orgasms during sex

[rainbowmoon]

Ok, I've never had an orgasm during sex. Its probably also necessary to say that I've only had 3 sexual partners and limited sexual relationships, one of which was just a one nighter, and I've never been completely comfortable with my body...I've probably had sex 20 times.
Sometimes when I'm having sex it feels really good and gets better, but I never come...so I'm not sure if its just a matter of going longer or what.
Is it possible that some women cannot have orgasms during sex? I'm usually pretty tense during intercourse and as I relax it feels a lot better.
I'm basically just asking for some information about this whole topic! Lol...cuz I want to leearrn. :vebo:

[rabid_child]

I've had orgasms during sex, but only when also having clitoral stimulation. And only with the one guy (out of 2), and he and I just connected really well, I felt really comfortable and confident with him. We used to have orgasms at the same time too during sex, it was weird, but awesome.
Its definitely better if you're comfortable and feeling confident and are with someone you care about and all that jazz. It is possible not to be able to orgasm through intercourse alone. Most women require some clitoral stimulation to be able to orgasm.

[CharityAJO]

I've never had an orgasm during sex, either. Though I find it quite easy to achieve them on my own, or through other means... Intercourse just doesn't do it. I think there are some women that just like different things. For me, sex don't cut it.

And on the subject of going longer - that don't help either. Then I just get bored. :P

[Dirty Martini]

rbm, I really think that the key here is relaxation. It's soooo hard for me to be turned on if I'm not relaxed. Do you drink wine? I hate suggesting alcohol as a way to deal with an inability to relax, but... well, it might help. A glass of red, some candlelight, and some soft romantic classical music might be nice...

But for me physically, it's all about hip tilt/placement & what's rubbing where. :naughty: But really, you might try being on top because you have *way* more control over how it feels. If you want to be on the bottom, put a pillow under your tailbone. That tends to tilt your hips so that your clitoris gets more stimulation...

barring that, you might try seeing if your partner will give you a little oral TLC, focusing on the clitoris, before intercourse.

see if you can maybe find a book... "How to Have an Orgasm...As Often As You Want (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0881849545/ref=pd_sim_books_1/104-7169218-2433529?v=glance&s=books)" and "FiveMinutes to Orgasm Every Time You Make Love (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0966492439/104-7169218-2433529)" seem to be popular on Amazon, and focus on the female orgasm, techniques, etc... they both seem to be geared toward women who have had a hard time reaching orgasm...

amy

[IamJen]

rabid and Amy both mentioned clitoral stimulation, which seems to be the key for me as well. Being on top works well, but between the two of you, you have four hands that can help things along too. I think often, the manfolk like to be the one using their hands here, not just for the aesthetic benefits, but because if you're doing it yourself, it seems more like they're not getting the job done. :)

[MsRuthieB]

I'm almost 37 years old. I've been active for a very long time. I've only came 2x's during intercourse. Basically, all the moons and planets in the solar system have to line up just right for it to happen that way for me. :lol:

Don't get down RBM. When you really fall in love with a man who wants you to feel every pleasurable experience imaginable, you won't be able to shut yourself off.

[starrgurl04]

Many women have sex a hundred times before they orgasm, some never do. You have to experiment and find out what works for you, what makes you come.

[Kamila]

.... Basically, all the moons and planets in the solar system have to line up just right for it to happen .... :lol:

When you really fall in love with a man who wants you to feel every pleasurable experience imaginable, you won't be able to shut yourself off.
It just happens, one night you explode and you do not know where that came from. For me candlelight and music never worked, moonlight, hooting owls and open air worked like magic.

Try the hip tilt it could be the bit of magic you need. Another change of position that I sometimes find helpful is laying on your side. You start in a fairly standard man on top position and after penetration the two of you sort of roll so that both of you are laying on your side. For some reason it lasts longer (?no idea why?)for him and it will be easy for you to position yourself to where you are being touched just right.

If it isn't more of a stress for you and he is willing you might want to have him stimulate you to orgasm without penetration. The moment the wave of orgasm begins to roll in then he should enter. If you have only had clitoral orgasms then your body might not know how to respond to sex. Having him wait to penetrate until you are coming can let loose a floodgate. Hip tilt (pillows) is nice if he is willing to try this.

It can take FOREVER if you are really tense. If he is willing to give you all the time you need then take it without feeling guilty that it is all about you, because baby if he is giving you that time then he doesn't feel like it is all about you but about "us". Long full body back rubs are good (less focus on the one area of your body that is worrisome).

[spun]

i've had a fair number of sexual partners, and would say i'm fairly experienced for my age. before my current partner, i had only come through one other guy, and that was through clitirol stimulation at the same time. but with the current bleugh, jus depends whether his pubic bone is right against me, sometimes it's just not gunna happen, other times it's a complete surprise. so, the fun is in the exploration. i read somewhere that only a 1/3 of women come through penertration alone, so don't worry. you're not alone.

