I've got to admit. I've been reading the ED thread and Dosh's thread and a few others. I've been trying to understand how this happens and what could possibly be the key to getting better. This had motivated a lot of reading in regards to the subject. I happened across a wonderful piece that explained so that I finally get it. I wanted to share it with anyone else that may be trying to understand what is going on as well. The article is a real eye opener.

Here (http://www.gurze.net/site12_5_00/anorexia2.htm) it is. I found it in Eating Disorders Resources.

It explains that for most people with the disorder, it's really not about the food. Most times there is some other underlying issue that must be resolved before the person can begin to get better. And it is a mental illness. Who knows? Maybe this may help someone here understand why they have an eating disorder so they can start recovering (or stay in recovered mode).

Anyhow, I sincerely wish all of you struggling with this the best. Be strong.

I can honestly say I don't have an ED, but I know what one is like. Perhaps, that's sound like a strange statement, I dunno. I'm glad you found some understanding to this and I wish everyone the best too. :)

I knew what the definition was, but the root cause was what was getting me. I thought it mainly had to do with wanting to be skinny. And then I thought once you got so far and your stomach shrunk that it was hard to go back to eating a plate of food unless you worked up to it. And that was where the problem with recovery was..like a habit. Turns out I was wrong. I mean, a small part may have to do with wanting to be thin and all the behaviours that come with the ED being more or less a habit. But it runs much deeper than that. I'm glad I have the information now. Not sure why, but it helps me to somehow understand more people here and possibly there responses to other things. I don't know if I'm making any sense. It's getting late.

For me it was about control, and wanting to be "the _____" (thinnest, prettiest, smartest, you name it). I suffered from both overeating (100 pounds to 150 in a matter of months at the age of 14) and then what I call borderline anorexia. I couldn't control most parts of my life but I could control my weight and the weight issue became a huge part of my actual BEING and identity. In some ways it still is. Fortunately I did not fall as far as many others around here, but I do understand many of their feelings.

Ruthie you have basically just hit the nail on the head. eating disorders, not just anorexia are all about underlying issues. be it a strong need for control in an otherwise chaotic life as meatless illuded to in her post, problems at home, or severe issues with self esteem, or anxiety issues, or depression or any mix of problems that can be masked by the rigid behaviour of severe self restraint in eating disorders.

for me my eating disorder was always a way to deal with the stressors around me, when i was anorexic, it was a way to put order in my life where all i felt was chaos (depression) to improve and mask my mood and to tell my parents where to shove it. most of this held true later when my problems became more bulimia, It was still a coping mechanism a way to vent frustration and anger that i couldnt take out on those around me.

Most people are not aware at first that there is more to what they are doing other then their desire to lose weight, others are inherently aware that they are trying to get attention, trying to stave off depression etc. it varies. most often however its only after entering recovery that people start to figure this stuff out.

Control is usually a big part of it. It is the one thing the person can control. One of the reasons it is common amongst younger girls is that when the body changes and the way people react to them changes, they feel like everything is changing too fast. They want things to stay the same, to remain consistent. `For this same reason it is more common amongst athletic girls, girls who perform(with pressures to be thin and doing so garners accolades and recognition) and girls who are molested.

I actually knew a boy with the disorder- statistically male anorexia is on the rise, but this was many years ago when I was 16 and the only buzz about Anorexia was about it affecting girls. He had a really hard time and still suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Studies have also shown that OCD is more prevalent in those with Anorexia. There is debate as to if the OCD "triggers" the tendencies to be anorexic or vice-versa.

My heart goes out to anyone who deals with this or ANY disorder. It can isolate a person and make them feel very different, like no one can relate.

I had what I thought was an eating disorder until I read the ED thread. I have nothing compared to those on that thread. I couldn't even post this there because I didn't know how those brave people on that thread would take it. I read the whole thing and cried through most of it. I thought being overweight was terrible, but I see there are more heartbreaking things than being overweight just because I love food. My heart goes out to everyone who has a true ED. Your courage to fight to live is an inspiration to us all. I don't think I can read that thread ever again without crying. You are all so precious, so special, so brave. Fight on, you are valuable to us. :lovesign:

I've got to admit. I've been reading the ED thread and Dosh's thread and a few others. I've been trying to understand how this happens and what could possibly be the key to getting better. This had motivated a lot of reading in regards to the subject. I happened across a wonderful piece that explained so that I finally get it. I wanted to share it with anyone else that may be trying to understand what is going on as well. The article is a real eye opener.

Here (http://www.gurze.net/site12_5_00/anorexia2.htm) it is. I found it in Eating Disorders Resources.

It explains that for most people with the disorder, it's really not about the food. Most times there is some other underlying issue that must be resolved before the person can begin to get better. And it is a mental illness. Who knows? Maybe this may help someone here understand why they have an eating disorder so they can start recovering (or stay in recovered mode).

Anyhow, I sincerely wish all of you struggling with this the best. Be strong.
And that is also the reason, if I may add, in a lot of cases, people who are overweight can't 'just put down the peanut butter'.

ETA: I just finished reading the article. Losing weight is also a way for some women to avoid developing into mature sexual beings, in effect to remain in a child's body without the demands of intimacy and responsibility that accompany adulthood. For example, a survivor of sexual abuse might feel unsafe and would logically reason-consciously or unconsciously-that a body which resembles a preadolescent is no longer sexually desirable or appealing. For her, losing weight could well be a means of protecting herself so that she would be less vulnerable to assaults.
That sounds about rihgt, excluding (for me) the part about being sexually assulted

FYI..I understand why people who are larger/bigger/overweight, etc. can't, won't, don't try, to loose weight. I'm one of those folks.

I didn't understand the flip side of ED's...the other end of the spectrum. Turns out they are the same in that they are both a coping mechanism for a much larger issue(s).

Sure, you'll still have folks that run on the skinny side and folks that run on the larger side that are perfectly healthy and don't have issues. Great for them! I now understand however, more clearly those people who struggle with food.

i've recently read theories, too, about EDs as addictions, particularly food addictions. a friend of mine is sugar, flour, and caffine free and a member of FAA (food addicts anonymous). it may be another method of treatment that will help people. According to this theory, certain products, such as sugar, causes particular chemical processes in the brain which leads to similar problems as alcohol would to an alcoholic. Therefore, traditional behavoiral modification treatments may not work.

anyway, it's worth a look-see.

I've heard the same about sugar Zoe. I've also heard that high carb/high fat foods increase something in your system that has a sedating effect on the brain. The reaction that happens is addicting for some, although the person isn't really aware that they are being sedated.

Serotonin. People often overeat carbs and simple sugars to get the "serotonin boost" , leading Doctors to beleive that people who suffer from over-eating disorders lack serotonin. Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft etc. are SSRI's and boost the amount of serotonin available in the brain and that's one reason they are often prescribed for over-eaters and those recovering from over-eating disorders.

That's a very good article ... it pretty much says it all. Hopefully it will help other people understand too, because I know it can be very frustrating for non-ED people to try to help those with EDs :) Thanks for posting!

I mainly was thinking to myself "why doesn't he just eat more and stop excercising if he wants to gain weight" while I was reading about DoshKel's experience. I basically wanted to learn about what possibly could be going on with him because he is such a sweet kid I feel so bad for him. I wanted to help and try to find answers that may point him on the path to better health. After reading this though, I don't know that there is anything any of us can do besides be supportive and encourage him when he does things that are good for him. Ultimately, professional help in resolving the underlying issues may be his key..I'm not sure. Don't really want to assume because I don't really know him. I just wish there was something I could do to help him and folks like him.

Thank you for reading that article. It was obvious that you were trying to understand, but I was getting angry reading your posts because you just didn't get it. Now you do.

