The basic desire may be back, but ultimately it is pants for me.
I have tried really hard, and my b.f is incredibly sensitive and to be honest, I can't fault him technically. But it hurts like a mo'fo. I occaisionaly enjoy it, most of the time, I enjoy it because its a partnership and I want him to have pleasure. But, for me it is bloody uncomfortable, painful, etc. :cry:
I don't know what to do!!!
I have been to the dr, and I have nothing "wrong" with me...it just feels like I'm engaged in intimate relations with a giant.

Are you making sure that there is a lot of foreplay beforehand? Have you tried using lubricant? Have you tried different positions? Is the problem actually that you are small and your bf is really big? I seem to remember reading that certain positions are better for these sort of problems...I'll see what I can find.

hmmm.

schoska, i understand your frustration and concern. but i want you to understand that, if your doctor says you are physically able to have penetrative intercourse, it is still entirely possible for you to have psychological barriers preventing you from enjoying it. it may be that you cannot relax enough to let it happen. when you are stressed and/or nervous about it hurting, your body's natural reaction is to tense up and stay dry. is there anything in your past that happened to you that could make intercourse something you have trouble with, mentally and emotionally? or is it just that because it's hurt so much in the past, you can't stop thinking about the pain?

your vaginal canal is naturally elastic and pliable and was designed to elongate and widen into a large enough space to allow a baby's head to pass through. unless your bf really is a giant (and has a penis wider in circumference than a newborn's head), i do not think that enjoying intercourse is impossible for you...but i do think that it will be if you do not get to the bottom of whatever it is that is holding you back from enjoying sex with him.

all that being said, the "sexperts" will tell you there is plenty more you can do with your bf in the bedroom that will bring you pleasure and release without penetration. perhaps that is what you two should be focusing on, and perhaps once the pressure is off, you may be able to try again, without so much stress and worry accompanying the whole thing.

I was just going to say that I forgot to mention that it is important to relax. If you are worried about it hurting, then your muscles will tense and it will hurt even more...there is actually a medical term for tensing vaginal muscles in anticipation of pain. You can read more about it here:
http://www.vaginismus.com/ and here:
http://sogc.medical.org/pub_ed/vaginismus/index_e.shtml

ah, that was a good read, thanks, ms. bunnicula. i was trying to remember the name of the condition i was describing above, and coming up blank.

I had endrometriosis. It felt like my husband was banging into my womb, and it was painful. Put me right off it. And the postion we had liked best made it worse (my legs on his shoulders)
Go for masturbation and teasing and see how you feel. Or 69. Too much is made of penetrative sex, unless you're trying to get pregnant right now? Lots of other ways to be loving and get sticky. ;)

No problem. I had actually never heard of a name for the condition until I tried to find some info for Scholska.

Lube is a very good thing. Have you tried putting a pillow under your hips to angle your pelvis forward some? That can sometimes make things more comfortable.

All good suggestions. It is usually uncomfortable for me, too, if I am not relaxed, turned on, or have had an orgasm(s). Lube helps, sort of. About 2 years ago I had a pain in my abdomen every time like an organ was knocked loose (bad pun), but they could find nothing wrong with me. The only other option was to do explorative surgery. Uh, no. I think it was all in my head, though I hate to use that phrase. I learned to relax and not worry about all the things I needed to do (bills, dinner, laundry, whatever) and that has helped.

Good idea Christy. Maybe you could take some time to meditate and relax before sex. Tell yourself the errands can wait and that you need to take time for yourself and your boyfriend. Don't feel guilty. Also, there's no such thing as too much foreplay!!!

Also don't forget that sex is not a requirement. A relationship can work out very well without actual intercourse, assuming the guy is good at other things. ;) Your physical relationship definitely does not need to suffer; there are many other enjoyable things you can do with your boyfriend. Don't be hard on yourself.

Also, there's no such thing as too much foreplay!!!

So, so true. And if you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood. Ask for a raincheck and no attitude about it.

Thanks guys. We do do plenty of foreplay, and that is fine. Great even, but everything goes downhill from there. I find it very frustrating.
I think I do need to start trying to relax more though..