Question to breastfeeders

[citronella49]

Hello,
I posted a while ago with some questions, and I have another...

My mother isn't fond of women who breastfeed their babies for more than 6 months... and is confused when a woman breastfeeds for more than a year. I have an aunt who has twins that are nearly two and they breastfeed, and her first son did for a long time too. Well I like my aunt so I stick up for her, but Im only 24 so I have no kids, so thats where you guys come in.

My mom says its not right for a woman to breast feed so much because it deprives the father of bonding time... and because it forces the mother to do most of the work with taking care of the kid, and she never gets a break. Your opinions?

My mom also said that she (for the 3 weeks she did breast feed me) felt really good, almost orgasmic, when breast feeding me. She is convinced that women only breastfeed that long because it feels good to them. Your opinions?

Danke :)

[beansprout]

What Is the Father's Role in the Breastfeeding Relationship?
It is a fortunate baby that has a close, loving relationship with both of his parents! Babies need lots of physical contact, and when not breastfeeding, a father's loving arms are a wonderful place for his baby to be. Fathers need to spend time with their babies in order to get to know them better and get 'tuned in' to their needs. Watch for cues that baby is ready for some fathering interaction. A hungry baby won't be at all interested in playing. But once baby has nursed his fill, dad can take over. Even the baby that breastfeeds very frequently can enjoy a satisfying relationship with his father. Try letting your full breastfed baby lie on her father's chest. Rocking baby on the father's shoulder is often a favorite activity. Many fathers find rewarding times with baby by showing the baby this big, wide world we live in!
The support of a baby's father can help the breastfeeding relationship succeed. The father can head off discouragement, deflect negative comments from friends and relatives, help calm a fussy baby and bring the new mother food and drink while she is breastfeeding. Most importantly the baby's father can remind the new mother that breastfeeding is one of the most important things she can do to get their baby off to a good start in life.
Especially in the first few weeks, when lack of sleep and hormonal changes can sometimes make new mothers waver in their determination to breastfeed, a father who suggests, "let's try that one more time," or who reminds his partner that, "they say babies space out their feedings after the three week growth spurt," can be invaluable. IMO, breastfeeding is not the reason a new mum would feel tired, all new mums are tired. Being a mother is hard work whether one breastfeeds or not.

What are the benefits of breastfeeding my toddler?
Toddlers breastfeed for many of the same reasons infants breastfeed: for nutrition, comfort, security, for a way to calm down and for reassurance. Mothers breastfeed their toddlers for many of the same reasons they breastfeed their infants: they recognize their children's needs, they enjoy the closeness, they want to offer comfort, and they understand the health benefits. The American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends that "breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually desired." * The World Health Organization and UNICEF recommend that babies be breastfed for at least two years.
Breastfeeding a toddler helps with the child's ability to mature. Although some experts say a toddler who is not weaned will have difficulty becoming independent, it's usually the fearful, clingy children that have been pushed into situations requiring too much independence too soon. A breastfeeding toddler is having his dependency needs met. The closeness and availability of the mother through breastfeeding is one of the best ways to help toddlers grow emotionally.
Breastfeeding can help a toddler understand discipline as well. Discipline is teaching a child about what is right and good, not punishment for normal toddler behavior. To help a toddler with discipline, he needs to feel good about himself and his world. Breastfeeding helps a toddler feel good about himself, because his needs are being met.
Just as babies do, toddlers receive health benefits from breastfeeding. Your milk continues to provide immunities and vitamins, and can help protect your toddler from illness and allergies. If your toddler does get sick, nursing will help comfort him. In fact, a toddler with an upset stomach may be able to tolerate nothing but human milk.
Toddlers have a huge world to explore, and breastfeeding provides them (and their mothers!) with some quiet time in their busy, waking hours.

[renaissancesun]

I loved breast feeding but it was not "almost orgasmic" for me. It felt great, once I got the hang of it and got rid of the sore, cracked nipples, becuase of the flush of lovey-feeling hormones that I had each time my milk let down. For me it helped with bonding between my babies and I.

I have heard of women who actually do have orgasms from breastfeeding and some people who seem to get really upset by that fact. It never fails to astound me, the puritanism that remains in this country. Many people equate all aspects of human sexuality (of which breastfeeding is one) with nasty-naughty-shameful. It sounds like your mom is one of those people and I would not be surprised at all to find out, if I could get into the deepest reaches of her brain, that the reason she only nursed you three weeks, on some level, was that she was really freaked out by the sexual feelings that it produced in her.

As far as the male-female relationship goes...

