till now. my ex and i have been apart for a few months now and he is not even in this city anymore. well recently he has been unfair to me in many ways. i told him via email (wimpy i know) that i didnt want to communicate for a while due to these facts. email was easier to gather my thoughts without getting nervous and risk not saying what needs to be said. well he left a message saying i owed him a phone call so i sort of felt bad. I called him and we talked for a while and i listened to what a crappy girlfriend i was when we had gone out and that justified why it was okay to be treated the way i was and am being treated. in all honesty i wasnt that great of a girlfriend b/c i am a very busy person and value time with my friends so i wouldnt give him all of my spare time...but i dont think that is an excuse to be so mean to someone. well i told him this is pointless and to take care of himself. wow! i am 25 and out of all of the serious relationships i've had i have never had a bad ending and the one that almost was turned into a pretty good friendship. aside from that one and the one who is my best friend, the two others, altho i know it's unusual, i just stayed friends with or get together every few months to catch up. this is very wierd to me and it will be hard not maintaining contact with this guy but at the same time he is so opposite the person that i thought he was for over a year so i know it is best. gosh, usually i am such a good judge of character and to be that close to someone and not able to see the horrible person he really is, really surprises me. this is so strange. im sure some of you have had bad endings where ties were severed. what happened for such drastic measures to occur and is it hard to do at first??? :cry:

also to top it off i have one more dilemma. completely unrelated. i have a good guy friend who informed me yesterday that he wants more than a friendship. in othercases like this they worked themselves out by them not talking for a little while (which i understood) if i didnt want more or it just turned in to more b/c i dug them too :) but this guy is not my type-romantically- but i love his friendship. well he said that he's still willing to be my friend w/out feeling wierd and i know i wont feel wierd. would it be unfair to him to still hang out with out a rest? i am going by what he wants and he still wants to, but others have said that would be selfish on my end. gosh it's not like he's in love, its just an interest/attraction that will fade and he even sort of laughed it off so dont really see it as being selfish???? gosh my life has so much drama this week. wierd. then to top it off i had to give up a girlfriend i've been friends with for 2 years b/c she is an angry drunk which is bad enough in itself then she is always drinking around me and getting angry and finally she insulted my friends which was the last straw.

sorry for the looong post but thx for letting me vent. i really needed a third party who doesnt know me to communicate to :)

i can so relate to your situation.

I was with a guy for four years. I moved hemispheres to live in the city he was studying in. He was doing a phd. I did various jobs (often really horrid ones) but finally found a job that i loved. I was the breadwinner while he concentrated on his studies. After four years of studying, he was about to have his phd Viva (i.e. the final 'test' to pass his phd). Two days before, he broke up with me. And he didnt want to tell anyone. I was in so much shock i didnt tell anyone either for a few days. He passed his phd and ran back home to mummy and daddy. I couldnt believe that he would use me like that. I thought i knew him. I had even taken him back to meet my family back in australia the month before. (they arent that bad, honest).

Anyway, he never even gave me a proper explanation. Never really apologised. I first felt that he had deserted / stranded me, but soon realised that actually i was now free.
I can tell you though, i aint ever paying for someone else's phd again.
:junk:

"I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy" - Fiona Apple

Sorry about your bad endings, both of you. I wish I could have an ending to my relationship, whether it's a good one or bad; it'd be better than hanging here without a clue.

also to top it off i have one more dilemma. completely unrelated. i have a good guy friend who informed me yesterday that he wants more than a friendship. in othercases like this they worked themselves out by them not talking for a little while (which i understood) if i didnt want more or it just turned in to more b/c i dug them too :) but this guy is not my type-romantically- but i love his friendship. well he said that he's still willing to be my friend w/out feeling wierd and i know i wont feel wierd. would it be unfair to him to still hang out with out a rest? i am going by what he wants and he still wants to, but others have said that would be selfish on my end. gosh it's not like he's in love, its just an interest/attraction that will fade and he even sort of laughed it off so dont really see it as being selfish????

