Stupid Rent-A-Kid

[rabid_child]

There's really no answer to this, I'm just in a really rotten mood and venting.

Fall of 2001 I moved out for what only turned out to be a year, and my parents replaced me with a student from my mom's college (Suzanne) whose housing got messed up. I was not in support of having this stranger live in the house then, but my parents said it didn't matter because I wouldn't be living there, and it would only be for the semester, because she'd get housing in January.

January rolls around and they invited her to stay longer so she did.
That August I moved back in, and so did Suzanne. Again, I told them I was not comfortable with having this person I didn't know living across the hall from me, and sharing my bathroom, and they said that it would be fine and not to worry about it. IMO, at no point was it fine. I was uncomfortable in my own home the entire time she lived here. My mother warned me not to do or say anything to upset her and to be nice to her all the time, and so I had to wait while her bf took hour long showers when I had to get to work, and couldn't mention it to her when my razor disappeared and then reappeared, or when my toothbrush that I had formerly thrown away, ended up back in my toothbrush holder (ew). I stopped talking to my mother all together since whenever I was home, so was Suzanne, hanging out with my mother, and I'm certainly not going to discuss anything remotely personal with this girl I don't know from bunk. Its like one of those kids of your parents friends who you don't want to be friends with but are forced to hang around.

This semester she was abroad, but again despite my insistance that I'm NOT comfortable with the situation, my parents are letting Suzanne move back in this month. I am so angry and aggrivated that the comfort and well being of some RANDOM PERSON takes presidence of that of their own child.

I don't want to sound like some sort of selfish or jealous kid, because its not really a matter of that. If I could afford to move out I would, but I can't, and I can do nothing about this living situation which makes me very uncomfortable. My family just says that its my fault that I haven't made an effort to be her friend, and I'm tellin' you, I'm not NOT nice to this girl, but she is not the type of person I would ever be friends with. But no, she's perfect and has every right to infringe upon my comfort and privacy in my own home.

I am already miserable in anticipation of her return. I'm just going to have to stop coming home as often as possible. At least if I have to feel like a guest it can be in someone else's home.

i guess thats it

[1vegan]

I think I wouldn't like that either. :no:

[Muzicfan]

Sorry you dont feel comfortable in your own home Rabid....

[Pixelle]

I feel bad for you because it always sux to have to live with someone that you're not real keen on, but from what you've said, she doesn't really sound that bad. You're mom must think she's ok too else she wouldn't keep having her back.

Unfortunately for you, you might just have to put up with this situation if you want to carry on living with your parents, because it's their house so they can do what they want. Although, if I was your mom I would be putting a stop to the BF having hour long showers when he probably isn't contributing.....that part doesn't seem fair.

If you want to cheer yourself up the next time she gives you the sh**s about something, just remember the fact that she's having to pay for everything in that house that you're getting for nothing :)

[Thalia]

I think you need to talk to your mom about what is bothering you. Things like using your razor and returning a toothbrush from you into your holder is unsanitary and can spread bloodborne disease. If they are using your razors, they may be using other stuff of yours, and that is stealing.*

If your parents are letting you stay at home and you are a contributing member of the household, you deserve basic respect over these kinds of concerns, like being late to work because of a boyfriend. (What other people does this girl let in the house? Are your parents worried about theft from random people she invites over?) I wouldn't want to have to worry about keeping my bedroom locked all the time in my own house.

Try to prepare a list of concerns that need to be worked out and make an appointment with your parents to talk about them and some possible rules. Try to do this calmly.

It's true that they can do what they want as parents, but there is the issue of respect. Of course if they don't budge, you might want to just save up to move out.

*I know there might not be evidence of this, but I lived with college students for many years and know what gross and inconsiderate things they can do to other people's stuff.

[DirtDiva96]

Have you talked to this girl about using your razor and such? Because like Thalia pointed out, blood can spread God knows what disease she may have.. I guess you may have to carry your personal items back and forth from your room from now on.. :(
I think other than that you're stuck until she does something really heinous that your parents will have to kick her out for. The only thing I would do if my parents weren't listening to me about this situation (and the way my parents are.. they wouldn't, so I know how you must feel!) is to be out of the house as much as possible.
BTW, do you have any veg* issues with this girl? I really hope not!

[rabid_child]

See, I can't say anything to her because my mother will FREAK OUT if I do. My mother adores this girl, and thinks she is perfect. She's not a BAD person, and there is no way of proving she took my razor, except that it vanished while she was away for the weekend, and reappeared when she came back. I just threw it out and bought a new one. She has friends and her bf stay over all the time in her room and my parents don't care. (It is frowned upon when I have boys stay in my room however...) She pays about $200/mo rent. I don't pay rent, but I buy and cook food for the family a few times a week, I run errands for them, help keep the house clean, I pay all my own bills (clothing, veg foods, car loan, car insurance, health insurance, medical bills, dental bills, pet care etc...), and so I'm not really a financial burden on them.
I've never had a screaming argument or anything about the whole thing, I've explained to them that I'm uncomfortable with the situation, and basically they say I'm being silly and that Suzanne is great. There is nothing I can do but grin and bear it, and there's no way I can afford an apartment here. (It would be AT LEAST $800/mo for a studio/1 BR apt... not including utilities, and I only make about $1200/mo, and my car payment is $265, I spend about $40/mo on gas, $50/mo cell phone, which leaves me $50/mo for utilities/food, and I'd die.)

There are no veg*n issues though, she'll eat whatever I cook... along with the rest of my household.

[Kreeli]

Aside from the obvious issues of her taking your things and letting her friends monopolize the bathroom, what is it exactly about this girl that you find so distasteful? If those issues could be resolved, would you feel better about her staying there?

[Thalia]

See, I can't say anything to her because my mother will FREAK OUT if I do.
Well first, maybe talk to the girl herself first. How can you be sure your mother will freak if you say something? You have to try something.
Otherwise, I think you know the answer already...

There is nothing I can do but grin and bear it...

[bethanie]

Well...I do see both sides of this coin. You're in the uncomfortable position of not yet being fully dependent. So it feels as if you're being seriously infringed upon. But the other side is that your parents do own the house, and perhaps they enjoy the extra income of rent from her...or need it. Or perhaps your Mum is experiencing the feeling of empty nest that happened when you went away. I'm now the mother of a six year old, never ever expected to have a child and before her didn't really think I'd like children all that much...but I already on some level understand how difficult it will be for me to let go when it's time to. So this could be your Mom's way of getting past this hard part...not replacing, but keeping people of your age in her life because she misses you living there full time. But again, it is their house. They paid for it (I think) with money they earned from working hard. In the end, it may not be for you to say who lives there.

I think the most you can do is be honest with mom. You know....it bothers me now (as a mom) when I hear daughters say, "But my Mom would freak out." Mainly because I don't want my daughter to ever feel the need to hide something important from me--or be dishonest for the sake of my 'feelings'. Yes, you Mom very well might freak out, but you know, she'll live, get over it and eventually come to respect that you were able to open up to her that way. Perhaps you could start by asking Mom why Suzanne lives there....really? Is it for the money? Companionship? I am a firm believer in asking for and telling the truth in love. And that anything else doesn't really allow us to know each other at all.

As for the housemate. Make a formal request of her that she not borrow or mess with your bathroom items. That can be made quite respectfully and doesn't have to hurt anyone's feelings. Course you shouldn't HAVE to ask that she not use your razor, but apparently you do...sigh.

Good luck.
B