Some females don't want to be around a sensitive, soft-speaking male, because these males aren't powerful to them, and perhaps come across as weak.

Life is a learning experience, and with time I think most women learn to appreciate a nice guy who is not interested in constant d*ck-size-comparisons with other males. That is anything BUT being powerful. People can be fooled, of course, but only for so long.

Oh, and BTW, "nice guy" still doesn't automatically mean wimp(y).

Hmmm...I would say that women date jerks for the same reason men like to date beautiful women with nice boobies and butts. (I edited myself for the sake of the innocent).

Sex. The sex is generally wonderful with jerks. I should know, tis ancient history now but I have certainly dated my fair share of jerks (though what one's fair share is, exactly, I don't know). It's very exciting to date jerks also because of all the drama...but of course the drama (fights, broken hearts, etc) all lead to the same thing...the bedroom. Because after the war, you must make ammends and as the sex is already pretty dang good, and make-up sex is better...HELL...accept for the guy being a total asshole, it isn't all that bad.

Sorry....I'm a recovering jerk dater myself (Hi, my name is Bethanie and I've been jerkless for over two years ;)). So I just get what it's about...least what it WAS about for me.

Oh...and also...there's the low self esteem thing. When we see ourselves as flawed goods, we tend to match ourselves up with other such merchandise. You know, the whole, "I'd better snag this guy before he figures out I'm damaged."

Wow, sobering thoughts huh? Now I'll go read the other opinions.

BTW, the sex part WAS really good! Though looking back, having self respect is probably just a tad more important than good sex. Ah well...live and learn.

B

I think a lot of women are attracted to jerks in the hopes that they can change them. Honestly, what feels better than the bad boy who straightens himself up just for you? This is not my personal philosophy...I like quiet, slightly shy, and intelligent guys. But all I'm saying is that there's a certain amount of ego-feeding. A woman is hoping that some jerk will get his act together and treat her right so that she can feel like she's the most special female in the world...because he was bad to everyone else but loves and respects her more than the others.

I think a lot of women are attracted to jerks in the hopes that they can change them. Honestly, what feels better than the bad boy who straightens himself up just for you? This is not my personal philosophy...I like quiet, slightly shy, and intelligent guys. But all I'm saying is that there's a certain amount of ego-feeding. A woman is hoping that some jerk will get his act together and treat her right so that she can feel like she's the most special female in the world...because he was bad to everyone else but loves and respects her more than the others.

That makes sense. I've known a lot of women who had that same philosophy on dating gay guys.

That makes sense. I've known a lot of women who had that same philosophy on dating gay guys.

Women dating gay guys?!?!?!?!

hmm.. some men date, and get tricked by bitchy women. *sees a double standard* :p

There are so many equal things between men and women. Women say men are stupid, but hey, there are some women who are idiots. It's all equal, baby. What do you think the feminists have been trying to prove all this time? We can all be idiots, we can all be tricked by someone. :dizzy:

Women dating gay guys?!?!?!?!

Women who get crushes on gay guys and thinking they can change them.

Oh! Wow...some women really try to do that? That's kind of insane. Well, yeah, I guess it would be the same type of mentality though.

Not all women date jerks though. Remember, all guys SEEM nice at first. That's what my mom tells me anyways everytime I meet a "nice" guy. She says, "honey, they're all great at first!"

What do you think the feminists have been trying to prove all this time? We can all be idiots, we can all be tricked by someone. :dizzy:

"We" meaning women?





















j/k, luv ya! :kiss: :p

I dunno why gals like jerks. I never have, at least that I remember. I've always gone for the nice, cute, sweet guys.. sometimes the shy ones.. but the obviously nice guys. And I have (or at least did have) pretty damn low self esteem and self image... I very often thought "nah, they'll never want me..." but never really seemed drawn to bad boys or jerky putzes.

Then again.. I seem to be fairly good judge of character.... because I've not even really had bad experiences with friends or anything. Okay, aside from the guy who said he loved me after 2 weeks and turned into a total jerk after I broke up with him... and the guy who broke up with me only to realize he loves me and went sorta weird and gave me a letter detailing his love after I was dating my current guy.... but WHILE I was with them, and before, they were nice guys!! LOL ....

I also wonder why women would date jerks? I will admit to having dated a couple of losers, but guys who cheat, or make you feel bad about yourself? No thanks...good-bye.

"We" meaning women?
j/k, luv ya! :kiss: :p


:evil:

:kiss: :p luv ya, too, oati. ;P

Maybe women who date jerks are jerks themselves (Hmmmmm).

because some jerks are extremely manipulative, charming, and sociable. they make you feel like a princess but then slowly take control of your life and isolate you form your friends and family because "all you need is each other". then he tells you that you have problems, that you're doing everything wrong, that you're pathetic, that you're a whore because of all the guys you slept with before him, that you can't do anything right, and when you don't bend over for his every request he tells you you have anger problems and you can't take constructive criticism, and he'll tell your family all about it so that they distance themselves even more from you.. and then slowly you realize you might be better off if you left but you don't know who to turn to because you lost all your friends, and you hang on to the relationship until it's a matter of life and death. and then you leave. or you die.

