Does anyone have a sexless marriage?My hubby and I havent had sex since last year,I think.Its been so long ago...
I figure,whats the point.He always got off and I was never satisfied.He doesnt even ask for sex anymore.We have been having some issues with our relationship,considered divorce,now not to sure.We are basically roomates anyway.He sleeps on the couch,I have my bedroom.We have kids,so maybe thats reason enough to just stay together?I dunno.
Anyway,back to the question,is there anyone who is in a sexless marriage?

VM

been there, done that. i'm not saying that this situation can't work. but my first marriage had many of the same elements. and getting divorced was one of the best things i ever did.

is he good with the kids? is he your friend?

if i ever get married, i most likely will be . . .

Awww..do you two ever get time to yourselves to be just a couple instead of mom and dad? A quick couple of hours here and there may help. Get to know each other again. There must be a spark of desire somewhere..finding the key to fan the flames is the tricky part. Lack of quality couple time is usually the culprit in the relationship when there is kids involved. People tend to loose track of who they are and let the mommy role consume them, which I understand is very easy to do because its so important. But you are three things..an beautiful individual, a lover/wife, and a mother. Those three things are all important becaues they make up who you are. Maybe some balance is in order for the both of you. Do either of you ever get any me time? It's hard, but even if it's just a half hour a day to recharge your batteries. Just throwing ideas around..maybe this is a long down in the up and down cycle of a relationship?

I would bite the bullet and try talking to each other. He probably does want sex but is afraid of being rejection or he knows he isn't satisfying you and doesn't want to accept that he needs to learn a few new tricks. :) Some conversations are hard to start and this is one of them. But sometimes the biggest problems in a marriage are miscommunications.
I do think couples can have a sexless marriage but if the reasons aren't physical why would you want to? Remember, there's more to sex than just penetration!

It sounds like the situation bothers you. Otherwise, you wouldn't have posted it, I imagine. Just talk to him, and maybe the reasons will come out naturally during the conversation.

My husband and I go for long periods without having sex. At first, it really bothered him and he voiced his thoughts openly, but now, he doesn't mention it any more. Part of our problem is that my health deteriorated and I just didn't feel good. My husband is a good man and he knew that I felt bad, so he didn't want to bother me. The other thing is that MsRuthieB has a good point - finding time to be togther. My husband and I never seem to get alone time. I know that this plays a huge part in our not being intimate. To make things worse, we were in a car accident not that long ago and I ended up hurting my back, so now, I can't sleep in my bed because it hurts my back. Being separated at night makes being together even harder. BUT, we both believe that there is more to a marriage than sex and that, while sex is important, it's not so important that it would end our marriage. In our case, we are each other's best friend and we love one another very much. We just have to work at getting our health in order and at making more "couple" time for one another. It's hard when you have children, but it is possible. If the two of you love each other and want your marriage to work, then the key is communication and making time to for one another so you can remember what it was that made you fall in love in the first place.

From what I've read, long droughts are pretty common, especially in couples with kids. (1 in 5 couples, accd to this article http://abcnews.go.com/sections/2020/Living/2020_sexlessmarriageQA030929.html )I don't think people talk about it enough, so I am glad you decided to share.

A friend of mine told me (after she got engaged) that she said her fiance would never cheat on her unless, "We like didn't have sex for 3 months and (she) refused to go to counseling." I am not married, but I thought it seemed a little naive to think that situation would be an extreme one, especially if they are going to have kids, jobs, and pursue advanced degrees.

I wish I could some advice, sorry. I hope things get better for you.

I have been in a long relationship where the sex just seemed to come to a halt. I eventually ended the relationship because it felt like we were more best friends than involved in an intimate relationship and the lack of sex certainly contributed to these feelings. I guess it is definately one of those situations where you have to try and talk to each other. Hard as it is, it would be playing on both your minds so will probably be a relief to get the issue into the open.

I'm in a pretty much sexless marriage. Sex is painful, I never enjoyed myself and I really have no desire. For awhile I would do it as a favour to him. But then it started feeling like a chore, and so I stopped that altogether.

My hubby has been good about it for the most part. A couple of times, he has threatened to leave me, which really hurts. So I tried being more open, and telling him what he could do to help me, what I like and don't like. That ended in disaster, as he just got defensive and upset. Saying that if he did all the things I asked (like brushing his teeth!!) that sex would be like a chore. I said "welcome to my world!!"

