question about breast feeding?

[jellie]

That's exactly why I am trying to word things with respect Tame :D

I am aware that things get taken out of context with the written word and I don't want Krista or anyone else to think I am attempting to provoke a debate, far from it. I am genuinely interested in the response. I didn't suggest that Krista did say everyone should give up breastfeeding at a certain time did I? ;)

Just attempting a respectful conversation to gather the opinions of others :D

[kristadb]

<-----is disappointed that there will be no debate and ponders starting one. :think:

[jellie]

I am not going to judge and say that these woman are bad mothers, but they have just very different philosophies towards nurtering their babies then I do. It just hurts me when I see a woman walking around with her baby crying in the stroller, chatting with her friends. I just want to scream "PICK YOUR BABY UP".

I totally agree with you Wanda :up:

When I find myself getting frustrated about other people's choices I just tell myself that they love their baby too, and are obviously doing what feels right to them.

[bethanie]

For some of us, breastfeeding is never successfully established. I've known other mothers who had to go back to work and simply didn't want to jump through the hoops of pumping whenever the need arose. Perhaps other mothers feel like the six months to a year they gave to breastfeeding their child is sufficient.

For myself it was never established successfully....there was collic, lots of throwing up (projectile vomiting) and the literally constant desire to breastfeed (as I've mentioned I had a high needs baby). And I was by myself at the time.

What I've disliked about this discussion and the other one on here about high needs children...and just about every mothering discussion I've been part of (except for the private online mothering board I'm on where we've been friends online for years and don't feel the need to always be knocking each other around for our decisions about parenting), is that because we all love our children so much and are so continuously excited about how they are doing, and are so durn-tootin' proud of them, we think we must be doing everything as it is 'supposed' to be done. It doesn't seem to enter very many of our minds that someone who does something totally different could ALSO be doing what's right for their child.

I work with children daily. I have learned that I cannot be the same for every child. I mean, you'd think that would be the fair way of doing things...giving each child the same in a classroom. But not every child needs or wants the same. I have children who want to be hugged every five minutes and children (who btw are raised by kind loving parents) who never want hugs. I had/will have an aspergers boy last year who hugged me one time the entire year in a fit of unbridled glee at having given me an end of year gift I liked. He cringed at being tuched basically, so my interractions with him were always based on his needs, and respectful of his needs and not mine.

I'd like to reitterate that every one of us here loves our children and wants what's best for them. But we are not all THE SAME, and our children aren't THE SAME.

I hate all the judgement that goes on between mothers when mothering is such a dang hard job and we need every bit of support we can get.

B

[rosiesmom]

That's what I wonder myself (also not to judge, but just curious).
I think it might have something to do with the whole attitude towards nursing. Some woman just nurse to get the nutrition into their babies. I remember being at this mother group several years ago and we were all sitting around with our newborns. Most mothers would nurse their babies for a few minutes, look at their watch and call it done. Their baby would be crying for more, but it was just time. Another woman I know even asked her mother, while her baby was crying, whether it was time to nurse yet. Nope, another hour before feeding time.

I am not going to judge and say that these woman are bad mothers, but they have just very different philosophies towards nurtering their babies then I do. It just hurts me when I see a woman walking around with her baby crying in the stroller, chatting with her friends. I just want to scream "PICK YOUR BABY UP".

Some of my favorite books are:
The Baby Book (http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bookSearch/isbnInquiry.asp?sourceid=00401249066150296652&ISBN=0316779059&bfdate=08-06-2004+00:44:34) by William and Martha Sears and
Children are from Heaven (http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bookSearch/isbnInquiry.asp?sourceid=00401249066053556686&ISBN=0060930993&bfdate=08-06-2004+00:46:32) by John Gray.

Maybe she's just trying to prevent a 20-lb terror from calling all the shots. I'm not saying anyone should ignore a baby who's hungry or just needs some attention by any means, but it doesn't hurt them to fuss and cry sometimes.

I've seen first hand the result of diving for your kid every time he squeals and would never make the mistake with my own kid. That's my opinion of course. I'm not telling anyone else how to raise a child. Dive away if it makes you happy.

[vegiemom]

For some of us, breastfeeding is never successfully established. I've known other mothers who had to go back to work and simply didn't want to jump through the hoops of pumping whenever the need arose. Perhaps other mothers feel like the six months to a year they gave to breastfeeding their child is sufficient.

For myself it was never established successfully....there was collic, lots of throwing up (projectile vomiting) and the literally constant desire to breastfeed (as I've mentioned I had a high needs baby). And I was by myself at the time.

What I've disliked about this discussion and the other one on here about high needs children...and just about every mothering discussion I've been part of (except for the private online mothering board I'm on where we've been friends online for years and don't feel the need to always be knocking each other around for our decisions about parenting), is that because we all love our children so much and are so continuously excited about how they are doing, and are so durn-tootin' proud of them, we think we must be doing everything as it is 'supposed' to be done. It doesn't seem to enter very many of our minds that someone who does something totally different could ALSO be doing what's right for their child.

