Okay, I seem to be the only woman who doesn't enjoy having a guy go down on me. It doesn't hurt or feel at all unpleasant, but I freak out emotionally and I have no idea why. I was never raped or molested, that I remember, so I don't think that's why. But anyways, it'll start to feel like I'm getting somewhere then I burst into tears, and sob uncontrollibly!! It is soooo embarrassing! Not to mention frustrating..I don't even really enjoy making out cuz I know that it can't do me any good after a certain point. If I've been with the guy for a while, I don't mind trying this, just to see if it's a problem with the guy and not me. But if I don't really know him then I won't let him go down on me. Am I the only one with this problem or am I some kind of freak? And not to sound like a prude or anything but I would appreciate if nobody cuts and pastes this under the main health forum for everyone to see. thanks! :o

Your not the only one to not really enjoy it either...I feel too self concious so it's not a fav of mine - esp when there are a lot of other things which feel better!

And bursting into tears seems to be not that uncommon a reaction...I've read articles on it before, and they mentioned it could because sexual experiences can be so emotionally overwhelming, crying is a natural release for this.

You may want to consider 1) your age. Late teens and/or early twenty somethings are not all that free sometimes with being this intimate. 2) the time you have been dating your partner(s). I think it takes time and a lot of comfort with one's self to be this intimate with someone. Not anyone will due (well, emotionally, that is). I have heard MANY women say they do not care for that experience but it is usually because they are not 100% comfortable with themselves. I have heard many other self-confident women say 'oh yeah, i like it! and we do it before he gets a thing!'

The crying thing I would also chock to doing something you are either not ready to do or with someone you are not ready to do it with.

I can take it or leave it. I prefer not to because I can't enjoy it with thoughts going through my head like....
did I wash good enough?
are my legs shaved smooth enough?
is he getting enough air?
does he want to stop and is just continuing cause I haven't come?
Is that garlic I ate for dinner coming out in my pores?
should I open my eyes or close my eyes?
and so on, and so forth

I've never actually cried - but I've felt like it many times (out of frustration and anxiety) :)

I think everyone is different. You may like someone but that doesn't mean that you are confortable enough to be very intimate with them. If you feel stressed about it then crying would be a natural reaction. How do the people or person you have had oral sex with react when you started to cry? Have you felt comfortable enough with your partner to discuss how you feel about it? In some ways I think oral sex can be even more intimate than regular sex. I wouldn't suggest engaging in it unless you are with someone you feel very confortable and very safe with.

If you don't like it, just avoid it. Just tell the guy it's something you're not interested in. You're not the only woman nor or you a freak at all, don't worry. We all have our sexual preferences. You shouldn't feel bad for not liking it or crying either. Sex is about doing what you're comfortable with!

Hey thanks everyone. The guy I did it with I had dated for over a year, but I think part of the problem was I was self-conscious and felt guilty. I mean, it's not like it's exactly pleasant for the guy!
But what I forgot to mention is that this sometimes happens if i'm just being fingered. Actually, it almost always happens...sometimes it doesn't, though. Which might be normal I guess but at this rate I will never get off!! I start crying before anything can happen! :(

But if I don't really know him then I won't let him go down on me. :o

This just sounds like good sense. :)

Ditto to what the others said. Take your time, explore what feels good (and doesn't). If your partner's worth a grain of salt, he'll understand and hopefully offer to help :D you discover what works for you.

I mean, it's not like it's exactly pleasant for the guy!


Actually, I think a lot of guys enjoy it. My boyfriend loves doing it for me. About the crying - I sometimes cry after or during sex, it's really weird, but it doesn't bother me. It seems like everything is just so intense that it just happens but it doesn't mean I'm upset. Maybe that's what it is for you? Do you have to stop if you start crying? I can imagine the guy getting a bit worried about it though.

i dont think its weird. I dont really like it either..but then again my interest in sex is..considerably low. (wish I knew why)

Part of it may be that you see it as something the guy feels he "should" or "has" to do. Is this because of signals he gave off? Or did you just assume because you viewed it as something unpleasant he did to? You have to be comfortable with your own body before you can be confortable with others touching it. A lot of guys do actually enjoy going down on a girl, so don't assume he sees it as an unpleasant thing. Some women find it helps if they take a shower or bath right before engaging in oral sex, or heck, even doing it in the shower :) Also you may want to ask yourself how comfortable you are touching your own body. Exploring yourself and finding out what feels good will make you much more confident when you are with your partner. You can then show him what works for you.