Her attitude seems to be the predominant one in our society. I disagree 100% with her beliefs. I think that if a marriage can not be happy with a nursing toddler or baby, there is something going on in the marriage beyond that. If a man expects to be "taken care of" to the exclusion of a baby being fed, in whatever way, he needs to grow up and realize that his wife is not his mommy and during this time he could be doing a little extra to take care of HER. Baby feeding and care takes a lot of time, energy and attention whether it is bottle feeding or breast feeding. I always perceived it to be easier and faster stick an already warmed and mixed boob in a babies mouth than what I saw friends doing to get a bottle in there. That, thoeretically, gave me extra time to pay attention to my guy. So, the only problem left, as I see it, is the issue of "her breasts belong to her husband", which is probably the problem when you get to the bottom of it. Well, her breasts are NOT her husbands so there is no problem.

I get a bit defensive on behalf of your aunt becuase I remember being the recipient of pressure and harrassment over something that was not anyone else's business. It is my personal opinion that your mother needs to focus on her own life, behavior and relationships and not worry about your aunt or your aunt's marriage. I think she should be assigned to attend a few La Leche League meetings to air her concerns and be told the benefits of nursing toddlers and then she should tell your aunt "I love you and I know you are doing a good job." and leave it at that...but that is just my ideal. It is what my mother did for me after at first unintentionally discouraging me with questions.

Oh, and I have this theory. If a baby has all it's needs met and is allowed to be as dependent on it's parents as it feels the need to, and allowed to seperate when it is ready, that baby will grow up to be a more secure person who is not afraid on any level of abandonment. That person will not feel the need to control other people or cling to unhealthy relationships. Of course, that is not possible in the real world but one of the ways people can get as close as possible to it is to hold thier children and be available fully to them as long as they possibly can, but never force the children to be held. We seem to have this strange idea that a child is "too dependent" and needs to seperate at certain ages/stages or it will become clingy. I assert that it is the opposite.

I weaned my first son at what most people consider a very late age by asking him every time I saw him if he would like milkies. We had just come through a period of me pushing him away more often becuase I was stressed and harried and he had become very clingy and demanding. The first two days he thought he was in heaven and he nursed at every opportunity but after that there was a quick decline in how interested he was and he quit completely except for one more time a few weeks later when he had a high fever and age regressed a bit. That need fulfilled, he was done. He was happy. He felt like it was his decision. If I had decided to quit without him feeling like it was his decision I would have had a clingy, whiny kid on my heels for weeks afterward and those memories never leave us, even if they are not conscious.

Sunny

[Pugvet]

My son is 8 months-old and I breastfed him for the first 9 weeks. I did not find the experience to be "orgasmic". In fact, I found it quite uncomfortable. I had very sore breasts, and the hormone swings that it caused complicated my post-partum depression. I wish that I could have breastfed him more, because I thought it was the right thing to do, but I was advised to stop by my doctor who wanted me to start taking anti-depressants for the PPD.

I don't think there is anything wrong with breastfeeding a baby until both the mother and the baby are good and ready to stop. Anyone who thinks breastfeeding a toddler is wrong, has alot of personal hang-ups that they should not put onto other people. Likewise, if someone cannot or simply does not want to breastfeed for whatever reason, they should not be made to feel like a pariah. It takes alot more than breastmilk to be somebody's mother.

I hope that this helps you.

[RedWingsFan]

I haven't breastfeed yet, so I can only talk about what I plan to do. I'm pregnant right now and due anytime. I do plan to breastfeed but my "goal" is to do it for 6 months tops. I don't plan to go over that and I really don't think women should do it over a year either. I tend to agree with your mother, I think 6 months is good and 1 year is the tops.

[Cissy]

(RedWingsFan - I just wanted to say congrats and good luck! Can never have too many little fans of the Red Wings :D)

[las30]

I haven't had time to read the replies to your original post so forgive me if I repeat anything said. I am currently nursing a 16 month old. For me, it doesn't feel orgasmic, but I would describe it as pleasurable. But I don't breastfeed for my pleasure. I do it because it is the healthiest thing that I can give my child. A child's immune system isn't fully formed until he/she is 5 years old. Not 5 months, 5 years. Mother's pass on lots of good things to their child who does not have a full working immune system yet. My child has had one minor cold in his 16 months. I don't think it is because of luck. The world average for breastfeeding is between 4 and 5 years old. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that children be breastfed for at least one year. The World Health Organization suggests breastfeeding for at least 2 years or for however long is mutually desirable for mother and child. In no way am I depriving my husband any bonding time. In fact he is napping with my baby right now. Lots of times, my baby spends so much time with my husband, that I only get to hold him when he is nursing. Fathers spend as much time with their kids as they want to. There is no way breastfeeding can get in the way of that.

