relationship help: age difference and long distance

[Azygous]

would you date a 16 year old in high school who was 3 hours away if you were 19 and in college?

i've known this girl for a year now and she's my best friend.

in the last year i've had one gf and tried to look at many other girls but none of them come close to my friend. she's got the attitude and the personality i like and she shares the same opinions i do and she's cute too, which is just a bonus

she feels the same...

what should we do? we don't want to risk our friendship.

any ideas?

i dunno...she's just perfect...

[Christy]

I started dating my now husband when I was 15 and he was 19. So I think it's feasible, but her parents may have a problem with it. I can't help you with the long distance issue.

[veganmuncher]

Personally I'd go for it; If you both feel the same way, it could be a very special relationship. I know i wouldn't give up this chance. if yous are so close now...if you break up later,,,you may still be able to be friends. But if it's a risk you are willing to take..go for it! The ages difference...that's not much...not a problem :)

[kirkjobsluder]

would you date a 16 year old in high school who was 3 hours away if you were 19 and in college?


Three years is not a big deal when you are both in your 30s. It is a big deal when one of you is still in High School.

[kpickell]

It's illegal where i'm at, so no, I definetely wouldn't.

[Azygous]

um, it is not illegal if there is no sex

[Kiz]

You can't have sex at 16 where you live? That's rough. But yes, I'd go for it. I've never had any sense when it comes to relationships. ;)

[Astarte]

I have a friend in a similar situation. She's here at school and dating a guy at home who's 15. Male-younger, female-older age difference of more than a year seems to be something people judge a lot. If you do go out, you might want to prepare yourself for it, though they'd probably be judging her more than you. However, I've met my friend's BF, and he's a really mature, nice guy.

If it makes the both of you happy, then that's good. I do know that long distance relationships are very *very* difficult. So maybe wait until she comes back for the summer to see if it would work out.

I've had bad experiences with getting involved with my best friend, and no long-distance or age difference was applicable there. Suffice it to say, he's not my best friend anymore, and it's really due 100% to that mistake. I was rebounding from a long-term relationship at the time, which was bad :( I really regret it.

Not to say it couldn't be quite successful in your case. If you're not rebounding, I would recommend pursuing it. Just be careful.

[Max Power]

i've known this girl for a year now and she's my best friend.
That's more of a concern than anything else, as far as my experience has been. Not that a best-friend can't become a girl-friend, but a girl-friend rarely becomes a best-friend (or any other kind of friend) after the break-up. And yes, you will likely break up, and no, you don't know that you would still be friends afterwards. You may hope, think, expect, assume, and swear on your life that you would remain friends. But you don't know that will happen.

Whatever the two of you decide, I recommend you plan accordingly.

[thebelovedtree]

I can't help you with the age difference, buy my b/f and i are in a long distance relationship (hes 4 hours away) and we've been together for almost two years. we were very close before we started dating and we talk all the time, so that helps alot. If you both feel the same way, and are both willing to but in the extra work to make it a good relationship, then go for it!

[stellar26]

I say you try to take some time off. If it's meant to be, it'll happen! You're both young and need time to make sure that what you really want is eachother. Branch out, meet other people! But that's just my opinion.
You see, I was in a long distance relationship with a guy only a year older than me- we were together for a little over 8 months and saw eachother every week/ every other week. In the end it didn't work out and now I wish that I would have had my time in highschool to have fun and meet others and NOT be tied down.
At the same time, my friend Chloe was seeing a guy 4 years older than herself and they were also in a long distance relationship. They made it through 1 1/2 years of a long distance relationship- now she has graduated and they're living in the same town. They've been together for 2 1/2 years total and are looking for a condo together starting at the end of the summer.
Things can go both ways- but I'd opt for freedom at your young age. :shy:

[Nightshade]

I was 15 when I met my now fiance over the internet. He lived 2000 miles away, but we became very close friends and later on, found out we loved each other. Almost 5 years later, my story has a happy conclusion- we live together and are very happy with one another. :love:

But there were about 2 very difficult years where we couldn't even see each other. In my experience, a long distance relationship won't work out unless you have a really strong connection to the other person, and you are both equally commited to making it work. Like stellar said, if it's "meant to be" it will work out.

I would keep the focus on your friendship, because the best love relationships are based on friendship. I don't think the age/distance factor is going to increase your risk of the friendship going sour. Good luck! :sunny:

~NS~

[monkeyandbunny]

Regarding your age difference, it's nothing seriously. Women tend to mature faster than guys. I'm willing to bet you are in the same place if you're talking maturity level. :) Nothing wrong with that.