I'd be careful with this. I don't know if it's unfair, or selfish, I'd say no it's not. But since he expressed interest in you... I don't know if being close to you would make his interest fade. If anything, it could increase. He may be saying that there won't be weird feelings, he may even really want to just be your friend and "forget" his interest. But I'm not sure he will be able to. Realistically, I don't think I could do it, so I'd just slowly go crazy and weird out in the end. To an extent, we are just slaves of our emotions.

I'm not saying you should break off communication with him, but be careful and watch out for first signs of weirdness.

Then again who am I to say? Maybe I completely misunderstand the situation you describe. What am I doing in the relationship forum anyway??

Ah yes I remember now....
gosh my life has so much drama this week. wierd.

Welcome to the club. :hug:

Anyway just blabbering, hope you are doing better :)

Sometimes things just end with an SO and it's no one's fault if a friendship can't be maintained. In my own experience, I've never maintained friendships for any longer than about 1 or 2 months post break-up with any boyfriend I've ever had (I'm 31). Heck, I had a son when I was 17 (I gave him up for adoption), and I haven't seen or heard from his father since I was about 19.

I know everyone's different, and some people make it a point to maintain some sort of a relationship with everyone they've dated, but you really shouldn't beat yourself up about it if you don't. That's what dating is for, you meet someone and give them a try (and they you), sometimes things work, sometimes they don't. It is rarely ever entirely the fault of one person if the relationship doesn't work out. Just try to focus on the relief of having the bad bits gone. It'll get better soon, really :).

As far as your friend. If he's cool, then you should try to be cool. The more able you are to handle the situation well, the more able he'll be to do the same. I think, as the more vulnerable party in this situation, he will need you to set the social cues for a while. If you go right back to laid-back friend mode, it'll be a relief to him that he didn't completely blow things.

Having a relationship (romantic or friendship) end badly is a bummer. You're fortunate it's only happened one time. Guess you could value it as a learning experience, but it still sucks.

Gambatte!!
(chin up) :)

thx guys. i guess it is just one and i should think positively about it. sorry about your experiences too. those sound awful as well.



Ah yes I remember now....


Welcome to the club. :hug:

Anyway just blabbering, hope you are doing better :)

aww. thx :) yea i will be better in no time. just takes getting used to i s'pose. good point too, i will be cautious.

till now. my ex and i have been apart for a few months now and he is not even in this city anymore....gosh, usually i am such a good judge of character and to be that close to someone and not able to see the horrible person he really is, really surprises me. this is so strange. im sure some of you have had bad endings where ties were severed. what happened for such drastic measures to occur and is it hard to do at first???

I told you to not see him after the first date you had, why didnt you listen? you know im always right about this stuff.:p you are a good girlfriend, he was just a bad boyfriend, way to demanding on your time.

also to top it off i have one more dilemma. completely unrelated. i have a good guy friend who informed me yesterday that he wants more than a friendship. in othercases like this they worked themselves out by them not talking for a little while (which i understood) if i didnt want more or it just turned in to more b/c i dug them too :) but this guy is not my type-romantically- but i love his friendship. well he said that he's still willing to be my friend w/out feeling wierd and i know i wont feel wierd. would it be unfair to him to still hang out with out a rest? i am going by what he wants and he still wants to, but others have said that would be selfish on my end. gosh it's not like he's in love, its just an interest/attraction that will fade and he even sort of laughed it off so dont really see it as being selfish???? gosh my life has so much drama this week. wierd. then to top it off i had to give up a girlfriend i've been friends with for 2 years b/c she is an angry drunk which is bad enough in itself then she is always drinking around me and getting angry and finally she insulted my friends which was the last straw.


im thinking this is moscow right? hes such a cutie. i knew this would happen. but i would say keep it as a friendship and no worries on being selfish and the weird feeling is easily ignored if they keep their pants on. :hump:

sorry for the looong post but thx for letting me vent. i really needed a third party who doesnt know me to communicate to :)

oops :p

majake!! you are not supposed to read my posts :p j/k. anyway NO it's not moscow thank goodness, i would never want anything to put the good friendship we have at stake. no it's that guy i met through tammy and mike. and thx for the compliments :) and yeah yeah now i know i shouldve listened to your advice :(