Eat to Live IV - support thread for eating disorders

[Cissy]

Okay, new thread folks :)



Anyone is welcome to join in, but you have to following the rules:

1. You get hugged, regardless if you want it or not.
2. You have to be willing to learn to love yourself, even if you do not right now.
3. You have to listen to me, as Mama Bear knows best.
4. Numbers concerning weight, calories, etc are not allowed.
5. Naming-calling yourself will only be tolerated to a point. 1 positive comment is required in every post.
6. You have to be actively working on getting better.

May the day come quickly when we do not need this thread. Until then, this will always been a safe place to land.

Krista

Why actively getting better? This is meant as a recovery thread, a place to support people who recognize they have a problem and are working to fix it OUTSIDE of the internet. This is a peer group; we are not doctors or therapists. We cannot help you conquer your eating disorder all by ourselves.


And this pretty much summed up my feelings on "Why no numbers?"



Almost all of us have made mistakes with it before, but honesly, numbers can be seriously triggering to most if not all of us. Just think about it- if someone about your own height weighs less than you, eats less, and calls themself a pig or talks about how they think they need to lose weight, how would it make you feel?

[Formerbaboon]

Cool, new thread! I feel ya anabananna, I found all of my old notes and stuff regarding my diet, but I burned them all. I didn't need them to trigger me, or make me feel like I am a pig now, so they are all in ashes in the dumpster. And I used the fire to light my cigarette, so that was cool. I am still continuing to lose weight, so my parents are making me up my caloric intake, again. Still no menstrating, but I can't say that I ever liked having periods. Sometimes I feel like people are not going to love me if I gain my weight back. Saturday I am going to go out with an old friend, and I am scared for her to see ''the new me''. As you guys can tell, I have so many mixed emotions. :(

[Britney Spears]

my best friend is ana and shes in ip right now after her parents found her thinsperation notebook with tips/quotes ect they want her to gain 20 pounds,Personally i dont think someone should have to be hospitalized agianst their will its bull sh*t, and i hope she gets "better" too but i mean if she dosent want to then i dont she the point.

Shes very rebelious and a immideat relapes is gonna follow thats for sure

[Formerbaboon]

To me, I think hospitilazation is just a quick fix. I relapsed when I got out. It really takes a long time to get over anorexia, and my parents still consider me anorexic. I was so freakin mad last night, because I was standing in the kitchen with my sister, and I told her "Aww man, I have to eat *** calories, or dad and carla will be so mad". And do you know what she said to me?? "Adriane, you better eat those calories. No offence, but we all know that you love being anorexic." I wanted to beat her with a frying pan. I would like nothing more than to be normal again..ya know? Some people don't understand.

[@Raeven]

i understand that feeling.. because i have said something like that to my sister numerous times while recovering...

[Formerbaboon]

You mean you told her that she enjoyed having ed's? I hope not, because that really hurt my feelings when Abby said that to me.

[Scorpius]

...I was so freakin mad last night, because I was standing in the kitchen with my sister, and I told her "Aww man, I have to eat *** calories, or dad and carla will be so mad". And do you know what she said to me?? "Adriane, you better eat those calories. No offence, but we all know that you love being anorexic." I wanted to beat her with a frying pan....

Well, to quote your sister, "no offence", but you shouldn't of been talking to her like that anyways. To her, doing that would seem simple; she was prolly just expressing her agitation over the problem.

She was also most likely right in saying that, too.

[Formerbaboon]

:sick: Well, I think she was just saying that to be mean. She is a compulsive overeater, but I don't make remarks to her about that.

[April]

FormerBab~

I can see why that was hurtful coming from your sister, and I'm sorry she said it to you. While I'm sure you don't love being an anorexic, I think it's more complicated than pure hatred. It's kind of like how people that are in really abusive relationships keep going back to their abuser, or they mourn for them when they're separated, even if they know it's better for them. And they probably don't want to feel that way either. Either way, I doubt your sister was thinking of anything deep or compassionate when she said that. I'm glad to hear that you don't give your sis a hard time about her compulsive eating. :rockon:

Man, the warm weather is so triggering for me. It's coming at me from a few angles. First of all, I can't help but criticize my body when I see my reflection in the windows when I go for a walk. Secondly, last year at this time I was in my mega-diet mega-sweat phase, and it's like I'm nostalgic. I really want to get back into a regular workout schedule, but I'm so scared of it becoming an obsession again. I think I won't have the motivation to go to the gym unless I'm psycho about it like before. I wish I could find an inbetween.