I work with children daily. I have learned that I cannot be the same for every child. I mean, you'd think that would be the fair way of doing things...giving each child the same in a classroom. But not every child needs or wants the same. I have children who want to be hugged every five minutes and children (who btw are raised by kind loving parents) who never want hugs. I had/will have an aspergers boy last year who hugged me one time the entire year in a fit of unbridled glee at having given me an end of year gift I liked. He cringed at being tuched basically, so my interractions with him were always based on his needs, and respectful of his needs and not mine.

I'd like to reitterate that every one of us here loves our children and wants what's best for them. But we are not all THE SAME, and our children aren't THE SAME.

I hate all the judgement that goes on between mothers when mothering is such a dang hard job and we need every bit of support we can get.

B

**to breastfeed. Baylor had that. He nursed every hour for 5 months... and still nurses many times thru out a day. High needs! ugh. The "over touched" syndrome is the only thing that made me consider stopping... but I'm glad we didn't. Kim berley

[bethanie]

Ah...that reminds me rosie'smom....sometimes I do childcare work for our church to earn a little extra money. And last night was my first night back after summer vacation, to sit for choir practice and a new Mom's group.

Okay....a result of baby always being held and picked up when she cried baby. And this made me kinda sad actually...not judgemental, but sad for the baby. Now granted, she was a preemie and had a pretty scarey period there at the beginning of her life. So, I totally get why mom is SOOOOOOO protective of her. But she's nine months old now and should be doing a LOT of things such as sitting up on her own, crawling, starting to pull up, etc. She appears in all other aspects to be on target with develpment, and I'd go so far as to say (from my experience with this age group) that she's in the normal functioning range. However, she never wants to sit, lay (on stomach or back) on the floor. This is a pretty important developmental stage for her. But she never gets to practice her skills because she's held whenever she cries. and whenever she gets put down, she cries. she's gone from normal sized baby to very chubby baby and my feeling (down deep) is that this is because she never gets to do any real exercise. I'm concerned more than anything, because I love this mom. But last night we had two babies...same age...and one was crawling around the floor and playing...and the other...needed to be held all the time.

I had a high needs baby, but I knew she needed to have time to explore and learn on her own even if she didn't necessarily want to. And also that children learn self-calming techniques (such as playing with feet etc) by practicing self calming.

Again, I say there's a balance. I think if a parent just doesn't want to be bothered that's one thing...but I also think you can watch a child for a few minutes to figure out if they can resolve a problem on their own, rather than jumping in to fix something before they ever get a chance to work it out.

B

[bethanie]

**to breastfeed. Baylor had that. He nursed every hour for 5 months... and still nurses many times thru out a day. High needs! ugh. The "over touched" syndrome is the only thing that made me consider stopping... but I'm glad we didn't. Kim berley

It was more than once an hour. It was every time I held her which was often. It was every five or ten minutes. And then every time she fed she threw up.

B

[vegiemom]

Ah...that reminds me rosie'smom....sometimes I do childcare work for our church to earn a little extra money. And last night was my first night back after summer vacation, to sit for choir practice and a new Mom's group.

Okay....a result of baby always being held and picked up when she cried baby. And this made me kinda sad actually...not judgemental, but sad for the baby. Now granted, she was a preemie and had a pretty scarey period there at the beginning of her life. So, I totally get why mom is SOOOOOOO protective of her. But she's nine months old now and should be doing a LOT of things such as sitting up on her own, crawling, starting to pull up, etc. She appears in all other aspects to be on target with develpment, and I'd go so far as to say (from my experience with this age group) that she's in the normal functioning range. However, she never wants to sit, lay (on stomach or back) on the floor. This is a pretty important developmental stage for her. But she never gets to practice her skills because she's held whenever she cries. and whenever she gets put down, she cries. she's gone from normal sized baby to very chubby baby and my feeling (down deep) is that this is because she never gets to do any real exercise. I'm concerned more than anything, because I love this mom. But last night we had two babies...same age...and one was crawling around the floor and playing...and the other...needed to be held all the time.

I had a high needs baby, but I knew she needed to have time to explore and learn on her own even if she didn't necessarily want to. And also that children learn self-calming techniques (such as playing with feet etc) by practicing self calming.

Again, I say there's a balance. I think if a parent just doesn't want to be bothered that's one thing...but I also think you can watch a child for a few minutes to figure out if they can resolve a problem on their own, rather than jumping in to fix something before they ever get a chance to work it out.

B

**Or at least we did until he reached 1yr. We don't agree with the idea of an infant crying alone... without support. And it worked fine. He met his milestones ahead of time and is very independant to boot. SO, the leave and cry method isn't for everyone.
That stinks that your baby puked w/ every feeding!! :(

[bethanie]

Actually to be quite honest, I believe that what she wanted was something to calm her. But since she had collic and cried about 3/4ths of the time she was awake, she wanted to be calmed REALLY often. When I expressed my concerns to my Dr, he just looked at me, gave me a sort of condescending head nod and told me there was nothing wrong, that sometimes children just have collic (even though she was throwing up a good deal of what she ate...which I've heard children aren't supposed to do that much when BF), and i should go home and you know...basically get over it. That was just how she was. And she never wanted a pacifier...she wanted my boob. I'm just as happy I didn't continue Kimberly, as you apparently are that you did. :yes:

Ack....those first three months (collic lasted that long) were like hell on earth. I'm just glad we both survived it.

