Something's Up

[Tiggzie]

Yeah, so this might not go here. Just move it.

I'm depressed. I think thats it. I haven't eaten in about a week. I've barely left my room in three days and i'm honestly wondering, what's the point? I have no friends, I don't live with either of my parents, my grandparents don't understand why I feel the way I do and I don't bother to explain because spanish is just too hard for me to speak right now. I can barely get out how I feel in english. More than anything I find myself thinking if I can do this for much longer. By 'this' I don't know if I mean life or just feeling the way I do. Both I guess. It's like for days i've had this feeling of suffocation in my chest and it just won't go away. And to most people this might come out of nowhere. It's not hard to put happy smilies in my posts and pretend everything is ok. But I'm not okay and I can't just pretend to be anymore. And I have no idea what to do about this. I need to talk and I need to know that someone is listening (or reading) and that doesn't happen very often. I hate posting this here because I feel like if I annoy everyone on here enough. I don't whether that's true or not but I'm sorry if it is.
I want someone to hold my hand and tell me I can get through this because, right now, I don't think I can.

[skarrlett]

Tiggzie :hug: Looks like were both feeling the same way. PM or email me if you want to talk.

[Veggiegirl]

It will be ok, everyone goes through these feelings. It is so awful feeling at the time, just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I will pray that you feel better soon, and I know you will! :hug: :sunny:

[SunshineDreamer]

I remember when I felt just the way you're feeling, a few months ago. But I'm okay now, and I know you will be too. Like veggiegirl said, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. :hug:

[mushroom]

Sometimes life sucks. I am sorry. Please go eat something. You need to eat!!

[Kreeli]

hey beautiful tiggzie! i'm so sorry you're feeling so low right now. i also don't have any quick answers for you. but i do want to put some things out there for you to ponder.

1) this time of year is hard on a lot of people, especially those of us living in northern climates. the lack of sunlight and fresh air can contribute to feelings of depression and hopelessness, and there's even a diagnosis for this: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). do you find yourself feeling low in the winter time every year? there are some things you can do to try and lessen the blues brought on by the lack of light in your life, including light therapy. if you ever get a sunny day where you are, take advantage of it and get outside and walk with your face turned up to the sky. aw, hell, even if it isn't sunny, make yourself put on your shoes and go trundle around for a while...even a half hour a day can make all the difference in the world. the feeling of being cooped up can be such a bummer, especially when you're feeling out of touch with the rest of humanity. don't get me wrong, i get most of my socializing done online simply because i'm a SAHM who doesn't have a whole lot of time for 3D contacts; but i also try to get out and move around every day, and smile at strangers and people watch. it does help.

2) are there any youth drop-in centers in your area? a lot of these places are free or else by-donation, and they have all sorts of planned activities for teens and youth. pool tables, ping pong, some indoor sports, checkers, card games, and most importantly, other people you can interact with. you might not make instant best friends with anyone, but again, i must emphasize that it's really important to make the effort to get out there and just be around other people, especially your peer group. often these centers have youth counsellors there that you can talk to privately about the things you are feeling and they have resources and training at their fingertips to give you strategies for coping. look up the boys and girls clubs of america and see if they have something running in your area.

3) you would not be the first or last person to ever be depressed for what seems like "no reason". if you are really feeling like you can't go on, i strongly suggest that you reach out to someone, anyone. there are crisis lines you can call, there are people here you can PM or email or IM with (me included), and you can even make an appt. to see your doctor just to let her know what's going down. clinical depression isn't something that you can just "shake off" with a little effort; it's a chemical imbalance in your brain that may require medication to even out. if, no matter what you do to try and feel better (or if you can't bring yourself to do anything), i really think you ought to go have a chat with your doctor.

most importantly, tiggzie, i hope you know that i really value your participation on these boards, and elsewhere online. i think you are one of the most beautiful people i've ever met, and i mean that honestly and wholeheartedly. i really hope that you start to feel better soon. life can really be rough and your feelings are valid. i wish i could give you a great big :hug: and feed you a couple of homemade cookies and paint your toenails funny colours or something right now. hang in there, sweets.

