Greetings, all - I'm new to the forums but am here to investigate how others approach the dating scene. I'm a 32-year old male vegan; I've been a veg for about 8 years and a vegan for about four. I believe very strongly in the vegan way, but I don't condemn those who aren't. I like to think that someone who learns the issues will agree that the current system of animal use, so unfortunately prevalent in the U.S., is horribly flawed, but I'm also a realist who acknowledges that changing one's life in such a drastic way isn't a step too many people will take even if they know they should make changes. I have plenty of friends who are not veg, and while I wish they adopted a veg lifestyle, I don't try to pressure them to and respect their rights to eat, choose clothing, etc. as they choose.

Ok, all that said, I have a very difficult time dating someone who eats meat, and I'm trying to decide whether that's close-minded. The problem: met a great woman a couple of months ago - hit it off personality-wise better than I've ever hit it off with *anyone* before. I've dated women before whom I liked, but something inevitably was always missing. With the new person, we could go for a 4-hour walk along the river, have fun conversation the whole way, and then get home and talk on the phone for another two hours with no shortage of stuff to yap about. (I'm not sure I've ever had interaction with even a friend be so easy.) The only "problem": she eats meat and probably won't be changing that. She has been very respectful of my choices and has even gone to a veg restaurant with me and cooked veg for me.

I had told her from the start that I typically fared better dating vegetarians and was hesitant to commit. She understood, but we progressed and started getting physical. Well, as great as things were, it bothered me knowing that she was unlikely to ever become veg (she noted it was *possible* but unlikely, and I would never ask anyone to change for me). I was falling for her very hard, but the conflict between knowing my heart was in many ways sold, but my head was finding it tough to move forward with so much future doubt was too much, and I called things off. She was badly hurt, and I felt the pain as well. We've talked since, and "the door is still open", but I'm trying to make sense of the big picture here.

Is it right to think I need to find a fellow veg (personally, even though I'm vegan, I could be fine with a vegetarian) as a long-term partner, or should I be happy to just find a wonderful person and accept differences in diet/philosophy? My reasons for taking the find-a-veg approach are not based on hating someone who eats meat. It's true that I simply feel uncomfortable if my partner eats meat, but I also think it's an issue of looking for support. Let's face it - it's gotten so much easier to have a veg lifestyle, but it's still a challenge in many ways. When I go to wedding, and the veg meal is a lame plate of steamed vegetables or go to a party where everyone else is eating barbequed beef, I want someone to share the disapointment and sadly realize that the veg lifestyle still has a long way to go. There are many times when it's tough to be a veg or vegan, and it sure would be nice to have another one by my side. And I reiterate that I know better than to try to aggressively convert a non-veg; maybe my actions and choices will inspire change, but I can't force the issue. It's a question of whether I should be more open to dating non-veg women in the first place at all.

My question is whether I'm nuts to throw away what could be the love of my life (you might say that I couldn't possibly know that someone was a possible soulmate after 2 months, but I've dated enough over the years to know that this is a connection that doesn't come along often at all if ever) over this issue. How do others approach the dating scene? Is it enough to have someone who says she could probably give up a lot of meat but probably couldn't give it all up, or would that probably disappoint me if she got that close but occasionally needed a hamburger? Have any of you dated (or maybe you're even still with) people who eat meat, and you won't allow it to be a problem? Or maybe you've dated a non-veg, and seeing that person eat meat bothers you? Any thoughts would be appreciated, and if you think I'm a moron, don't hold back. :)

Thanks for reading this long-winded post.

Check out this thread for some discussion.
http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=6314

As far as I'm concerned, it comes down to whether you can accept a meat-eating mate. If you are veg*n for ethical reasons, will you view a meat-eating mate as less ethical or almost immoral? If so, then I think you should stick to dating veg*ns only. If not, then why not date an omni? As long as the relationship is built on mutual respect and communication, you shouldn't have any major problems.

My bf eats meat, but he is extremely supportive of my veg*nism, so I don't let the fact that he's eating a gyro or a burger become an issue. We connect in so many other ways that I can't imagine making a federal case out of dinner.