Women date jerks because they are charming.

I don't put up with crap from anyone, thus, i don't date jerks. I think everyone does jerky things sometimes, but thats different from being an *actual* jerk.

why do guys date vapid women? why do they date the women who try to control their lives and won't let them go out with their friends and are naggy and whiney and want them to buy them stuff all the time?

Why do I love jerks?
Well, there are a lot of reasons....
1. I feel I can do no better, so I better damn well take what I can get
2. He seems disinterested- The thrill of the chase
3. The struggle to release that inner sweet person who I JUST KNOW exists
4. For 5 seconds he acts nice and I think I've broke him of his jerkish ways
5. I had sex with him after 2 weeks and now I am emotionally attached to an asshole.
6. Being his number 1 gal makes me feel like hot stuff
7. His cold, distant, loud gruffness is sexy
8. Cleaning up after all his **** makes me feel needed.
9. The make up sex
10. A consuming hobby- going out, fighting, and making up take up LOTS of time and emotional energy.

Well, there's my rundown on why I am addicted to jerks. Hope I helped. :)

I was reading (or rather re-reading) an autobiographical book by Nobel-prize winning physicist Richard Feynman, called Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman: Reflections of a Curious Character . He has a section in there about how to pick up women, etc. He says the last thing you should ever do is act like a "gentleman." He claims that anyone who tries to be a "gentleman" is just thought to be a sucker and disrespected. He says a man should not spend a penny on a woman unless she first promises to sleep with him (by the end of the evening). That comes across as harsh and counter-intuitive, but that is what he claims works.

I think it is true that many women respond to kindness with disrespect, and see men who behave that way as being weaklings and doormats. So I can see how maybe such women would respond favorably to being treated rudely and shabbily by a guy who acts like a jerk, interpreting such behavior as a sign of masculinity and strength.

He claims that anyone who tries to be a "gentleman" is just thought to be a sucker and disrespected... I think it is true that many women respond to kindness with disrespect, and see men who behave that way as being weaklings and doormats. So I can see how maybe such women would respond favorably to being treated rudely and shabbily by a guy who acts like a jerk, interpreting such behavior as a sign of masculinity and strength.

I am completely the opposite... If a person isn't polite to me (i.e. acts like a jerk), I immediately stop even considering considering to be vaguely interested. For me, there is no turn-off like a jerky, self-absorbed, or chauvinistic male.

Oh My God! Epinephrine...you kind of just described my last relationship.

The guy was a real jerk, but I didn't realize it at first. When we first started dating he was just wonderful! Slowly over time...after I became more attached...he started playing all these little mind game things. I started the relationship as a strong willed, powerful, and independent woman and by the time he was done, I barely even recognized myself.

It took a while to get over, but basically, when we broke up I realized how much he had controlled me in little ways that I didn't even realize. Sometimes you don't have to have low self-esteem or anything like that to be manipulated. Unfortunately, there are occassions where you date a jerk just because you want to believe the best in people...so when they seem so sweet and charming, you actually think they might be telling the truth!

"I think it is true that many women respond to kindness with disrespect, and see men who behave that way as being weaklings and doormats. So I can see how maybe such women would respond favorably to being treated rudely and shabbily by a guy who acts like a jerk, interpreting such behavior as a sign of masculinity and strength."

I think women respond to weakness with disrespect. If kindness was a turn off, 90% of the women on vb wouldn't adore Oatmeal (and I don't mean the breakfast cereal) :)

Often "nice guys" are very dull. Acting mean on top of their dullness won't help them get women imo.

WOW Epi I gotta say bravo... you are on to something there and its touching close to home

Often "nice guys" are very dull. Acting mean on top of their dullness won't help them get women imo.


Great! I’ve got on hope! :cry:

My question is: Why is MICHAEL asking this question??? Is he attracted to jerky men, or just dating bitchy women ;)

Oh My God! Epinephrine...you kind of just described my last relationship.

The guy was a real jerk, but I didn't realize it at first. When we first started dating he was just wonderful! Slowly over time...after I became more attached...he started playing all these little mind game things. I started the relationship as a strong willed, powerful, and independent woman and by the time he was done, I barely even recognized myself.

It took a while to get over, but basically, when we broke up I realized how much he had controlled me in little ways that I didn't even realize. Sometimes you don't have to have low self-esteem or anything like that to be manipulated. Unfortunately, there are occassions where you date a jerk just because you want to believe the best in people...so when they seem so sweet and charming, you actually think they might be telling the truth!

I was with that guy too :( My trouble is I believe plausible liars.
Once I learned to make truthfulness the number one priority, life became sweet. I am still a sucker for a con man sometimes though, it's not just your lovelife they trash; employers, plumbers, car mechanics...