[LadyFaile]

aww hey i know how you feel. i went through a long stage of it when i was younger, lasted a few years. what got me out of it in the end? one day closed off in my room crying as usual i got angry and said "i don't want to do this anymore!" and it just stopped. i dunno, i just came out of it.
since then i've firmly believed that we all have the power to end depression ourselves and have to do it because we want to. i feel that medications only drag out the process. like when you have a cold if you take something to supress the symptoms it can make the cold last longer.

however, i do think that part of the process can include other things that can help, naturally. meditation for one. if you want i can go through a couple small excercises with you that have helped me when i'm feeling rotten. i can pm you if you want or we can chat on msn, up to you.

medically, i suggest getting your thyroid checked if you haven't already. i know i suggest it a lot for a variety of problems, but it is quite common and really does effect so much, physically and emotionally.

[NDvegan85]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way right now. But that's the important thing to remember, it's just now, not forever. You will get through this, evnen though right now it might be hard to see that. It's hard to see anything very clearly w/ the depression. I hope that you get feeling better very soon, and don't hesitate to see your doctor if this lasts much longer. It's a hard thing to go through, but we are all here for you! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

[Tiggzie]

This is more about the feeling of wanting to swallow more tylenol than necessary if you get what I mean. I don't know if the numbness or the sadness is worse. They both come and go.

[AuroraLily]

Tiggzie :hug: Please get the support you need to deal with these feelings. You are a good person and I don't want you to commit suicide. Please call a community centre or suicide hotline. You deserve to feel better than this. :hug:

[rabid_child]

:hug: I'm so sorry you're feeling that way Tiggzie, but you're not alone! If you ever want to talk, you're welcome to PM me or IM me or call me whenever. Heck, i'll even take you out/cook you a nice veg dinner sometime if you like! I don't live too far away from you. I'm dead serious. I spent a lot of my teen years feeling like bleg, and you're a good person, you deserve better than that. Whatever you do, don't kill yourself. It is a permanant solution to a temporary problem.

[Flower]

Oh, hun. :hug: I've been feeling this way a lot lately, too. Just keep reminding yourself that this will pass. It might feel like it never will, but it will.

[tearhsong2]

:hug: Tiggzie, you can get through this, but you need to get some help. Talk to your grandparents, your doctor, a school counselor, a suicide hotline, a teacher, or an acquaintance from school you feel comfortable talking to. Talk to several people if you must. You don't deserve to feel this way. You are a good, sweet person. Committing suicide would be very, very bad. As you can see, we love you here on VB! :hug: Seriously, if you ever need to talk, please PM me!

[dvmarie]

((((Tiggzie))))

Sounds like you are going through a lot right now. I am not an expert; however, sounds like some of it might be anxiety (I say this because I suffer from it - and some of your symptoms are my own).
It helps to talk it out - here, in PM (I'm also available if you just want to randomly PM me - truly), on the boards, phone with a friend, chat online, and even writing in your own journal (do you have a "Livejournal"? - I can give you a code if you don't).
Professional help doesn't hurt - do you have access via your school or community centers?.
I wish I could make it better (if it helps - probably everyone has been where you are at some point - so you aren't alone) :hug:

[VeganChick15]

hey I hope your feeling better. you can get through this but i know how you feel and if you need to talk really PM i mean it (or AIM me my address is on the teen forum) we could swap pictrues of Jade!

[shewolf]

Tiggzie, you know WE like you! We're your friends, even if we are only cyber friends... we're still real people who love you!

[1vegan]

I want someone to hold my hand and tell me I can get through this because, right now, I don't think I can.

*takes Tiggzie's hand*

I know you don't believe me, but you will get through this. I think that this is something most people experience at least once in a life time. In the end it might make you stronger.
It's not that strange to have more online friends than rl friends.


edited: (must pay more attention in the early morning)

If you pm me your adress, I'll send a card so you know you are not completely alone and that people care.

[DannyKass]

I hate posting this here because I feel like if I annoy everyone on here enough
Post like that all you want, it's not annoying at all! If you need to talk, you need to talk! And sometimes here is the best place for that!

