I've got a bit of a problem, and I would greatly appreciate advice on the topic...
My boyfriend and I have been dating for quite some tme now, and we are talking about getting married and having kids and all that jazz. He's fine with my being a vegetarian (aspiring vegan, whatever), but he thinks that if/when we have kids, then they should choose whether to consume meat, milk and eggs. However, it's rather hard to express to a two-year-old the importance of a healthy and humane diet, and I'd like to give them a good start by them having a vegan diet until they are old enough to make their own decisions about things like that.
I think I could win such an argument if all the children were mine, but he has one daughter by another woman who he is currenly trying to get custody of, and I certainly don't have much, if any authority over her, seeing as how I'm not her mother or anything.
This is just a topic I really don't want to back down on, and I think it's important to be decided before we actually have kids. Does anyone have any advice, or been in a similar situation before?

Thank you much, -Seastar Domani

I think you should agree on this topic before getting married and/or having children.

I agree with Artichoke. These issues will be magnified after you get married and have children.

I agree with the others that it's time to sit down and talk this out and come to a decision. Good luck :) Only you know what you are comfortable with and what kind of future you want and what you will and will not settle for. :)

Moving this to Raising Vegetarian Children. :)

I agree you need to discuss before hand. Maybe you could present him with some research as to why elimating dairy and meat would be beneficial to your childs health. I've had this discussion w/my parents who think I am being unreasonable in not giving her meat or dairy, but I also told them when she is old enough if she's at your house and says "gramma can I try some meat" I told her she could, but only if my daughter asks for it. Although I hope she never does though.

My (omni) boyfriend and I have the same issues as you - and use the same arguments! There's no baby on the way yet, but at 36 we need to start thinking about it soon, hence the endless veggie/omni conversations. I'm feeling fairly relaxed about it at the moment because I think and hope that he'll realise that, in this case, my feelings about the issue are much stronger than his. Knowing him, he's more likely to give in to me, than I am to him!!

Having said that, I'm pretty laid back about stuff in general myself, so - even though it certainly isn't ideal - I can imagine being willing to compromise to a degree. For example, feeding the child a strictly vegetarian diet at home, but letting dad relax the rules if he wants to when they're out and about together etc.

Incidentally, we also have the 'other child' issue as my partner has a 7-year old son. It's slightly easier for us since he and the mother have joint custody, meaning that James' time is split between his parents and he is not at home with us all of the time. James is aware that I'm vegetarian, and what that means, and neither he nor his dad have an issue with the fact that I feed him only veggie food (veg hot dogs, burgers, mince etc) with the exception of fishfingers. However if we go out he's likely to share a 'real' burger with his dad, etc, and I don't argue with that either.

Good luck, I know how you feel! I guess it's just going to be a case of lots and lots of compromise, and not getting too het up about things.

I totally agree with your ideas - personally, I would choose the healthiest and most humane diet for my (hypothetical) kid's until they were old enough to make their own decisions.
Parents, no matter what diet their child is on, do not give them free reign over their meal choices - because breakfast would be chocolate, lunch would be candy and dinner potato chips. This isn't allowed to happen because it's unhealthy and is not in the child's best interests.
And when you believe, and have the facts to support that meat based meals are not healthy either....what is the difference?

Overall, I agree it is best to discuss it together and decide before having kids.
Maybe they could be vegie within the home and for packed lunches etc, but be free from 'food bans' if they were at a birthday party?

PS best of luck with the baby making! :hugs: