I live with my real mother, Debbie (again, do not refer to her as my "mom") and her bf. I moved in with them 2 years ago, after my marriage ended, losing my job, my apartment, my car, my bank account, all financial independence and had no where else to go in this town other then a woman's shelter or a city park. Oh, and defaulted on my student loans. And I also could not be rented another apartment because a) I had no job and b) I lost my credit.

It took 2 years to find a steady, permanent job that paid a decent wage. I've been living here for 2 years. For two years, despite having nearly no money and surviving off any type of causal or contract work I could find, I paid my rent and bills here. Every month.

But, do I get treated like a tenant? No. Do I get respected for being another human being? No.

Despite my asthma, despite my allergies, they both smoked in the house. The bf had a massive heart attack last year around this time. So now they only smoke in the house half the time. I have a cold or flu or respitatory infection every 4-6 weeks for 2 years.

I've endured her telling all the neighbours, people I don't even know, that I'm her daughter, that she's my "mom", that her bf is my "dad", that I lost my job and they "took me in and took care of me", that I declared bankruptcy.. shall I go on?

I'm a private person in RL. I don't like people butting into my life, nor do I liek people telling the details of my life without my permission. I've tried explaining this. Mom called and explained it. Dad called and explained it. Her daughter called and explained it. And what does that get me? She refers to herself to me, in front of her co-workers, as "mom". I swear it's to piss me off.

Now, since I've gotten this job, she keeps acting overbearing. Telling me what to do with my money. Telling me what clothes I should and shouldn't wear. Making fun of me. Mocking me.

Then, I bring up that I will be trying to move out soon, fyi, and she gets all weird and crap. "Don't move out. Stay and save your money. No wait. You hate us and can't wait to go away." I respond, "I told you this would be temporary. It took longer then I wanted it to, but the time is here." She gets all angry and calls my family members, saying how I hate her and how mean I am. Of course, my family (other then mom and dad) believe her...then call mom and dad and say all these things to them...thereby hurting them a lot (my parents are senior citizens, btw). it is cruel, it is selfish, it is wrong.

I am trying to get enough money together to move out. But, money isn't the main problem. No one will rent to me because of my money troubles. No one. So, I have to get someone to rent an apartment in their name and have me move in and then, after a couple months, annouce that I am "living" with them there. My bf is trying to hammer out the details of his divorce. Last thing he needs is to have an apartment to get bickered over.

Occasionally, there comes a person who I am incapable of speaking to. Debbie is one of them. I swear, it is like talking to the wind. Simple things - pls don't let Sputnik (cat) go outside when it's dark. His night vision is poor and he can't see; even if he is only at the end of the walk. So what does she do? i come home at 11pm and here is sputnik, in the parking lot, crying because he can't find his way home. Doesn't even leave the light on over the door for him. I tell her he can't go out. She says, "he wanted to go out. you weren't here to listen to him cry."

Or she gets mad when my friends call at 10 am on a weekend because she likes to sleep downstairs in teh living room on the sofa and the phone is next to her head. But, when I explain that a) she can go to her bedrom to sleep, where there is no phone, she flips out or b) (my favorite) I explain that she has people calling at 12, 1am on work nights, or when she lights up a cig indoors at 2am and it wakes me up...It's apparently not the same.

ARG! I am so sick of trying. I've tried to be civil, but it isn't working. I don't want to argue with her. I don't want to have anything to do with her. I just want to have somewhere that I can come home to. Instead, I have a tobacco scummed up furniture (most I've given to her since I'll never get the stench out of it - especially considering she SMOKES all over my things), a neighbourhood of people I can't talk to because they piss me off when they ask how "my mom and dad are doing" (I answer - they're enjoying the fall in Newfoundland. I'm hoping to visit them in January) or "how is the money thing, now that you got a job?" Excuse me?!?!? My mother doens't even ask that!!

:dizzy:

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*hugs krista*

:hug: That really stinks, Krista. I wish you lived close to me 'cause I'd be more than willing to rent you my upstairs apartment!

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Krista, why did your divorce leave you in such a manner that you didn't have anything? Have you talked to an attorney about any of this? There are some legal advisors that will consult with you for free, or sometimes the wife gets the legal fees paid for by the husband if (or ex-husband, I should say) it's found that he is sort of at fault or more capable of paying the legal fees. I don't understand why you were left out in the cold like that.