Before I started school in a new place this past fall, I was planning on subscribing to all of the fitness-centered magazines. Thank goodness I didn't! Right now I just have a subscription to Self and Fitness, and they make me soooo angry. :evil: I know I should just throw them out, but I'm hoping I can get at least something good out of them. I'm not sure that it's balancing out, though.

I've been thinking about the impact my past relationships have had on my body image.
1. My first boyfriend thought I was absolutely perfect the way I was.
2. My second boyfriend said he wasn't used to girls 'as big as' me. Even my lips were bigger than 'normal' or 'right'.
3. My third boyfriend thought a small tummy was ideal on a woman (yay for me!), but he thought a woman's earlobes were her best body parts, and I developed a complex about my big earlobes and refused to wear earrings for about 6 years after that.
4. My fourth boyfriend thought I was gorgeous, and he would have liked to add some more weight to me.
5. My fifth boyfriend (finally in college) thought I was curvaliciously gorgeous, loved my long legs (I think they're shortish), and says I have a flat stomach (I honestly, truly, don't). He also thinks brown hair looks more natural with my skin tone. I'm naturally a blonde. Go figure.
6. The next guy I sorta dated, but never became a boyfriend asked me why I don't play any sports since they could change the shape of my body. Later, after several insinuations that I was 'fat', I called him on it. His reply was "If I thought you were fat, I could never just say 'you are fat'. I would say 'why don't you play any sports or get more involved in fitness?'. When I told him that's exactly what he had said to me 2 weeks prior, he basically had his foot in his mouth and then said that he couldn't tell if I was fat or not because of the way I dress. This guy was the physical fantasy for me- tall, dark, exotic, very handsome, sexy Turkish accent. He was a professional basketball player in Turkey, and he went to modelling school 'just to improve himself'. We never kissed. No wonder.
7. The next guy I dated said he prefers the typical ballet dancer's figure in women, but he 'understands that we aren't all meant to look like that'. He also said he liked tall blondes, but his heart was broken by a short brunette a few years ago, and he would check out every girl that fit that description, totally unaware that I could tell.
8. My next real boyfriend loved my body, and he weighed about the same as me, but he's 7 inches taller. He didn't notice that I'd lost about 10% of my body weight in 2 months.

After things not working out with the hot Turkish guy, I started to imagine a perfect me 3 jeans sizes smaller. Within a few weeks I was trying to purge and restrict, and that summer I bought Xenadrine, but didn't take it consistantly because it gave me really weird 'spells', for a lack of a better term.

I had a unique relationship with boyfriend no. 5- we've spent most of the 3 years we've known each other as long distance exes, but there's a chance we might be together in the relatively near future, and possibly for life. Things are touchy with him regarding body image. He himself suffers from poor body image, even though I think his body is perfect. I also compare myself to the ex that broke his heart years ago, later to lead him on again for a few weeks, only to crush him again. When she came back she was apparently a total hottie after having done the "body for life" regime. He was trying to get into it too a good while after that, and it makes my stomach turn when he says (about b.f.l. and his ex) "results don't lie". Also, he has sent me offensive pictures of very overweight women that are the butt of crude jokes over the internet. I've told him never to do that again, and so far, so good.

