Help Please!

[Richie_G]

Hello everyone I am new here but I am in dire need of assistance. I have been dating my gf for nearly 2 years now and things are good with one major problem, she is not a vegan and it's starting to become a huge deal. At first I think she found it very interesting and respected my beliefs but now it's a big joke to her and her friends...they're always having BBQ's or bringing me home Big Mac's and saying things like "oh just try it! quit being such a baby...." honestly I have had to go into the other room a few times because I was hurting so badly inside. What should I do???

[kpickell]

tell her.

[Richie_G]

Tell her what though?? Cathy can be a bit intimidating at times. I'm not sure how to bring this up w/out making her mad or causing a fight...

[kpickell]

Tell her you feel disrespected. She probably thinks it's funny and so you must think it's funny too. I don't know though, sounds like you might have other problems too if she's intimidating and heartfelt conversations lead to fights.

[Tony]

Look, if this other mammal is treating you like this, you need to let her go. It's going to hurt fo a little bit, but if she is just mocking you then she doesn't want you. When you chose this way of eating/life you chose the high road. What you should do is go commune with nature for a little bit and it will really put things into prespective for you. peace.

[Richie_G]

You guys just don't get it, Cathy and her carnivorous cronies can be more than a handful. It shames me to say that she really wears the pants around the house. In fact last Halloween she made me dress as a street walker just so she could be my "pimp" for the evening. It was so degrading. Then one time when I had some vegan friends over for our cooking night she came home with her rowdy friends with buckets of chicken wings and other meat products and totally ruined everything!! I just long for the old days where we'd lay in the grass and talk for hours about our dreams....

[dvmarie]

She sounds very immature to me. IMO you need to set her straight - and if she can't/won't respect you - kick her to the curb. There's plenty of carrots in the garden honey...... :vebo:

[1vegan]

There are several stages of behavior for omni's when they meet vegans.

Joking about it is one stage. If they treat it like a joke, they don't have to take it seriouosly.

If being/living vegan is important to you, and your gf keeps kidding about it.......
the relationship is dying. The fact that you don't speak up to her easy is also a bad sign.


It's hard to judge a situation from accross the pacific, but "dump the bitch" crossed my mind.

(welcome to VB btw)

[Kiz]

The first thing I thought was that it sounds like a symptom of something a bit deeper. On one level it is easy to say that she may just not understand how you feel about it, but if, as you say, she will be hard to approach on issues like this, it sounds to me like she is plain disrespecting you. Talk to her. Tell her how she makes you feel. If you feel unable to do this, or she just takes no notice of her, move on before it gets worse. Good luck with it.

[Richie_G]

Thanks everyone, your advice really gives me courage inside. I just hope it lasts long enough for me to approach her. I don't want you all to get the wrong idea. She really is very sweet when she's not drinking with her friends...perhaps they are the ones who need to go?

[AuroraLily]

Beware of a negative reaction if you tell her she needs to get rid of her friends.
She sounds immature, disrespectful and vengeful. She also sounds like she's emotionally abusive to you. You may want to consider finding support in your community for people in abusive relationships. :hug: Good luck.

[Pixelle]

Tell her what though?? Cathy can be a bit intimidating at times. I'm not sure how to bring this up w/out making her mad or causing a fight...

Richie, sorry to hear your GF's being disrespectful and causing you problems, but the bottom line is, if you feel intimidated in a relationship, it's not the right one for you and you should probably end it.

[rincaro]

I have to vote with everyone else. Noone deserves to be treated the way she is treating you. And even if there are good times, there are some things you have to draw a line against for self-preservation. Hugs!

[Michael]

Maybe this year you can dress as a troll and Tame can be your pimp.

[Tame]

Troll tricks are the best tricks! :tame:

[rabid_child]

I agree that she is being completely disrespectful and obviously has no regard for your feelings. You should never feel intimidated in a relationship, thats just wrong, regardless of who the person doing the intimidating is. It sounds like she's emotionally abusing you, which is really really wrong. If you really want to make your relationship work, sit down and talk to her and explain how you feel about it and if she doesn't change, then why do you want to be with someone who cares about your feelings so little?

[Lacykitten]

I'm sorry, but from your posts, it doesn't sound like a happy relationship at all. It's one thing for someone to "wear the pants" in a relationship or be the dominant one, but to a degree that you're describing - there's something wrong there. Someone said emotional abuse, and I tend to agree. If someone is causing you pain and you can't even talk to them about it... I think the relationship has gone the way of the dodo bird :(

Maybe it was good once, but it sounds like it's unimportant to her now, and that YOU are unimportant to her now. :(

Find someone who can care for all of you, and who doesn't hurt you inside. You deserve better.

[MusicJudy]

It sounds to me like she feels somehow intimidated. I don't understand this whole thing either, because my family members do sort of the same thing. They have hamburgers and ask me if if I want one when they know I don't eat that crap!

Now I forgot if you said this or not, but were you vegan when you met your girlfriend? If not, maybe she is afraid this change in you will lead to other changes as well. Or maybe she's scared you think badly of her for being a red-meat nut, so she insults you instead. It's juvenile, for sure, but perhaps that's the only way she knows of how to talk to you.

Either way, tell her she is being disrespectful and ask her why she is doing those things.

[eggplant]

She sounds a little scary. I'd move on to a relationship in which your partner respects you and doesn't intimidate you.

[bunnyfish79]

It's hard to judge a situation from accross the pacific, but "dump the bitch" crossed my mind.

(welcome to VB btw)

:up:

[Epinephrine]

it sounds like she's being psychologically abusive.. i'd dump her, like a week ago.

[Richie_G]

First off thanks to those of you who have offered love and support! :up: However now it seems I have been dubbed a "troll" by some of you. I have to say that really hurts. I came here because I was hoping to find some help with my problem with my girlfriend that is slowly destroying me inside, and now I'm being mocked here? That's not fair at all. It makes me so angry sometimes I almost wanna eat a steak....rare! :evil: But I don't because of the love so many others of you have shown...thanks. PS my girl gets home from her trip tonight and I'm going to lay it all out. Wish me luck!

[revelsunrise]

Hi Richie...welcome...

I don't think anybody was actually trying to mock you or hurt your feelings. I don't mean for this question to be rude at all, but are you this sensitive all the time? Part of the problems with your girlfriend may be due to you becoming increasing sensitive. She could really not mean any harm by what she's saying.

Good luck with confronting her, but still try to be nice about it.

Best Wishes,
Kristy

[kpickell]

PS my girl gets home from her trip tonight and I'm going to lay it all out. Wish me luck!

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[Richie_G]

I'm sorry I guess I'm just defensive now because of all the crap I've had to endure from omnis in my day. I keep forgetting this is a safe haven...I love you guys... :lovesign: