I feel like a dorcus since I don't really know what it is that I am asking for. (support, maybe??) You see, I fell off the vegan wagon for a while, which is why I quit posting, but I am back on again. Thanks to a sad advertisement from PETA, I don't have a desire to eat meat anymore. My problem, though, is my husband :notvegan: . While he is supportive to a certain degree, he is not that good about my way of eating. What's worse, I learned today that my daughter's health is not great and would benefit greatly by eating a vegan diet, too. While I was not happy about her health, I was glad to have new ammunition in support of a vegan lifestyle. I told my husband that she needed to cut out ALL sugar - do you think this hindered his giant consumption of Dr. Pepper??? NOPE I also told him how important it is that she consume lots of fresh green leafy veggies and lots of fruit...do you think this helped him be more agreeable to my cooking veggies - NOPE! I don't know what to do anymore. My health isn't the greatest, which is what helped me switch to a vegan lifestlye in the beginning. When I fell off the wagon, I got sick again. I know first hand the benefits of eating a vegan diet and I want my child to share in the same benefits, too. It was my husband's little remarks and comments on a daily basis that finally wore me down. I don't want to fall again, especially since I now have a second reason for being vegan - the animals. I don't know how to handle this...I guess that's why I started this post. If anyone has any suggestions or just some encouraging words, please....SHARE!! I need all the :help: that I can get.

aarealskei

i totally missed you! i hope that you are doing better soon. And, i'm glad that you're here--for your health, for support, or whatever else you may need! :) i certainly hope that i can help you in some way!

what you're up against is something i get quite often from my in laws. They don't like to think outsid eof the box, and they feel intimidated by something new. When they have to "give something up" for the better of another, they often "revolt" and then do passive agressive thingsn like making comments or comsuming MORE than they did before. for them, it's a control issue. They don't feel like they're in control of me, so they need to control something else--themselves. By doing the opposite, they can put it back on me somehow.

to give you an example, when my SIL had to move home after rehad for alocholism, one of the rules was that all alcohol must leave the house. but m FIL thought it was "totally unfair" that he has to give up his occassional (maybe once a week) beer because of her. Can't she just not drink it? He couldn't understand her health problem, and he wouldn't give up the control. Ultimately, i told him to stop acting like a you know what and be a man.

anyway, later when my MIL went on a special, healthier diet, he said he would too--to help out. I said: donate all the food that is not on the list. ALL OF IT. they didn't donate a thing. She eats OK, but not great. He is on the previous diet--lots of simple carbs, sweets, sugar--junk foods. No support at all.

So, what i see is a similar pattern with your husband. See if you can "make a deal" with him regarding this stuff. He can eat and drink whatever he wants out of the house, but for health reasons, your home needs to be vegetarian. Or, he can be omni and eat what he wants--but you two have to be vegan.

Also, i would tell him how the comments make you feel. and then, explain how the food, etc makes you feel. heck, if you need to, ask him why he does it--what his feelings really are--and then explain yourself. :)

good luck! be well and happy!

[QUOTE=zoebird]aarealskei

i totally missed you! i hope that you are doing better soon. And, i'm glad that you're here--for your health, for support, or whatever else you may need! :) i certainly hope that i can help you in some way!....QUOTE]

Hello, zoebird. I missed you, too. Believe it or not, what you wrote helped me bunches. I think I just needed to know that others who are successful at being vegan/vegetarian also have to deal with uncooperative family members. It's funny, but even my sister, who lives 150 miles away, tries to push her Atkins on me. She thinks I'm nuts for wanting to be vegan. She doesn't think a person can get enough energy without eating meat. I can talk until I'm blue in the face, but nothing changes.

Tonight I tried cooking veggies and made my husband chicken, but fake chicken for myself and my daughter. My daughter tried to eat her "chicken", but she didn't like it. I was proud of her for at least trying it, though. I will have to work on finding things that she will like. I thought about my situation some more today and decided that I need to take things one day at a time. I love my husband, but if he doesn't want to eat healthier, there's nothing that I can do to change that.

Thanks again, zoebird...I really needed to hear from someone. :)

aarealskei!!!!!! OMIGOSH hun, welcome back!

I´m sorry to hear that your loved ones aren´t being very supportive. I´ve been having a blast in the past month and a half because of living with vegetarian host parents, but on Friday I move to another host, an omnivore, because my vegetarian host parents are moving. I´m kinda scared about living with someone who´s never heard much about vegetarianism before, but hopefully that means that she doesn´t have many preconceptions from pseudo veggies. I get to break her in.

As far as your hubby goes, perhaps you could point out ways in which you are supportive of him when you don´t neccessarily agree. (Not in a guilt-trip way, just showing that it is possible.) Maybe he likes Feng Shui, and while you´re not too crazy about the idea, you go along with it because it´s important to him. There are endless ways in which married couples can and should support each other without having to agree.