[bethanie]

You're mistaking my meaning. I don't believe a child should cry without support. I think if necessary they should be 'supported' while they cry...but that sometimes, when you're learning how to do something new, life is just hard. You need support (much as we do here) but you don't need someone to 'fix it for you.'

That's the distinction I was trying to make with the little one I watched last night. She was held the whole time because that's her world and I'm not about to take her out of her comfort zone for the hour I had her...that's cruel. I don't think a child should be left alone to cry (that's a very lonely thing) but I think an adult can sit near, offer comfort and a calm voice and let a child work something out on his/her own.

that's all.
B

[vegiemom]

Bay was also "colicky" (I think that's such a blanket term for difficult babies, or babies who "are not comfortable in their own skin", as we put it). He didn't have any reflux going on (in fact he's only thrown up twice in his life?!) but was gassy, and uncomfortable most of the time. We saw a chiropractor for almost 3 months and it helped him SOOOOOOO much.

Just an idea for anyone suffering thru a colicky babe! ;)
Kimberley

[bethanie]

babies not comfortable in their own skin seems pretty right on. I never knew if the 'reflux' issue was the result of her being upset to the point of throwing up or just having a problem keeping stuff down (though now looking back it was probably a combination of both).

But in general and continuing, Madison has always been extremely sensitive to everything. Like what most kids normally feel...multiplied about ten times. Even now, most days just about everything is an earth shattering experience for her...and she's never ambivalent about anything.

LOL....
B

[vegiemom]

babies not comfortable in their own skin seems pretty right on. I never knew if the 'reflux' issue was the result of her being upset to the point of throwing up or just having a problem keeping stuff down (though now looking back it was probably a combination of both).

But in general and continuing, Madison has always been extremely sensitive to everything. Like what most kids normally feel...multiplied about ten times. Even now, most days just about everything is an earth shattering experience for her...and she's never ambivalent about anything.

LOL....
B

**could really tear this world apart, huh? :)

[kristadb]

Add J the Diva and it's a party.

[Wanda]

I don't think a child should be left alone to cry (that's a very lonely thing) but I think an adult can sit near, offer comfort and a calm voice and let a child work something out on his/her own.
I'm one of those baby-holding mothers. When my kids were really young, I would hold them every time they cried. They turned out absolutely great! Reached all their milestones. Are very (can I say VERY) independent children.

I am not saying what is wrong or right here. I just wanted to add my opinion to show that kids can turn out fine when hold a lot.

In this thread some unhealthy kids behavior has been discussed. I think that a lot more goes wrong with their raising than just holding too much, nursing too much, giving a bottle, letting them cry or anything else we have been discussing. It is sad that those families are used as examples to make other parents feel that their way of doing it might mess up their kids. It's of course the overall way of raising kids that decides how they turn out.

[bethanie]

I was talking about the mother and baby I took care of last night....

Hmmmmm, I don't believe I ever said either you shouldn't hold your baby and even if I did, last I heard I wasn't God. I'm just having a conversation on here with people who want to talk about this. I know we all do it on occasion, but you reallly reallllly realllllly don't need to defend your mothering skills to me wanda. :)

<<<glad your kids turned out great!

[rincaro]

<---- is confused :confused: and really needs stay out of this thread.

[bethanie]

<---- is confused

<<<looks around. Hey, this is a BREASTFEEDING thread, I don't breastfeed!

How did I get here? :doh:

Leaving. Please continue.

B

[Wanda]

Hmmmmm, I don't believe I ever said either you shouldn't hold your baby and even if I did, last I heard I wasn't God. I'm just having a conversation on here with people who want to talk about this. I know we all do it on occasion, but you reallly reallllly realllllly don't need to defend your mothering skills to me wanda. :)
I wasn't defending my mothering skills (feel confident enough about them).
I just wanted to make clear to all the people reading along that kids can turn out great if you hold them a lot. Your example could maybe scare some people from doing what feels natural to them.

[kristadb]

<<<looks around. Hey, this is a BREASTFEEDING thread, I don't breastfeed!


Neither do I, that's what makes the thread so fun :evil:

[mosquito]

It's my own opinion that if one cannot or refuses to breastfeed maybe that person should adopt or not have children.
kimberley (ducking for the incoming mud slinging)

Wow. That's harsh. I had to have breast surgery when I was 19 and was unable to breastfeed because of it (the ducts were severed). So according to you I shouldn't be able to have children of my own. Nice.

[vegiemom]

Wow. That's harsh. I had to have breast surgery when I was 19 and was unable to breastfeed because of it (the ducts were severed). So according to you I shouldn't be able to have children of my own. Nice.

to breastfeed. That's a whole different story! I'm talking about a person who simply doesn't do it, not that physically cannot.

[Artichoke47]

You said "cannot or refuses."

[smedley]

yes you did say "cannot". IMO people that judge others for their choices with their body and children should not have children.