[colorful]

citronella,

The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommend that women breastfeed for at least one year. If they stop before that, then they need to give their baby formula. I don't understand why your mom (and RWF) believe 6 months would be the best cutoff, given this recommendation. That's not to say there's anything wrong with quitting sooner, in fact I quit breastfeeding at 9 1/2 months and then gave formula until 1 year. But I still think the goal should be at least the recommended year, and longer if both baby/mom are happy about it.

I know a lot of moms who breastfeed their toddlers and that does not mean the mom never gets a break! By this time toddlers are eating a lot of solid foods and drinking water/juice/milk (or soymilk) in addition to the breastfeeding. So if the mom needs a break and needs to be away from the toddler, the dad can take care of him for awhile. Personally, when I see a woman who is still breastfeeding her one-year-old, I think it's fantastic! :up:

[kristadb]

My breasts, my choice.

Sorry, couldn't resist :D

[Thalia]

I have become more and more convinced that along with whatever other little pamphlets and coaching they give you at the hospital when you are pregnant or just had a baby, they need to give each mother a nice pamphlet on how to tell people to mind their own business. Perhaps a big cardboard hand they can pull out and show to people when they start meddling.

[renaissancesun]

I have become more and more convinced that along with whatever other little pamphlets and coaching they give you at the hospital when you are pregnant or just had a baby, they need to give each mother a nice pamphlet on how to tell people to mind their own business. Perhaps a big cardboard hand they can pull out and show to people when they start meddling.

I want one with the middle finger sticking up. ;)

Sunny

[rincaro]

Just a friendly mod-type reminder. The last thread got ugly. (I know, I was guilty too.) Let's all play nice and keep things warm & fuzzy.

[kristadb]

So that means I have to leave the discussion then ;)

[rincaro]

Where the swift-kick smiley when I need him?

[frenchie]

My son is 18 months old, and still nurses....as a matter of fact, he's nursing right now as I type with one hand.
I would hardly call nursing orgasmic.......infact, it's totally UN-sexy. I find it at times to be very uncomfortable and annoying........but it's superior nutrition for my son, so I will sacrifice my comfort for his well being.
My husband and my son have a wonderful relationship. Extended nursing has done nothing to interfere with their bonding. We all sleep together in the same bed, which has only stregnthened the bond we have as a family.
Your mother is entitled to her opinion, and you to yours. When you have children some day, don't let her opinions dictate your decisions.

[brown cow]

I stopped breastfeeding my 28 month old two months ago, and i miss it! I decided to stop because of the pressure that I felt from others. No other mothers from our play groups had breastfed since their children were babies, and the other people in my life were constantly asking me, "when are you going to stop that, isn't she a little bit old?" Now I regret it because I feel that I caved in when I should have stood up for my decision. However, I did feel that I had breastfed long enough for health and nutritional purposes based on what I had read and what the doctor's told me. But who knows? Maybe nursing for even longer has greater benefits to the baby.

There is great advice in many of these replies. I agree that it's very important not to push you child, or force them to do or not do things because you're afraid that they might be "clingy," or whatever. Showing a child that you love them and respect them and trust them will instill a sense of confidence that will only make them stronger and more able to deal with unloving people. I completely disagree with anyone who says that the parent has to in some way mirror what they believe the harsh world will be like for their children, or be cruel and firm with them for this purpose.

I'm getting off topic, but even when I made the conscious decision to ween my daughter, I never said no to her. Instead, when she would ask to nurse, I would say "would you rather have teetees, or go to the playground," and gradually she began to choose the latter.

Some mothers can't nurse, and I felt so lucky that could have done it for as long as I wanted. My mother told me that she dried up after the first 10 months or so, but my milk just kept coming. I really don't understand why someone would be concerned with being able to breastfeed when pediatricians say that you MUST do it for the first year (if you can). It really is so important, and I felt that way especially since my daughter and I are vegetarians. By breastfeeding her, I could control what I was eating, and effectively pass it on to her, even after she was eating solids. I also was a big pumper after she started sleeping through the night (which is when I would pump), and the milk that I pumped I mixed with ALL of her food. Milk and cereal, milk and strained brocolli, milk and squash, milk and mashed pees, etc.. And she didn't get sick, even when I did. Plus, breastfeeding actually makes it easier on the mother (at least I thought so). When we were out in particular. I don't know what I would have done with her at nine months when we were out somewhere and she got hungry. Get out the food and highchair and bib and napkins and spoon and go sit somewhere for an hour while I tried to feed her? Trust me, just lifting up your shirt requires a lot less effort. Plus, they usually fall asleep when their finished, completing two jobs in one.

I also don't understand how it would exclude the father for the same reasons. Breastfeeing takes about twenty minutes. I'm a single mother, but unless the father is preparing all of the meals with you and feeding the child, breastfeeding absolutely gives you more time with the baby and the father for the very same reason. Plus, breastfeeding can sooth a baby like nothing else. I used to breastfeed when I wanted to have a conversation with someone, or a meal. It was very relaxing for everyone.