You mentioned wanting someone to share the disappointment with being served a lame veggie meal at weddings or other events. I think any non-veggie who cares about you will understand your frustration and disappointment. My bf is more vigilant than I am about making sure I have enough to eat at family gatherings and such.

I agree with muppetcow it can work. My boyf is a meat eater, he understands and believes in me and has never once tried to trick me, force me or even prepared food in a way he knows I would'nt approve of. At parties he also goes out of the way to make sure I get fed - at barbeques I get fed first so I dont have a fat covered grill. (Its kinda amusing if Im the host tucking in before the guests)

Go for it, if it doesnt work at least you'll have regrets for the right reasons and not because you never tried.

Good luck

It's an abomination! It's not enough they get all of our meat, they also have to get all of our women! Pfft. :rolleyes:

Well, duh, Michael! Everyone knows that veg*n men are weak little babies! ;)

Yeah, but do they taste better? :naughty:

You know in this crazy world, it's amazing when you finally find someone to connect with,leaving that person just because of what they eat or don't eat i say is wrong.
EVERY couple has their own problems and this could be yours.
Remember we all are just two INDIVIDUALS trying to carve out a life TOGETHER.
She must also accept that you are vegan, so too you must accept she's not.
It would be a shame to let this go especially as you've stated you get along SO well and you yourslef see the potential in this relationship.
Like i said earlier every couple has their hurdles ,sometimes they break us up and sometimes they just make us realize that good relationships are based on give and take...on an ongoing basis...

good luck with your decision.

My fiance is an omni. He mostly eats vegetarian, though. Sometimes it bothers me. Other times I just think how lucky I am that I have someone so supportive (I went veg after we'd been together 5 years). I guess the question you need to ask yourself is this: what is more important to you? Will you regret on your death bed giving her up? If yes, then try to find a way around your discomfort...I thought I'd never become veg*n...

my husband is an omnivore, though he does eat a lot of vegetarian meals. His meat eating doesn't make me comfortable, i'm against it, i dislike it, i think that he's wrong when he says he "needs" meat to survive and do his weight training, but i still respect his choices and his decisions for his own body, and the whole thing doesn't really cause a problem in our relationship.

i think i wrote at length in the other linked thread. :)

http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=10783

Here's another thread about a similiar subject. I posted at length here...


I'm married to an omnivore who loves my cooking and is tolerant of my dietary choices. We have agreed not to convert each other. Also, before we were married we talked about how we would handle food in our house. I agreed that I would allow meat in the house if and only if he would prepare and cook it. I am comfortable with my choice. I realize fellow veg*ns would not be comfortable with it. To each his/her own.

No, I don't think you are selfish, I think you are being honest with yourself. Your dietary preferences are an important part of who you are. I feel that if having a veg*n mate is important to you, then you should seek out someone who is also veg*n.

As everyone else says i think its what you feel comfortable with.

After two unsucessful relationships with omni since i've been vegan i'm determined to find a veggie male.

I told the last person i dated before i dated him that i was a vegan and basically gave him a run down of the huge impact it has on my life. I talk about food, and veganism alot. Not to mention animal rights. I also told him that since he was talking about seeing me long term that the children would have to be vegan, and a meat free household. I should probably explain he was already a close friend and knew alot of this anyone but i wanted to be sure he knew what it meant to me before we started dating. I also explained to him that it(my veganism) had caused a big hole in a previous relationship. He was a little surprised to hear mention of vegan children. But he said to me you want me to go veg i'll go veg (for the record i wasn't asking that). So i agreed to start dating him to give it a try. But he didn't go veg, he spoke about it but no made effort, and i never questioned. However it did bug me. While he was quite empathetic and knowledgable about the arguments and while he mostly ate veggie food in front of me there were times when he ate meat in front of me. And it was a big turn off, so of course i refused to kiss him straight after, he was insulted. Other little things like that. Eating out can be a issue and while he never complained to me at the time he later admitted he found it way too inconvenient.

My point is not only do i have a trouble dating omni's but they seemed to have a problem with my veganism.