Aww..sorry to hear about your rough spot. If it's any comfort to know that going through this now means an easier time later. It's the way everything balances out. It will get brigter. Just hold on. :)

Krista, why did your divorce leave you in such a manner that you didn't have anything? Have you talked to an attorney about any of this? There are some legal advisors that will consult with you for free, or sometimes the wife gets the legal fees paid for by the husband if (or ex-husband, I should say) it's found that he is sort of at fault or more capable of paying the legal fees. I don't understand why you were left out in the cold like that.


it wasn't the divorce's fault. WE were broke up long before I lost my job. When we broke up, I made as much money as him...so we took what was ours and that was it. It wasn't his fault. If I didn't lose my job, then I wouldn't have ended up in this. Like they say, most people are 1 lay off or 1 major sickness away from bankruptcy.

Thanks for the hugs. It's what I needed.

On Veg Web, Loki agreed to make house calls and explain to hard headed people the issues at hand (in a very loud voice). Loki, you up for that? :D

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Like Flower said, I'd totally let you crash at my place if you lived in California. :(

ugh, what a nightmare. i have said it before, but it really sounds to me like debbie's got some serious mental health issues. i know that doesn't make it easier on you, of course. it just sucks that she's incapable of understanding the consequences of her behaviour.

i would be really upset about places not renting to you! i managed to rent an apartment (granted, it was technically in "the projects") when i first left from under my mom's wing, and i had no references, no credit, and only worked part time. is there some kind of housing shortage where you live?

and i know it's not really any of my business, but why can't you at least temporarily shack up with your bf?

I'm so sorry, Krista. I wish I had some advice or some help for you. :hug:

Thanks everyone. Kreeli, I'm too exhausted right now to respond in length to you, but there is a housing shortage and I can't move in with my bf right now (trying to sell his house) because if I could I would.

My mom (my MOM) may have colon cancer. We're waiting for her to get tests and such. My cat hurt himself and I just blew $361 from my "krista's new apartment" fund. I only had $400 in said fund. No christmas gifts for anyone this year. My charity at work is falling apart and, because I made a finanical committment to take care of this family for Christmas, I may have to foot the remainder of the bill for it. My bf has food poisoning. I'm doing poorly at work. I have 10hrs of work I brought home with me to do this weekend because i was too sick Friday to do it and it all has to be done mondy for clients.

I feel like I'm drowning.

And I have a cold.

Oh, Sweetie, come here and let me give you a Momma Hug.

Oh, Sweetie, come here and let me give you a Momma Hug.

Thanks. I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown now.

Oh, Krista, I wish I could fix it all for you. I know what it feels like to have everything go to hell at once; seems like bad things attract each other.

I don't know if it helps to hear this, but it will get better. Just hang on, and try to be as good to yourself as you can. I know you will find a way to get through this.

One thing you can count on in life: nothing ever stays the same. Not the good times, and not the bad ones either.

(I want to give you a little heart smilie for this post, but they're all smiling really big and it just looks inappropriate!)

Thanks. I know there are good times out there somewhere. I'm really, really needing them right about now.

you know how you need that one place or thing in your life that causes no stress? Where you go and sink into it? I don't have that. I feel stressed out by everything around me.

you know how you need that one place or thing in your life that causes no stress? Where you go and sink into it? I don't have that. I feel stressed out by everything around me.

I know very well. I was in a similar situation last year: living with someone I couldn't stand who made decisions that affected MY life and the safety of my home without consulting me or even pretending to care how it affected me; had just lost my job and was having relationship problems stemming in part from being financially dependent; my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, almost died 5 times, and went to live with my mom who was having her own troubles, so in addition to everything else I had to be my mother's sole emotional support; failed to graduate from college; and the animal shelter I was working at, the one thing that made me feel like a not-completely-worthless person, closed down due to lack of funds.

I'm still recovering - still have no extra money, no insurance, relationship problems, and overall not in a great place mentally - but it has gotten better, and I have faith that it will continue to do so, for both of us. These things really can be survived. I know it's hard to find joy in life right now, but try to find it anywhere you can. Try to find or create something, some space or activity, you can use to relieve stress and just escape for a little while, just long enough to hang on to your sanity.