The most important thing here is that it's good for the baby, and if you can do it you're lucky. I know you said that you don't have any children yet, but when you do I don't think you mother is going to change her opinion because it seems to have been her opinion for her whole life, and when you have a child your focus and energy will be on that child, not on changing the psychology of your mother. The best thing to do is just be firm about it and say, "this is what I'm going to do for this reason, end of discussion." I think your aunt should do the same.

Oh, and I never had an orgasmic experience breastfeeding. It just feels so nice to be close to your baby, and know that they feel safe and happy and are being nourished in the best way possible.

[Wolfie]

My breasts, my choice.

Sorry, couldn't resist :D

:up:

Sorry, could resist either. It's not too often I get to agree with krista. :D

[zoebird]

i've done a lot of research on this topic and there seems to be 2 or 3 main reasons why people stop breastfeeding:

1. social and sexual mores: fears about babies, breasts, and sex.
2. work and other "busy" pressures: since so many women have to go back to work, it is difficult to breast feed and work (and not really supported in this culture). So, even if baby is breast fed, it's likely that while mom is away (from about month 1 on), baby gets bottle fed breast milk or formula, and then breast fed occassionally. Most people stop at a year.

i don't think these are good reasons not to breast feed per se. personally, i would force the issue with #2 and the workplace--but i'm a yoga teacher so i'm self employed and can do what i want. Other people cant force the issue and i'm cool with that.

the first issue is just a bunch of social up bringing and misunderstanding about child development and the like.

i've read wonderful stories about children who self wean at 3, 4 and 5 years old. They don't often breast feed (usually just before bed or nap time), but they do for bonding, nutrition, and other psychological gain. They're doing what is "natural" and they grow up as bright, normal kids. Of course, most of these kids whom i know personally (3 kids total), their mothers are stay at home (or work fewer than 15 hours a week outside of the home), the kids are home schooled or sent to alternative schools, and the parents are basicly "alternative types" anyway.

I think this is why mainstream people freak out about it. But, in traditional societies, children weaned around age 4, and most people would have children every 4 years.

i hope that i am able to breast feed until my child weans him/her self. i guess it does come down to--my breasts, my choice and mind you own business. :)

[clickman]

I will never breastfeed children, if I have them. Not under any circumstances :p

[kristadb]

Good for you clickman :boobies:

[vegiemom]

Hello,
I posted a while ago with some questions, and I have another...

My mother isn't fond of women who breastfeed their babies for more than 6 months... and is confused when a woman breastfeeds for more than a year. I have an aunt who has twins that are nearly two and they breastfeed, and her first son did for a long time too. Well I like my aunt so I stick up for her, but Im only 24 so I have no kids, so thats where you guys come in.

My mom says its not right for a woman to breast feed so much because it deprives the father of bonding time... and because it forces the mother to do most of the work with taking care of the kid, and she never gets a break. Your opinions?

My mom also said that she (for the 3 weeks she did breast feed me) felt really good, almost orgasmic, when breast feeding me. She is convinced that women only breastfeed that long because it feels good to them. Your opinions?

Danke :)

**The part about "depriving the father" is total bs and it sickens me to hear that excuse! If father's were meant to have the feeding/bonding time THEY would lactate. Dads are dads and moms are moms... we all get equal bonding time in the lives of our children.And equal WORK time.... moms usually do more for the child as an infant. That's the way nature has it set up.

**Orgasmic?? Nope. It's a feeling of warmth and closeness with your baby. But not orgasmic. That's her issue!1!!!lol. A mother bf's for extended period of time because that's what HER BABY needs & wants.

[vegiemom]

My breasts, my choice.

Sorry, couldn't resist :D
so why are you posting?

[kristadb]

Because I'm allowed to :)

[vegiemom]

My son is 18 months old, and still nurses....as a matter of fact, he's nursing right now as I type with one hand.
I would hardly call nursing orgasmic.......infact, it's totally UN-sexy. I find it at times to be very uncomfortable and annoying........but it's superior nutrition for my son, so I will sacrifice my comfort for his well being.
My husband and my son have a wonderful relationship. Extended nursing has done nothing to interfere with their bonding. We all sleep together in the same bed, which has only stregnthened the bond we have as a family.
Your mother is entitled to her opinion, and you to yours. When you have children some day, don't let her opinions dictate your decisions.

**cosleeping!!! I think that cosleeping has given my husband MUCH more bonding time and situation than a Dad who DOESN'T cosleep. My son gets in bed and reaches his arm out to his daddy and they touch all night...

[kristadb]

That's the way nature has it set up.

No, that's the way women choose to set it up.