I'm pretty shy...not terribly, i think i'm getting over it but still, it does keep me from talking to certain people i'd like to know better. this may sound dumb, but i dream up all of these great conversations in my head but i never have the guts to start them. Sooo yes, has anyone any advice on overcoming shyness??? :(

I still consider myself a shy person, although I don't think people who don't know me very well perceive me in that way. Until I was in my early 20s (I'm in my 30s now), I was very shy and only had a few friends. I remember when I was maybe about 23 I decided, I'm going to start talking to people! I forced myself to sustain conversations with people who I previously would not have spoken more than two words to (especially guys!). Anyway, it was uncomfortable at first, but then talking to people became more and more natural and now being talkative is just part of my personality. I'm not saying I'll ever be what I would call an extrovert, but a lot of the anxiety I used to have about interacting with people is gone. Part of me will always feel shy, which I think is ok, but the important part is to get over any anxiety you have about social interaction. The only way to do that is to try forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations until they are no longer uncomfortable.

i used to be sooo super duper shy
but id always be put in a position in which i would talk with random people.
after talkin to so many new people at the mall, punk/metal shows/work and more

u eventualy get over it

nothing to lose by talking to new people

ya just need an ice breaker so u dont look lame
:P

Hi SkunkPumpkin,

You are not alone. I would consider myself to be either shy at times, or unwilling or disinterested to project myself. There was a great TV program on the BBC about this, and how they coached very shy people to get involved.

Ultimately the solution is not an easy one. You basically need to step outside your comfort zone and just say hello, and start talking. In the show they would push people to talk to complete strangers on the street, or just walk up to a stranger and give them a compliment (like I just wanted to say you have a great smile). Not an easy thing to do. Ultimate these are all practice exercises to desensitise you to the real deal.

If you're trying to impress a special someone, really you have two options, firstly be you - friendly, interested, wanting to talk. Secondly, work on a more confident version of yourself, think of an interesting subject to talk about, that you know stuff about, and plan a confident escape for when you need it - e.g. "Excuse me, I have to talk to X, see you later" Cue big grin and walk away....

That confident version of you, will soon be you.

Start with people you don't care about meeting and work up to those you do.

Good luck.

ya just need an ice breaker so u dont look lame
:P

Like goofy pick-up lines?

I'm in the same boat as you, skunkpumpkin! I'm wondering if anyone out there knows of any good books about overcoming shyness.

i used to be sooo super duper shy
but id always be put in a position in which i would talk with random people.
after talkin to so many new people at the mall, punk/metal shows/work and more

u eventualy get over it

nothing to lose by talking to new people

ya just need an ice breaker so u dont look lame
:P

You sure weren't shy the other day when you flirted with me. Be still my heart!! It has been 30 years since I have had so gracious an invitation from anyone but my husband.:D

I can be shy depending on my mood
if I am tired I tend to get real shy, or just don't feel like putting the effort into thinking of things to say
when I feel like I have a lot of energy I can be very outgoing
I used to not talk to people because I was afraid I would say something stupid
I don't really feel that way anymore, I think I got to the point in my life where, for the most part, I am not afraid of people judging me
sometimes, like I said, I just don't feel like talking lol
also if people are having a conversation and I don't have anything important to say about it I won't come up with stupid crap just to feel included
I have actually had people say "why are you so quiet" during certain conversations, and I will just say "because I know nothing about_________"
in cases like that I tend to prefer to listen to what other people have to say, and learn something new
being shy to the point where you can't say things you want to can be very hard
i think in most cases it stems from a fear of saying something the other person may think is stupid
you have to get to a point in your life where you don't worry so much about what other people think

Like goofy pick-up lines?



hahah exactly!!!
always does the trick

You sure weren't shy the other day when you flirted with me. Be still my heart!! It has been 30 years since I have had so gracious an invitation from anyone but my husband.:D


hehe glad i could do the trick :juggle: ?

BB, I have to chuckle just a little. After all you are younger than my youngest son.

BB, I have to chuckle just a little. After all you are younger than my youngest son.
ummm :eek:

I'm pretty shy...not terribly, i think i'm getting over it but still, it does keep me from talking to certain people i'd like to know better. this may sound dumb, but i dream up all of these great conversations in my head but i never have the guts to start them. Sooo yes, has anyone any advice on overcoming shyness??? :(

Yeah, I'm very shy too. Doesn't help that I scored a 100% Introvert on the MyersBriggs test. I'm not shy around animals though, only people. ; )->-<

Kell, I don't know. There may be wisdom in your preference of friends.

ummm :eek:
go check the flirting thread, then you will understand. I just had to tease him about it.

100 percent meyers-briggs introvert here...its funny how its all different on the internet.

This is going to sound incredibly ridiculous, but you might want to explore Bach Flower Remedies for this. I've been agonizingly shy my entire life, but after dismissing Bach's as "fairy dust" for many years I decided to give it a go (larch for self-confidence). It's worked wonders and has been noticed by friends and family alike. If you want any more info PM me.

i like your ideas you guys! sounds scary but i think i'll try.

Quizeen---I've heard of the Bach remedies! my mom bought my sister one for anxiety, but i didn't know they had something for self-confidence. I'll look for it at my co-op...thanksya!

thanks all of you!

Larch is for self-confidence and Mimulus is for known fears (shyness falls under this category). It's best to get a book and try to be honest with yourself about why you're shy, then you can pick the righ remedy or remedies for you.

coolcool...I will check it out! thanks

Ah but 100% introvert on the MBTI doesn't mean that you hide in the corner of a room - it means that you direct your energy toward thoughts & ideas (instead of actions & words) and that you 'recharge' by doing independent things (like reading or surfing the 'net).

As for being shy, one of the best things that I've found to create conversation is to ask the other person/people about themselves. how'd they spend <insert recent holiday here>? do they have kids? what do they do for work? where'd they go to school? what'd they study? etc etc... people like talking about themselves so it usually works when you start asking...

... unless of course you happen to meet someone who hates talking about him/her self. :p

just don't be like me. it takes me ages to get over that initial 'hump' of starting conversation with someone... then if I feel like they're opening up I usually end up sticking my foot in my mouth at one point... so... maybe not talking a lot is a good thing. :p

amy

>>Ah but 100% introvert on the MBTI doesn't mean that you hide in the corner of a room - it means that you direct your energy toward thoughts & ideas (instead of actions & words) and that you 'recharge' by doing independent things (like reading or surfing the 'net).
>>

It doesn't mean you necessarily don't hide in the corner of a room either. :)

I can totally relate. I'm shy too...unfortunately it has caused some people to think I'm standoffish because I have trouble meeting new people and don't like to be the first to speak. :/

I used to be shy, then I was in a car accident and hit my head REALLY hard, and it seemed to knock most of my inhibitions right out of my head.

I also found that it was through anger and injustice that my shyness went away. There is only so much I can take before I have to say something to defend myself/party-in-question. and ya, the more you speak to people, the easier it will get over time.

if all else fails, learn to play a musical instrument and meet other musicians. It's a good topic of conversation, and musicians seem to be easy to get to know (ime).