[Vicky]

i found a nice article about this

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/orgasmtrouble.htm

[bethanie]

Ok, I've never had an orgasm during sex. Its probably also necessary to say that I've only had 3 sexual partners and limited sexual relationships, one of which was just a one nighter, and I've never been completely comfortable with my body...I've probably had sex 20 times.
Sometimes when I'm having sex it feels really good and gets better, but I never come...so I'm not sure if its just a matter of going longer or what.
Is it possible that some women cannot have orgasms during sex? I'm usually pretty tense during intercourse and as I relax it feels a lot better.
I'm basically just asking for some information about this whole topic! Lol...cuz I want to leearrn. :vebo:


Do you ever practice on yourself? I'd work on getting comfortable with that (and hey, that can be fun).

I definitely agree that body comfort is really important. You can't loose yourself in the experience if you're worried about lopsided breasts or cellulite. I promise you...YOU are the only person worrying about that stuff. But this takes time.

I think the main reason women don't have orgasms during sex is the head stuff, that and the fact that they have no idea HOW to go about having an orgasm.

B

[JulieShul]

Wow...i'm so glad to see this post. I just started having sex very recently with my boyfriend of 1.5 years and, while I educated myself alot about sex before we decided to lose our virginity, I was still surprised when, after we got beyond the initially painful times, I just did not ever come close to orgasm. This is really reassuring...and I look forward to being surprised by it.

[Jinga]

Like everyone said, it has to do with everything to relaxing, to feeling comfortable with yourself and your partner, to the proper type of stimulation. For me, this has gotten much easier with age and confidence. I feel comfortable sharing what feels good or doesn't. I've learned how my own body works and fits with a partner.

I've only had three partners, but sex was completely different with all three of them. Obviously every person is different, but I changed, as well. The first one I dated for six years and I went through periods of having an orgasm everytime without clitoral stimulation and then periods of not being able to climax at all. I'm guessing it was due to stuff I was dealing with elsewhere in my life. When I felt good about myself, sex was better! In the span of six years, pretty much everything happens. One great thing I've discovered, as an adult, is a position that works wonderfully for my body! Experiment a bit. My most recent partner I had absolutely no trouble with orgasms and even had a simultaneous experience on the first try. ;)

My last bit of advice would be to foucs on sex being an expression of caring. Honestly, it takes off so much pressure when you go into it as a means of being close to someone, rather than to have an orgasm. If you're lucky, the orgasm will come (no pun intended), but make sure its an enjoyable experience with or without the climax.

[CharityAJO]

Do you ever practice on yourself? I'd work on getting comfortable with that (and hey, that can be fun).


Heh... I think my issue is, I practiced too much. Now no man can be as good as I am. :P

[bethanie]

LOL charityajo....I practice on myself quite a lot too...I'm wondering if/when I get back into the game, I'll be able to be patient enough for anyone to 'give it a go'.

Anyhooo....

I read some more of this thread, and I agree with eveyrone else that definitely clitoral stimulation is a must. On top definitely makes things easier for me. And then just get the right sort of friction going.

Okay, I think I have officially posted enough in the orgasm thread.

For a celibate, I sure am a tramp.

[zoebird]

i discovered that i had to stop thinking. that was the key for me.

my husband and i have been together for 7 yrs. we've been sexually active for roughly 5 of those years. we've only now (in the last year) actually "gotten our groove" when it comes to sex.

first, we both discovered that we were working hard to please each other, trying to think or puzzle out what would make the other happy, which made it difficult for either of us to actually "let go" in the process and just "be" with our bodies. Both of us have learned to just let go and feel things and direct the process--yes, that's great! no, try this! oh yeah, that's better!--through physical feeling rather than emotional or trying to get things through.

second, body presence was really important. ok, so, stop thinking and start feeling physical sensation. that helps a lot. but then, there's another component about hwo you feel about your body and your partner's body. I actually *insist* that ryan tell me that i'm attractive. He forgets to say these things--even though he's thinking them--and he's also highly judgemental. In the last year, he's figured out that my body goes through a 5 lbs fluctuation every month. I get bloated and everything with my period. It used to be he'd make comments like "wow! you've gained" and "goodness, your'e fat today!" when i'm totally not. THis would hit my self esteem pretty hard, and then i wouldn't want to have sex with him. When he figured out that iw asn't gaining weight (really) during these times, he was like, ooh, it's just different, and then he decided that he liked it.

(he has a whole lot of body related issues that come from his family. part of that issue is a 'guilt by association' type issue. meaning, if he's with someone who is 'fat' by his parents standards, then he's a 'less desireable' person too. so, that's something he's had to untangle, but sometimes it's come down really hard on me).

so feeling comfortable with your body, and that your partner loves and enjoys your body can make you feel safe and loved and then it's easier to let go.

third, ihad a control issue. the vulnerability of the orgasm is such that you literally have no control over it. one thing that i usually have control over is myself. allowing someone else to have that kind of power was tough. It took trust. and that took time too.

ok, that's my experience.