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I've survived much worse and I keep reminding myself of that. I just really was hoping that me getting this job was the beginning of the good stuff. But, turns out the job has brought it's own baggage along for the ride :(

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Sorry to hear that your having a ****ty time of it Krista...I hope things start to look up for you real soon :)

Can you perhaps ask your real mom if you can stay with her for a while?

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Things will get better. Once your bf's divorce is finalized, it should be easier, I hope.

I'm sort of suffering through a similar thing roommate wise--though my roommate isn't my birth mother. My husband and I want to move out so badly, but until we have the money (which probably won't be until the spring), we're stuck with this guy. He smokes, so my husband won't quit smoking himself (he says he wants to quit, but having another smoker in the house makes it more difficult :rolleyes:). The roommate won't clean up after himself--he expects his girlfriend (which doesn't live here) or me to do it (sorry, I don't even clean up after my husband, I have enough to clean up after when it's just me :furious:).

I work in a commission sales job, selling shoes, and business has been slow, not to mention the company I work for is hiring like crazy. I go to work and can't sell as much as I used to because it's just too crowded with salespeople. :wall: The company has also changed so many policies that I've gotten to the point where all I want to do is leave--in fact on Monday and Tuesday this week I'm going to spend my time looking for a new job. I feel like I'm in prison at that job now (did I mention how bad the customers are? they'd give you nightmares!). My husband is working 60+ hours a week at his job, which is nice on payday, but I don't get to see him very much (let's see because I called in sick on Friday, we got to hang out on Friday night, before that the last time we got any quality time was Saturday).

To top it all off, a month ago, I was in a car accident. It wasn't my fault--I was rear ended--but at the time I wasn't insured (I had just gotten my license here and hubby didn't put me on the insurance :doh: ). The lawyer is dealing with it all, but if for some reason the other insurance company doesn't cover it, I've got a huge bill to pay for--$5k for the car repair, then the emergency room visit, and the chiropractor visits.

With a new job and eventually our own place, I think my outlook will be a lot better, but I actually dread getting out of bed in the morning at this point. Especially when it's a day I have to go to work. I'm just glad at this point that I still have a job, my husband has a job, and we have a roof over our heads.

Sorry to hear that your having a ****ty time of it Krista...I hope things start to look up for you real soon :)

Can you perhaps ask your real mom if you can stay with her for a while?

Mom (I assume that's who you mean) lives about 3000km away :) So, no :nigel: It is a good idea though! If she does have cancer, then I will probably end up moving there for a month or so, either at the beginning of treatment or at the end of her life, if she refuses treatment (which I fully expect of her). Obviously, I really hope she doesn't have cancer. She is ill and we need to find out what is wrong with her. Maybe I should start a thread on that; see if anyone can give me more ideas on what it could be.

I spent the other night reading messages boards over the phone to my mom, telling her what barium tests, etc were like, from people who had them. It seemed to calm her nerves a lot. She said, "I thought all you did on the computer was play games. I didn't know you could find out things like this." (My mom firmly believes that computers are the spawn of Satan himself).

Thanks all for the well wishes. I just want to go bang my head against a wall under I wake up a couple months from now.

It isn't his divorce that's causing the problems. Just the incredible housing shortage, outrageous renting costs...the only reason he has to sell his house is because his ex can't afford an apartment here, so she had to move back into the apartment he was working on that I was going to move into. She makes less money then I do, a lot less, so I was cool with that. She needed help. She's had to do it a couple times now, so it's obvious she can't live on her own. They'll sell the house, give her well then more her share for a downpayment on a condo and then she'll have somewhere to go where the rent won't keep being raised.

For now, I'm stuck here. If it goes well and the house can get sold fast, then great. But winter is here, so I doubt the house will get sold.

Trying to be positive. Trying to be positive.

I hope your mom is ok, Krista, and that if she has cancer she will recover (and quickly). :hug: It's not easy to have to watch a loved one go through that, it's has to be worse when they refuse treatment. :hug:

I hope the house sells quickly, too. It has to be insane for all of you to have to sit and wait for it to happen. Your bf's ex probably wants her own place away from him, your bf wants you to be with him, and you want to be with him and away from your roommates. :hug: