excerpts from the diary of a dog and a cat

[kpickell]

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:

8:00 a. m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a. m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a. m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a. m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a. m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 Noon Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p. m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p. m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p. m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p. m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p. m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 p. m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p. m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait -- it is only a matter of time...

[1vegan]

:D

Great !

[monkeyandbunny]

:lol: Too funny! I always wonder what goes on in that little brain!

Here's an excerpt from Sasha's diary... That is if he had opposable thumbs and fingers that could hold a pen.

Monday:
Hooray! My humans have been home all day with ME! ME! ME! Daddy put up the bird feeder to feed the birdies but really it's for my entertainment. I really like to show those red birds whose boss! OoopS! That's the sound of a Fancy Feast can, gotta run.

Tuesday:
Haven't done much today but sleep in the window. Mom moved the plants so that I may lay comfortably in the window. Oh yes, they have this nifty spikey plant with cool water in the bowl, there are these blue beads in the bottom that make the water taste so much better. Better than that stuff in the kitchen. *yawn*

Wednesday: I wish mom would hurry up from the gym, I know she's trying to be healthy and all but what about me? It's half past 6 and I expect dinner at exactly 5:30. Ohhh goody! Daddy is home he give me lots of food! That means I get a treat too! YES!

Thursday: Mom's alarm keeps waking me up, why doesn't she wake up and feed me? I've pawed at her face to let her know that's it's 6AM and time for MY breakfast. If I go into the bathroom, steal the bath towel she won't be able to shower which means I get fed sooner. Wow! I'm crafty. Off to make Kitty biscuits on Daddy's arm!

[DeeDee2012]

OoopS! That's the sound of a Fancy Feast can, gotta run.

Haha, isn't it great how cats can hear that little sound that the can makes, even over other sounds like the water running?
My cats will all be in the kitchen in seconds after opening a can of fancy feast.. it can bring them out of their hiding spots, even seconds after they decide they are mad at you and don't want to talk to you anymore. Strangely though, the only flavor they will eat is the fish and shrimp. hehe

[kpickell]

haha, monkey.
And yeah, cats and dogs have such great hearing. My dogs could be in the side yard and they hear me click the lock on my sliding glass door they come running cuz they know it's time to come in (and get food).

[monkeyandbunny]

Kpickell and andr00id,

I agree thier hearing is amazing! Sasha even knows the difference between all the cars in our apartment complex. He won't budge for anyone but mine or my husbands car. If he hears Dylan's car he runs to the door and flops around wildly until Dylan gets in the door.

Oh and Fancy Feast? It must be grilled chicken, beef or turkey. He won't touch anything fish flavored. So picky. :)

K pickell- I'm envisioning your dogs stopping whatever they are doing and clamoring for the door. Great mental image! ;)

[mushroom]

Very Good kpickell! Kids loved your story too!

[Cissy]

:D:D LMAO... I think my dogs would agree with that.

[eggplant]

I've read that before. Where is it from?

[punkmommy]

That's too funny! :lol:

[peace]

The cat's diary reminds me of Stewie from Family Guy.

[kpickell]

Excerpts from my own dog's diary.
Monday morning: Oh Boy! My owners grabbing the leash, I get to go for a walk!! Get outside, pull pull pull, woohoo I slipped out of my collar. Hahaha, you can't catch me and it's below zero outside. Woohoo I love the snow. Oooh, cars! Let's chase them! Hahah, my owner is so silly when he's panicking. Dohp, where'd he go? Why isn't he chasing me anymore. Oh well, I'll wonder around in the snow some more. Yeah! .... Hmm, that car looks familiar... Oh, Oh, Oh boy, it's my owner, he came to get me to go for a car ride! Oh boy, I love car rides! Woohoo. Hmm, why are we going back home? Silly owner forgot to take us to the park. I'm not getting out of the car. Oh darn, he's making me get out. Oh boy, we're going inside again. Gimme some food!

[SunnyK]

Love it! :)

[LadyFaile]

yeah what's with the can opener thing? my cat has had canned food maybe a dozen times in all of his 5 years and yet still runs to the kitchen screaming when he hears a can. most of the canned food i've given him has been the little cans with pop-off lids, no opener needed, so i don't get it :think:
he's too smart for his own good sometimes.
and yeah it only took him about 3 days to recognize the new car's sound

[SunnyK]

More doggie diaries:

Oh boy, Mom's home! We hear the car! Woof, woof, woof, let's tell the WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD that Mom's home! Woof! She's in the door, get her! Me first! No, me first! No meeee!! What's in those bags? Cookies for us?!? Whew, that was exhausting. Let's all go out and pee now, and then take a nap. We can vie for the best seat on the sofa.