?