Anorexia is a complicated, horrible, shi*ty disorder to have and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Too bad that I love it to pieces at the same time and am terrified of letting go of it. Ten years of it has ingrained it into my identity- I honestly don't know who I am without it.

Ephemeral - You put it perfectly - I don't know who I am without my disease.

And EDs can be like an addiction. Like, every morning I wake up, determined to not binge (or restrict). Yet I find myself immersed in the cereal cupboard, and end up restricting because of that. It's a horrid cycle.

I mainly was thinking to myself "why doesn't he just eat more and stop excercising if he wants to gain weight" while I was reading about DoshKel's experience. I basically wanted to learn about what possibly could be going on with him because he is such a sweet kid I feel so bad for him.

I've felt the same way MsRuthieB. The only difference is, that I have been told all about eating disorders before. I think that it is something that is really hard to understand if you've never experienced it (and believe me, I never want to).

Ephemeral - You put it perfectly - I don't know who I am without my disease.

Indeed, you did!! It's like I don't even know what I like or want sometimes when I start moving away from my eating disorder. Without it, I feel somewhat empty, and then I get pulled back in because it gives me the illusion of feeling "safe" and then I know what I want, even though it's not what's best for me.

Ephemeral - Didn't know I was making you made. Sorry as that wasn't my intention. I have (or try to have) an open mind.

Also, I posted in one of his threads regarding his struggle that anorexia is really confusing to me. I asked if it was is an ongoing struggle? Or is it a challenge to see how much one can gain/loose before the next time you get weighed? What is it? I asked specific questions..I'm not mad or anything that I didn't get an answer. But I also stressed in two posts that I am seriously trying to understand because I've never been there and that's why I was asking. But nobody answered me. Not even in a PM.

I searched for the answers myself. I figured that it just may be too personal an illness for people to answer questions about.

i think the thing about a lot of these diseases and disorders (from addictions to ED) is that they are more complex than a simple series of answers (ie, just change your behavoirs, just get this meditation, just get therapy, etc). it's probably a combination of things that then get turned in on themselves and on thing triggers another triggers another so that the whole system gets convoluted.

for instance, with alcoholism, a person may have a genetic/biochemical predisposition to addiction (certain biochemical pathways in the brain). maybe they drink for pleasure, maybe they drink to get away from some underlying issue (control, whatever). eventually they are just addicts and the whole system is convoluted. Sometimes people are addicts right away (biochem), and others it takes time because they're using it as self medicating escapes or for control. That's why these things are so hard to treat.

i like to believe that a combination of behavoiral mod and addiction treatment is probably the most effective method for all of these addictions and disorders--but it's not an easy path. There is a lot of rework, a lot to untangle. And it's a struggle--there's also fear and shame and a myriad of other things.

yeah, there are days where i want to tell me SIL--just get your act together! but it's way more complex than that.

That's great you're learning about it :) A lot of people just think people with EDs are stupid and vein, and don't even bother trying to figure out what's wrong. The reality is that EDs are mental disorders, not just some diet. I found that article "ok", but maybe it's just cause I already know too much about EDs :P I think the main thing is that EDs are subconcious coping mechanisms, which is why they're so hard to stop. You never really learn how to deal with problems, so that becomes you're only outlet, and the more you starve, the more obessed you get. And of course, in order to do something so self destructive, you've gotta really not care about yourself at all. I think that's part of the reason it's so hard to get well, a lot of times the person just doesn't think they're worth it. Especially when you have a constant stream of negative thoughts (you're too fat to eat, you don't deserve that, you take up too much space), like 24/7.

It's sort of like with alcoholics, how they try to drink away their problems, they try to starve away their problems.

I struggle with anorexia. I'm far better with eating than I was even a year ago, but I feel like, for me at least, even if I'm a lot better I'll never be like everyone who can eat a couple pieces of pizza and not flinch, or order some sort of pie at a restaurant without a second thought.

Even when I try very, very hard, that little calorie calculator is always going.

And I couldn't be less vain. In fact, anorexia...as it progresses and you lose more and more weight and get next to no nutrients....slowly destroys your appearance. Your body gets dehydrated, you get lanugo, your bones weaken, you are always cold, your eyes get super black, your lips crack, you go pale, your skin gets dry and flaky, your nails get brittle...it ages you. And yet, if you can see all that and you still find it hard to stop...it's not about vanity...but something else.

I do my worst when doctors get involved...all others except for my natropath. I've had the most callous doctors who, when I was at a low 80 lbs - said that they had seen far skinnier people (then added that all those people had heart problems) and also told me that I probably weighed like 5 lbs less than they did, when I weighed 30 lbs less (and they were stilll petite)...stuff like that. So, after a bad visit with a crappy doc, I'd often wind up losing more weight since I felt like they were saying I wasn't really thin yet...

I also get bad if forced to gain quickly.

I've done the best by having a personal 'contract' where I can't go below xx lbs, and if I do, I have to gain 2 lbs a week until I get back up to my OWN goal. AND 2lbs a week would be tortorous for me, so I aim to maintain.

I also get more anxious if I eat junk food. So my diet is largely healthy things like fresh fruits and veggies, supplemented with flax and some seeds, and minimal packaged goods.

-Linz

MsRuthie: i really appreciate your genuine interest to find out about Ana, and to try to understand Dosh, and others like him.
i already know everything said in the article, but i think it's a good starting point for someone who does not really understand it. so i've emailed my bf the link. i hope it might help him understand me somewhat. maybe not completely, but i need him to understand that it's not that i WANT to have this, neither is it his fault (he asked if it was), nor anyone else's.
thanks. :)

I honestly don't know who I am without it
*nods* totally.....that's also what makes recovery hard.

For all of you trying to understand - good on you. It's people like you who are able to help those suffering from ED to heal.

I've been prone to eating disordered behavior since my teens. Particularly triggering are periods of transition, like when I left home for college or when I graduated and was thrust into the real world feeling very unprepared.

With restricted eating came the sense of control. I felt utterly unready for the changes and challenges I was facing, so limiting the amount I was eating provided me with a sense of competence.

Related Aside: As I write, it is interesting for me to note that I am inherently a perfectionist. It's only as I've gained a little experience in life that I've been able to let go of my need for absolute perfection.

As I've became more comfortable with the new challenges facing me, I found that my need to restrict my eating has lessened. Now, more confident in my abilities, I don't limit my eating, but instead focus on eating healthfully. I actually like myself now and believe in my abilities.

There are a lot of different causes of ED - a helpful resource is www.somethingfishy.org

Thank you again for trying to understand.

I had what I thought was an eating disorder until I read the ED thread. I have nothing compared to those on that thread. I couldn't even post this there because I didn't know how those brave people on that thread would take it. I read the whole thing and cried through most of it. I thought being overweight was terrible, but I see there are more heartbreaking things than being overweight just because I love food. My heart goes out to everyone who has a true ED. Your courage to fight to live is an inspiration to us all. I don't think I can read that thread ever again without crying. You are all so precious, so special, so brave. Fight on, you are valuable to us. :lovesign:

You are a good person, and full of kindess, so I know that what you said you didn't mean to offend anyone. But, I feel the need to speak my bit here...
Compulsive overeating is an eating disorder with physical and mental ramifications just like the others. I feel that many times because thin ness in hailed and celebrated in our society, anorexics and bulimics seem to be taken "seriously" (which they very well should be) and people dealing with compulsive overeating or binge eating disorder are commonly seen as fat, lazy, and out of control. My point here is NOT that anorexia and bulimia are not very serious and life threatening illlnesses, or that we don't LOVE and CARE FOR those people on the board effected by them; its that compulsive overeating is a legitimate disorder that can cause pain and not merely a personal weakness or affinity for food.