I don't think he really understands what it's like. How frustrating it is, and how it makes me feels like I'm broken and less of a woman. So yeah, I understand how you feel. I don't have any advice though. Just support and hugs :)

I just think people pressure themselves too much. Sex is not a requirement for any relationship.

I'm not married, but my boyfriend and I never have sex. We do once in awhile, when he asks or I figure he wants to... I feel bad cause I just don't ever really want to have sex with him. Lately I've been wondering if there's a point to us going out cause of that, I mean we get along well and he's a great guy, but is it really a relationship if you don't want to "be" with the other person?

Based on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, sex is in the very first of the basic needs: physiological needs. Sex is grouped in with other things such as air, water, food, and sleep. (see more here (http://web.utk.edu/~gwynne/maslow.HTM)). I know by applying it to myself from being in a sexless marriage previously and understanding Maslow's theory, I feel as though I'm lacking something or something is missing if I am in a relationship that is not sexually satisfying.

For the women who are in sexless relationships...how does that make you feel? Is it possible for you to be satisfied and happy in that type of relationship? Don't you miss it (being sexually satisified)? I'm just trying to understand here because I've had both types of relationships now. Why would lacking in this facet of your relationship not be a big deal? Most of you are in the sexual prime of your life.

And also, is it usually the woman's choice not to have sex? Curious.

There has been alot of press lately about men being the ones who make a marriage sexless actually. I had that in my first marriage. Of course now I'm sure he was getting it elsewhere.

I was just wondering, with all the press and talk I've heard lately about women with diminished sex drives.

You know, my X and I had great sex right up until we seperated...and even a few times after. So if sex were all it took, we'd most likely still be together.

I think it depends...but in this situation it sounds like it's not being discussed...and if you haven't had sex in more than a year, yikes. I'd think that would be frightening. However I also believe that in normal relationships, it's probably good to go through periods of seperation from those sorts of demands. I think I've heard that from successful couples (maybe on oprah lol), that sometimes all you can be is good friends, and then at other times, the passions come back. It's kind of like the tide.

I had six years of great sex... but the marriage was not that great. What can I say?

B

I do think though...that if you stopped having sex because it wasn't satisfying for you that's another thing altogether, and maybe you need to work out how you can be satisfied in a sexual relationship. That had to be frustrating though...not being satisfied by your partner. I think many women do this.

B

(wonders if this thread has died and why)

prolly cause it's hard to talk about. i had that and it was one of the worst times of my life. :(

This is just my opinion, but I think sex should be a relatively important part of a relationship. If sex is hurting for someone, I don't think that is normal.

I found that when I cut back on sex and went a month or two without, it would hurt when I started up again. But my husband and I have sex pretty regularly, and it's pretty good, not the absolute best I've had but not to complain about.

Sex is a great way to be able to get a natural high, and also connect with someone on a deeper level.

Again, those are just my opinions.

Like Rincaro said, it is very difficult to talk about. I am married and have no interest in being intimate with my husband, for various reasons. I have always enjoyed our sex life. It has to do with me falling out of love with him years ago....it's not anything he did nor i, its just that we grew apart and now i really want him more as a friend than a lover. He is no doubt devastated by all this, but im hoping at some point those old desires will spark up again...

i've always believed that love was 50% lust and 50% being best friends. i would certainly find my relationship lacking without it.

my boy's parents have slept in separate beds for the past couple years due to "snoring." but apparently that's changed recently and his mom's been waking up late... so i suppose there's always hope and people go through dry spells.

For the women who are in sexless relationships...how does that make you feel? Is it possible for you to be satisfied and happy in that type of relationship? Don't you miss it (being sexually satisified)? I'm just trying to understand here because I've had both types of relationships now. Why would lacking in this facet of your relationship not be a big deal? Most of you are in the sexual prime of your life.
I dunno, odd I guess? I sorta always feel like I'm dodging sex advances(telling my boyfriend I"m tired before he even asks to have sex, that way he won't ask). I used to be very sexual, but for the past year have had no sex drive. I'm really trying to think lately whether I have no sex drive inspite of my boyfriend, or because of him :worried:

I dunno, odd I guess? I sorta always feel like I'm dodging sex advances(telling my boyfriend I"m tired before he even asks to have sex, that way he won't ask). I used to be very sexual, but for the past year have had no sex drive. I'm really trying to think lately whether I have no sex drive inspite of my boyfriend, or because of him :worried:

That's a good question...