Man! I thought you were going to say you were 40 and interested in a 16 year old. You're not Hugh Heffner, so....

I think if you're both willing to work at making it work, then go for it. I have seen this work for people I have also seen relationships fail miserably because of the distance. Both of you are at ages where you will change as you increase in years. Be prepared to grow with each other.

[Azygous]

um yet another girl tells me she's not ready for a serious relationship.

what is this?

this is the 4th girl in a row. every girl i ask tells me they just want to date casually.

:(

love is dead.

[Skylark]

Azygous, are you asking a bunch of 15-year-olds? I have a 15-year-old sister, and I know she would flip out at the suggestion that she "tie herself to one guy". On the other hand, I'm a senior in college who would much rather be serious than casually date any ol' bloke. That may just be our personalities or it could have to do with age-induced maturity.

[Azygous]

Azygous, are you asking a bunch of 15-year-olds? I have a 15-year-old sister, and I know she would flip out at the suggestion that she "tie herself to one guy". On the other hand, I'm a senior in college who would much rather be serious than casually date any ol' bloke. That may just be our personalities or it could have to do with age-induced maturity.

hmm

Sara (15, just a friend) - No
Taylor (16, my friend i posted about) - No
Ashley (17, my ex who left me because she wasn't 'ready') - No
Ana (18) - No
Amina (18) - No
Maris (18) - No
Anna (18) - No

Delyla (18) - Yes, but is already seeing someone
Crystal (18) - Yes, already seeing someone
Gislaine (16) - Yes, already seeing someone

see my problem? all the single girls i talk to just want to stay single...or perhaps they are just rejecting me nicely?

however, my friend taylor insists that she still "likes" me but just isn't ready for a bf, and it has nothing to do with the age difference or distance, or so she says.

"rather than love, than fame, than money, give me truth" - thoreau

[Azygous]

oh yeah, and my parents broke up recently too.

and this is how my mom is looking for another guy...

she has a list of 50 different guys with all their info and what they look like and contact info....

love is dead

[Nicky]

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 21. There's 4 and a half years between us. So from my experience I would say yes, it's possible. I don't know about the long distance thing, for me personally that would put me off going into a relationship. Maybe you should have a talk to her about this specifically, it may help you decide whether you want to start a relationship with her :)

[AuroraLily]

:hug: for Azygous

[Azygous]

thanks aurora

<3

[kpickell]

You can't have sex at 16 where you live? That's rough.

You can have sex with someone your own age, but it's against the law for a legal adult (over 18) to have sex with a minor (under 17 in Texas). The age of consent varies by state. (It's 17 in some parts of Australia too btw). If the relationship is non-sexual then I don't think there's anything illegal about it.

[Oatmeal]

In my experience, a long distance relationship won't work out unless you have a really strong connection to the other person, and you are both equally commited to making it work.

FWIW, I think this is true for ANY relationship.

[Jeffer]

Your 19. You've got lots of time yet.
If it happens at a later date then it happens.

I also think that three years isn't anything when your in your twenties or thirties but 16 and 19? She's still a kid. So are you, but the book says your a man.

Just go slow.
When your a teenager everything, especially relationships, has a huge importance on it. Funny thing is that at 42 I can only think of one person from my high school years that I keep in touch with. That's just the way it goes.

Jeffer

[April]

You can have sex with someone your own age, but it's against the law for a legal adult (over 18) to have sex with a minor (under 17 in Texas). The age of consent varies by state. (It's 17 in some parts of Australia too btw). If the relationship is non-sexual then I don't think there's anything illegal about it.


I didn't realize these were state laws. I once heard that while sex with a minor is legal for someone less than four years older than the minor, any larger age difference makes it illegal. As in, an 18 year old could have sex legally with a 17yr old, and a 20 yr old could too, but not a 22 year old. But I'll state right now that I was in Pennsylvania and never looked into it.
sorry for my rambling..

If you really feel that the relationship is worth a try, then what do you have to lose? I've never been one to believe "if it's meant to happen it will". I know it certainly can't happen, though, if you don't both try.

[vinceneilsgirl]

My fiance is 20 and I'm 27. When we met he lived here in Florida and I lived in Iowa. We're the love of each other's life and the age difference doesn't mean a damn thing.

Go for it. Who knows, this could be the one.