I think it´s really important that when you talk to him about veganism, you don´t start off the conversation by arguing. If he senses that you´re arguing, all you´ll get is an argument back. I understand the frustration you expressed in your post, and this is a safe place to express it... however, you may have to choose your words more carefully when talking to your hunny about this.

Perhaps your husband would prefer a more gradual change to veganism... not everyone is mentally and psychologically equipped to transition immediately. Perhaps instead of saying ¨You need to stop drinking Dr Pepper¨, you might get a juicer and offer him some fresh fruit juices. He might decide he likes fresh fruit juice more than Dr Pepper, and once he has a suitable replacement for Dr Pepper, you can talk to him about reducing his Dr Pepper intake.

It´s great to have you back! Please do stay around. You´ll get no condemnation from me for having fallen off the wagon. I just think it´s awesome that you´re back on it.

Thanks, skylark, for your encouragement. I like your ideas and I will work at implamenting them. Thank you, too, for not thinking ill of me for slipping backwards. It's hard to pick yourself up when you feel so guilty, but it sure helps to know there's support. I really missed this group!

Girlie, if I thought badly of you for having slipped back, I´d be feeling pretty crappy myself. Sure, I´m sorry that you slipped back and wish you hadn´t, but I see no point in grousing over past failures when there´s a whole big future ahead. I´ve screwed up myself a few times, although not with visible meat.

Maybe jumping back into veganism isn´t best for your family... maybe they´d feel more comfortable eating lacto-ovo, emphasizing the plant foods?

Maybe jumping back into veganism isn´t best for your family... maybe they´d feel more comfortable eating lacto-ovo, emphasizing the plant foods?

I've thought about the lacto-ovo idea, too, but my daughter is allergic to eggs and milk products aggravate her allergies, as well as, my husbands's allergies, too. In fact, my husband can eat a bowl of ice cream and will immediately start coughing. Cheese does similar things to him, too. I wonder if goat's milk and cheese would be better for him? Personally, if he would just let go of all dairy, he'd feel much better!

Ahhh... enforced veganism! I´ve often wished I were allergic to dairy to enable me to go vegan easier.

Maybe you could make some dishes that contain soy cheese, such as a casserole, and slowly they may acquire a taste for it. Granted, soy cheese tends not to have the same melting properties as cow milk cheese, so that may not work.

I'm not good at this but...um......

That your daughter can't or shouldn't eat certain foods does not imply your husband should ban these foods.

What I would suggest is to try the "emotional claim" approach.

Don't say the child can't have sugar, so you can't drink Dr.pepper, but try: "honey, the child can't have sugar would you like to help her cope with that by not drinking Dr.pepper in the house, please?"

The same thing could be used for the meat stuff.

Put the emphasis on the point that he would be helping you and the child by making minor consesions on food.

1vegan, thanks for your comments. It's interesting that yesterday, my husband called me from work and made me guess what he had just finished doing. After tons of silly comments, I finally guessed that he was drinking water instead of Dr. Pepper. He came home last night and told me that he drank his entire jug (a HFS item that holds a full day's amt of water) of water and had decided to try to cut down on Dr. Peppers. I was very proud of him. Looks like this is a step in the right direction for all of us. :)

It's good to see you back!

It's not easy to deal with them not being supportive or your veganism. :hug: Before I got married, I lived with my family. They weren't ever that terrible, but there was the teasing, the constant questioning, and the occasional argument. It wasn't easy, but I managed to stick to it. I know now that if my husband wasn't supportive of me being a vegetarian, I probably would have fallen off the bandwagon, too. Don't feel bad about it though. It's not very productive to worry about something that's already been done. Just get up, dust yourself off, and try again!

I'm glad that he's starting to stop drinking Dr. Pepper! It sounds like it's a very important step.

For everything else, just do things slowly. Replace one or two things your daughter and husband normally eat with something new or similar that's healthier every week.

Ahh, it's nice to hear from you, Tearhsong2. Yes, the Dr. Pepper is a huge issue in my home. Things are getting better. Tonight, I am going to make chili and NOT tell the hubby that I am using Quorn beef instead of real hamburger or stew meat. My daughter and I tried the quorn hot dogs and we both love them. In fact, she came to me yesterday and asked if we could have those for lunch. She has gotten better about not asking for a Dr. Pepper to drink, too. I am letting her have herbal teas with stevia and that seems to be working well. We still battle over drinking water, but I'm all for little steps. My hubby complains about his health not being well, but I have been gently reminding him that a diet change would be a good place to start. He usually doesn't comment, but maybe he's listening to more than I what I realize. Anyway, thank you and everyone else for the support. This new way of life is important to me and I thank God for a great group like all of you.

:vebo: Yay aarealskei!