Im so sorry the way you feel you do! And I wish there could be something I could say to make you feel better :D
:hug:x 8298293964893102930

Your a great person Tiggzie! And you have such a cute smile :)
We love you heaps!!!! :love:

[rainbowmoon]

Hey there,
I understand how you feel, the winter can be extremely hard on everyone in norther climates. I know I personally am feeling pretty depressed...
You can get through this and get better, but you have to reach out for help somehow. You CAN do this, but the feeling of helplessness probably comes from the fact that you don't see anyone 'on your team' -ie, there to help. You can email me if you want to, my address is Linzyann16@hotmail.com. As was said, I think you need to talk to someone about this, get into a counselor...get outside, get some exercise, eat some food...one thing that always helps me is tanning, going tanning for a few minutes. Its artificial sunlight, but as far as I can tell it has most of the benefits of regular sunlight.
We love you and we're all pulling for you!! :smitten:
lovenlight,
Linz

[Squirl]

Hi Tiggzie. I think I know what you're going through--or at least, I went through a couple of years when I was younger where I felt just the same as you said you do now. The only thing I can say is that you WILL get through this. I know it may be hard to believe this now, but when you get out and have all of your blue skies again, you'll be able to look back and say "I beat it. And how much more beautiful my life is now." Maybe it sounds cheesy, but there are still times now when life is so beautiful that I can't believe the way it was Before. Hang on tight and find someone to talk to...you'll get there.

[Tiggzie]

Thank you for all your responses and support. It means a lot to me right now. I still feel...blue. And I still feel alone but not completely ya know? It helps knowing that somewhere, at some point in time, someone is thinking about me. That's a nice feeling.

[Kreeli]

i've been thinking about you lots, tiggzie. i know everyone in this thread has. have you taken any of our advice? i really, really, really hope that you're at least trying to get out for a little while every day, even just to walk around, get a coffee or a tea, go to the library.

do you sketch or make crafts or anything? sometimes just creating a little something, something beautiful or that signifies my pain, or whatever, makes me feel so much better. baking cookies helps, too.

hang in there. and i meant it when i said you could PM or email or IM me anytime. zaftigvegan at yahoo dot CA (ca for canada) and AIM is zaftigvegan

love love love!

[Bobsy]

Tiggzie, there's not much advice I can add to what the others have already said, but I wanted to send you three million of these : :hug:

I know it looks right now like there's no where to go from here, but I promise you, honey, that there is so much better to come.

I know exactly the feeling you're describing, and during the low points in my life I've always remembered this quote by Jean-Paul Sartre:

"La vie commence de l'autre cote du desespoir."
[life begins on the other side of despair.]

You won't believe what it's like when you get to the other side :) Hang in there, sweetie :) I'm thinking of you!

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Moonflower]

Please, please, please, please, please - ask for help from a profesional.

Your general Dr, or a psychiatrist or psychologist can help you get through your depression - that is what they do!

All the other suggestions people made are great - and as you said, you still are feeling blue.

I and many close to me suffered for years, when if we were just strong enough, or had a little help to be strong enough - we could have seen a Dr and started to get better.

Don't let yourself hit "rock bottom" before you get help, as so many, many do.

It is NOT NORMAL to not eat and sleep for 7 days. it is NOT normal to feel like taking too many tylonal.

Please, ask for help. The way you are feeling is not normal, and it's not you.

[Tiggzie]

I ate about half a cup of rice and three little balls of falafel today. It just made me nauseous and sick. I slept a little last night though. Actually last night I was feeling a little better and then my mom never came to visit me today like she said she would. I start to feel better and then it just *poof* and I'm left feeling worse than before. I can't blame all this on my family as much as I'd like to. But dammit, why can't I just see my mom as much as I'd like to? And sometimes I wish that for once my father would remember my birthday or the fact that I exist. It's not happening this decade...
(If you're curious, there's a whole thread I started somewhere about suing my parents, and the fact I don't have a bed and...blah blah blah. Just telling you though, I censored myself so much in that thread. I tried to make it seem as if there wasn't a huge problem. I don' think I mentioned even half the **** I meant to in that thread...but alas...)