I don't know if I have a goal in writing all of this or not, but I just wanted to get it out. I was due for a monster-post. :shy:

[JavaPrincess]

I had fun with my camera last night. standing in my pj top and underwear standing in front of the mirror. i decided i wanted to know what i looked like. what i really looked like. I used to do this randomly with my regular camera taking a headshot hear, a leg shot there, a bodyshot reflected in the mirror every once in a while. but with this digital camera we just got this may become a habit. Its so much more accurate. one was soo perfect it is a half shot of me with a giant shadow reflected on the wall (all this in the mirror) it could almost be an eating disorder poster! unfortunately some were also pretty triggering. (i deleted them like a good girl) I dont reccommend this exercise unless your ready for it. I think i was cause although i felt ****ty about it last night i dont think it affected my eating today :)

Formerbab~
its difficult to get family to understand. but the one thing they will never understand is not wanting/being able to eat. you have to speak about your problems in terms they will understand. if you are feeling stressed and your thinking something calorie/food related then talk about the stress. even that situation if it repeats itself you could just say your feeling kinda stressed about food at the moment. it leaves less room for her to jab at you. (although im sure you imagine stuff..try it anyway) :hamster: learning slowly (im still learning) to talk about my emotions is what is really helping me.

[Formerbaboon]

Thanks guys. I love this tread.

Java- I have all of these old body shots. Sort of like a timeline. It makes me sad to look at sometimes. The old pictures, I was larger, but I had healthy hair, tanner skin, and no dark circles. The most recent ones of me are terrible. Pale skin, pertruding bones, thinner hair, etc. etc.

[glamboy]

April, that post was awesome. in my dating time (if one could call it that) it seems i was the only one who had the problem with my body.
1. never said anything about weight or my body,but was a serious athlete.so i felt i could never look pretty standing next to such a body god.

2. said he thought i was perfect. when i lost XX pounds he told me i was crazy and had lost the "pin up" figure that he loved.

3. only cared that my breasts were large. that relationship did not last long....

4. saw me when i was at my lowest and called me his Pixie. i loved hearing that. and loved that he always wanted to pick me up. i started binging and gained a lot of weight, he began touching my fat more, which can grow quite annoying, and then i stopped eating and he said he felt he should too. he was my partner in crime for a while and we threw all the food out of his apartment and drank tea like it was air. i later went to a dietition and she more or less opened my eyes, and i left him, yet did not leave me eating habits

i dont know, i guess that the more i pick myself apart the more i ruin my relationships. i have always been the one to end them and it has only been because of my own neurosis and my own self hate. i have had a few other guys strewn in there, but with them i would hear "i dont like fat girls" or "damn she is thin"

good note: i dont feel that sick anymore and my art has just sold to a woman for 400 dollars. hehe. glamboy is happy :D
~Glamboy

[*sprout*]

hey
i know i havent posted in a superbly long time but i used to write about my frend that was anorexic
well she finally started getting the help she need and gaining weight back and everyone was talking about how good she looked and they wud tell her how great she looked but then she took that as your getting fatter
so on friday she took 60 pills and tried to kill herself, although i do think it was more of a cry for help more then a i want to die
because she did call me and she told me she took some pills and that she drank a ****load of alcohal but i had a huge other mayjor issue on my mind and it never really clicked in my head what she had just done
so then later that night it finally did when i started to think about it, the same night i got a call from another friend saying that the anorexic friend had called her to say she was at the hospital and had her stomache pumped
she was at emergency for a couple days then was moved to the psychology ward to stay there for a couple more days
but this girl always lies and manages to get out of things so she pretended she was happy and fine and then the doctors let her go home

well i just wanted to say it all
its been on my mind so much and i cant tell anyone else really becuase they all know the girl
thanks

[April]

Wow Sprout, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she's doing ok now. I'm sure you'll be as supportive of her as she'll let you be. Don't give up hope. A very close friend of mine has suffered from severe depression since she was about 13, and she was in and out of hospitals and she did things just like your friend did, but today she's a brilliant, vibrant, happy 25 year old. I don't intend by any means to make light of this situation. Just know that yes, recovery is possible, and people don't have to keep their misery with them forever. :hug:

[Formerbaboon]

:rockon: what april said :)

[@Raeven]

You mean you told her that she enjoyed having ed's? I hope not, because that really hurt my feelings when Abby said that to me.

um... no the "I have to eat so many calories or mom and dad will kill me"... line...

and yeah, she has responded like your sister.. /shrug

[Virtue23]

I don't know if this would be labeled as an ed or not, but I'm concerned about my sister's behavior. FYI - my sis is slightly younger than me and we've always weighed around the same amount, which is normal (more on the slim side).

Anyway, I was hoping that someone might be able to help or possibly can identify w/ this. Here's the situation: ever since, I made the decision to eat healthier, she's been acting really weird and has become more obsessive. It's not like I or she used to eat extremely unhealthy, but now, I've been making some conscious efforts to decrease unhealthy and/or fattening foods and increase fruits and veggies. But I've noticed my sis has been taking the health kick to the extreme a bit - she watches what I eat and will be sure to eat a smaller portion than myself, or if she doesn't know what I ate, sometimes she won't eat anything or maybe just a dry piece of bread. Also, she's been looking rather depressed lately and has even confessed to obsessing over how much she eats compared to me. EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN"T EAT A LOT. For example, when she ate less than a serving of fries w/ her lunch (which I didn't have), she said she felt overly guilty for most of the day afterwards, so I'm concerned and (I'll admit) a little annoyed w/ her. It just seems like she takes things too far when it only makes her feel awful. And she usually denies having trouble w/ being obsessive, but I just try to ignore it or be encouraging anyway.

This is one of the main reasons I hesitate to try a vegetarian lifestyle (right now, I only avoid red meat). I know she would find out (as we live together - cheaper living that way) and if she's already obsessive, she might really develop an ed. :help:

I've been praying about it though, so hopefully a resolve will come soon.

[annabanana]

I'm sorry I can't offer you much help about your sister, but you have my sympathies. I have had experiences living with someone like that too, but not quite so extreme - for this person it truly was a "phase." Hopefully someone else will be able to lend you a hand?

I wouldn't recommend not trying a veg lifestyle because if your sister already has these ED tendancies, if it's not your lifestyle that throws her off, it will be something else down the road. However, you know your sister better than I do, so please try to do whatever is in the best interest of both of you.

:hug: :hug: to you and your sister. I will pray about this too, and hope for the best.

[Virtue23]

Thanks for your sympathies. I honestly do believe this is possibly a "phase" and it will go away eventually, but it can be tough.

And as for the veg thing, I eat very little meat already, so going the extra mile wouldn't be that big of a deal for me. I'm actually just considering what would be best for me, though I do want to be sure she's ok as well. And yeah, her undereating obsession is usually triggered by me unfortunately.

We're sisters who look very similar, so it's the most obvious comparison.

[Formerbaboon]

:hug: You have my sympathies too. Tell her how pretty she is. I know it may sound like you would be kissing her arse, but a little compliment here and there might help her with her insecurities...

[Virtue23]

[QUOTE=Formerbaboon]:hug: You have my sympathies too. Tell her how pretty she is. QUOTE]

This isn't hard (since she looks very similar to me) - hehe. It's almost like complimenting myself :D

All jokes aside though, she really is pretty (you would never think she would struggle with this), but I guess everyone's had their inner battles, whether its emotional or physical.

Thanks for the sympathies!!

[Formerbaboon]

Sometimes eating disorders can strike the most unlikely of people. I was pretty before I turned anorexic and bulimic, and now I am severely underweight, and actually, less pretty..

[Virtue23]

:hug:

It's what's inside that really counts, which is why you'll come out looking better than ever. :)

Be encouraged & God bless.

beauty - The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.

[glamboy]

after i noticed my stomach looking how i didnt want it i started eating in the low 3 d. numbers. today i woke up and looked at my eating plan which was suppose to be an orange a soygurt and a peach, which i ate, but then i ate 2 pb and j sandwiches and i still feel hungry, most likely the weight i lost will come back on but i am starting to think i dont care, and that it will come off easier if i just eat/ work out normally. i just hope this doesnt turn into a binge session and i can actually stick to this plan. :-/
~Glamboy

[Formerbaboon]

Its okay glamboy. Are you in therapy or anything? I am, and even though my therapist is a little cookoo, it helps.