[rainbowmoon]

Thanks for all the info and personal stories, ladies.
I guess I feel that I've never been one hundred percent comfortable with anyone who I was sleeping with; I'm not comfortable with my body, either. So I am sure this is why I haven't really had an orgasm during sex. A lot of times, while I'm doing it I'm thinking "am I doing it right? is my fat looking gross?" ect....
Now where's Mr. Right, so I can have some freaking good sex?!
No, no, j/k....

[rainbowmoon]

-bethanie- I practice on myself, but only clitorally. I don't know where my g-spot is or how to go about locating it...

[delicious]

I didn't in the beginning, but now I do about 75% of the time. It took a wee bit of practice.

[MeatIsMurder]

-bethanie- I practice on myself, but only clitorally. I don't know where my g-spot is or how to go about locating it...

The G-spot is in your vagina about 2 or 3 inches down from your bellybutton, at the front (belly) not the back. This is why the missionary position is usually not the best for us girls wanting to achieve orgasm - he's rubbing against the back, not the front. Try it on top, and don't worry about getting it wrong, or how he's feeling - you can be pretty sure that whatever you're doing, it's feeling alright for him! He's got a pretty good show going on right in front of him, he's not going to be complaining. Take your time and move around until you ...well, until you're feeling warm and tingly! Once that starts, keep going!

The key is definitely relaxation and being in the moment. The brain is the #1 sex organ, for us ladies at least! Stop thinking about your cellulite, and start thinking about your groove!

Don't put too much pressure on yourself rainbow. It will take a while to figure this out - enjoy each experience along the way!

[colorful]

I would suggest getting on top! If I am on top, I have an orgasm pretty close to 100% of the time. And often my husband and I will come at the same time this way...it's amazing. It did take a little bit of practice though. I was a virgin the first time my husband and I had sex (he wasn't). So he was on top, and, I think just because it was so new and exciting, I had an orgasm. After the novelty of the whole thing wore off, that stopped working so well for me.

The first time I was on top, I just couldn't figure out the whole motion and ended up very exhausted before anything could happen for me! The key is, move the way it feels good to you. Don't think that you have to do that in-and-out thrusting thing that guys do when they are on top. Just get on top, and move in whatever motions (circular works for me) that float your boat. :) Leaning forward can be great, usually this will stimulate your clitoris (and add to that feeling of closeness and intimacy). Again, don't worry about pleasing the guy, most guys are incredibly turned on by watching girls move... oh and if he tends to come before you are ready, there is nothing shameful about doubling up on the condom!

<---- *suddenly finds herself wishing her husband were nearby* :o

[sky73]

I would suggest getting on top! If I am on top, I have an orgasm pretty close to 100% of the time. And often my husband and I will come at the same time this way...it's amazing. It did take a little bit of practice though. I was a virgin the first time my husband and I had sex (he wasn't). So he was on top, and, I think just because it was so new and exciting, I had an orgasm. After the novelty of the whole thing wore off, that stopped working so well for me.

The first time I was on top, I just couldn't figure out the whole motion and ended up very exhausted before anything could happen for me! The key is, move the way it feels good to you. Don't think that you have to do that in-and-out thrusting thing that guys do when they are on top. Just get on top, and move in whatever motions (circular works for me) that float your boat. :) Leaning forward can be great, usually this will stimulate your clitoris (and add to that feeling of closeness and intimacy). Again, don't worry about pleasing the guy, most guys are incredibly turned on by watching girls move... oh and if he tends to come before you are ready, there is nothing shameful about doubling up on the condom!

<---- *suddenly finds herself wishing her husband were nearby* :o


On top is by far the best position for me too. :yes:

[toadstool]

<--- orgasms almost 100% of time, too.

Agree that getting on top helps. So does "practice." And relaxation. (Although I usually DON'T orgasm if I've had too much to drink... go figure.)

If you can get there by yourself, try getting yourself to the *almost* point before you have sex.... then maybe he can finish you off. LOL

[borealis]

I had been having sex for a few years before I ever had an orgasm that wasn't self-induced. Sometimes it just takes a while to "learn" how to do it, or to become relaxed enough... and sometimes it's your partner. I've had many parters, but orgasms with only three of them.

[rabid_child]

... there is nothing shameful about doubling up on the condom!



.. but there is increased risk of having the condom break! :notvegan: Two condoms are NEVER better than one! Lube or not, the latex on latex causes too much friction and they are more likely to break thus not doing what they're supposed to do in the first place! There are condoms specifically designed thicker, or with desensitiving jelly stuff inside that can help him to go longer, but never ever ever double up a condom! ever. really. never.