Wow, i'm glad this subject came up! I have never really enjoyed oral for many reasons - i feel self-conscious, or my mind wanders a lot, i'm thinking about if he's doing it because he likes it or not...and most of all, it doesn't feel like much of anything. I need a lot more pressure in that area and g-spot and fingers to rock my world. But as far as guys not enjoying it, most guys i know love it. If i'm in a serious relationship, i usually tell the guy that i'm not that into it, and they're usually not surprised, i guess your facial expressions or lack of groaning says it all! Anyway, I feel that it's good to be upfront about your likes and dislikes and then you can just relax and enjoy it!

I've only recently been comfortable with recieving oral sex. (or giving for that matter :PP) Its only been about 3 yrs since I became comfortable enough with myself to even have an orgasm with a guy. At least for me, it was all a matter of self confidence. I didn't know how I was supposed to be reacting, or how he would react to however I was reacting, and I didn't want to seem dumb or anything. I think probably what helped me most was hearing from guys I was dating or friends with that they loved doing it, and loved when girls made noise, and they loved getting girls off, etc... I still find it easier to orgasm through manual stimulation. Something about the ability to maintain consistant pressure in the right place... but it still feels nice. And remember -- vegetarians taste better! :D

a lot of guys love to do it, it's a turn on for them, especially if it really turns on the girl they're doing it to.

that being said i think a lot of the uncomfortable feelings might be that we associate those parts as being dirty (it's where we pee from after all) or paranoid about smell or taste or worried that the guy doesn't like it and only does it cause he thinks he has to etc.

next time you could try cleaning really well with a washcloth before you think there might be some action (not something we always think to do aside from in the shower. oh don't use soap or whatever, just water.) that way you won't subconsciously be worrying about hygeine the whole time. and just remind yourself that he wouldn't be doing it if he didn't like it. it might help to talk to him about it and ask him if he honestly does like it etc. more "subtle" foreplay beforehand might help too. it's not something a guy can just jump into without getting you warmed up first and expect fantastic results. personally i just find it irritating. sometimes they need to be reminded that it doesn't switch on and off like it does for guys and we need a more gentle approach lol

I can take it or leave it. I prefer not to because I can't enjoy it with thoughts going through my head like....
did I wash good enough?
are my legs shaved smooth enough?
is he getting enough air?
does he want to stop and is just continuing cause I haven't come?
Is that garlic I ate for dinner coming out in my pores?
should I open my eyes or close my eyes?
and so on, and so forth

I've never actually cried - but I've felt like it many times (out of frustration and anxiety) :)


yep, thats about what goes through my head. Oh to be a guy and just not think.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm really moody, and I know that, so I'll do things with my b/f I don't really feel like doing right then, because I'll feel bad if I "just don't feel like it" and hes in the mood, so I assume he feels the same way and is doing it just because he thinks it'll make me happy.

I didn't care for it until I had a long term boyfriend that was very talented. Once I realized I could actually have an orgasm by receiving oral sex, I no longer cared whether he enjoyed it, thought I didn't smell great, taste great or whatever. I felt like it was his job to please me and if he wasn't going to, to hell with him. ;) :hump:

Galatea - :up:

hmmm.... i think the biggest thing is who you're with. i agree that it is much more intimate than sex. it's their mouth, after all! i enjoy it with my boyfriend, but then i've long been very comfortable with my body and he always seems quite eager to oblige. and we're like best friends, too, so i trust him completely.

there's something about our culture that has denied females the opportunity to be sexual. so i say, if you're with someone you trust, just RELAX and stop worrying. if they care about you, they'll care about your pleasure and not much about "grossness" or any silliness like that. we're not gross or dirty. the human body is beautiful.

and if you really don't like it, that's cool too. everyone has a different favorite song, everybody likes different kinds of sex. to each her own!

For me, my biggest fear before my first time receiving oral was how i smelled/tasted especially because it was his first time giving oral sex. Anyways...to ease my fear I basically asked him if he would shower with me, and then, after being all freshly scrubbed, we went back to bed and when he practically begged to go down i finally said yes. Try that....maybe you'll be less self-conscious and have a chance to enjoy it more :-)

I do not enjoy oral sex much, either. I could never have an orgasm from the act. I do think it is a little gross as well (for the guy) but not as bad if you have just showered.

I don't think its gross, and really, it doesn't taste gross. Not that i've ever gone down on a woman, but i've kissed someone whos just done it to me and it wasn't foul or anything.

thats probably tmi... but is the truth just the same.

Gee. I don't think there needs to be some big psychoanalysis about it all. I'm not very into getting oral either. I'm perfectly comfortable with myself. I'm not self-conscious about my body. My boyfriend and I are very intimate and generally sexually pretty "free." It just doesn't really do it for me that much. I like it once in a while, but I prefer other things much more.

It's cool. Some people like having their ears blown in. Some don't, but that doesn't mean the people who don't like it are self-conscious about their ears or aren't really that close with their partners or whatever....