Having said that we were all(well most of us) omnis at one point and she might change. In fact from what i've seen alot of women convert to vegetarianism for their male partners. Sadly i don't see alot of males converting for their women.

Also it might help you a little by knowing there are a lot more vegetarian women out there than what there are male.

I think you should sit her down and explain. I mean really explain every thing about veganism. What impact it would have your relationship. Basically everything you explain in your post. See what she says, if shes willing to at least learn more about vegetarianism then thats good. If not well then maybe shes not the gal for you.

Your the one who has to live with the decision either way.

You mentioned wanting someone to share the disappointment with being served a lame veggie meal at weddings or other events. I think any non-veggie who cares about you will understand your frustration and disappointment. My bf is more vigilant than I am about making sure I have enough to eat at family gatherings and such.


I've had too boyfriends who didn't. I mean they didn't want me to starve but they wern't very empathetic about me not getting a tasty meal. Its not that they didn't care.

Actually i have a quote from a ex:

"If my girlfriend chooses to lead a lifestyle which is a minority lifestyle, then dealing with the pressures that ensures should not become an issue for the relationship. It should be something that is accepted and referred to but not perenially being a focus for discussion."

This is the one i warned about my vegetarianism.

Now i don't speak about it very second of the day. But i talk about it a fair amount. I talk about food alot. I'm a complete foodie. Also things happens, i go out for family dinners and my grandmothers spends the whole night complaining about my veganism, i find toffuti cheese in the supermaket in australia, something is said about nutrition and i can quote vitamin daily requirements like anything. I get upset by the latest animal right focus etc.

I think its hard for them to empathaise when they don't understand.

To me, it's the same as any personal philosophy. Could you be with someone with different political views as you? Different religion?

I mean... It's trite, but opposites attract. Talking about your ethics can be a great way to get close to one another. It would be kind of boring to date someone exactly like you, yea?

I've had too boyfriends who didn't. I mean they didn't want me to starve but they wern't very empathetic about me not getting a tasty meal. Its not that they didn't care.

Actually i have a quote from a ex:

"If my girlfriend chooses to lead a lifestyle which is a minority lifestyle, then dealing with the pressures that ensures should not become an issue for the relationship. It should be something that is accepted and referred to but not perenially being a focus for discussion."


That's too bad, Blue. I think it's awful that someone who supposedly wanted to date YOU took issue with something that is a big part of what makes you who you are.

Guess I'm lucky that I got one of the good ones. If we eat at a family member's house, he calls ahead and gets the menu, then calls me to make sure the menu is acceptable and that I'll have plenty to eat and then offers to go to the Wild Oats deli and pick up something for me if I don't think I'll have a good meal.

I agree with Charity--dating a non-veg is the same as dating someone who isn't the same religion. You have to ask yourself if that difference is enough to not date that person. For instance, I would have no problem dating someone of another faith, but there are many who wouldn't even consider it.

ive stated before that if I only dated veg*ns... I would um never have a date....I officially know.. no real vegetarians/vegans in my area..North Dakota is sooo much meat country....

This is very poigniant...I can tell that you seem to care about this person a lot, so if it were me, I wouldn't let something like that keep me from being with them...
In fact, I would give up meat for good, if I loved a vegan or veggie, my significant other would always mean more to me than anything else in my opinion...
Of course to me compromise is essential in any successful partnership...
I guess you've got to weigh the pros and cons, and decide if there are more good reasons for you both to stick together, or not...
Sit them down and be straightforward and see what they say...
Also, does the fact that they eat meat make you sick? If it does that is going to be very hard for you to live with that...
Are they not open and understanding and tolerant of you?
I would ask myself how understanding and caring and loving they are, and let that be a very big consideration...
Also, is this the only big obstacle in your relationship? Are they willing to try to adopt your lifestyle?
Sorry if I am missing a lot of your post...But I say that in loving you they must appreciate you for you, and respect your ethics, this is a big part of YOU...
Of course it goes both ways...
I personally think if this person is the love of your life, and you talk so well, and get along so wonderfully, and have a loving rapport, then you should really try, to make it work...
It's better to have love, even if it doesn't work out, but you may regret never giving them the chance...
I wish you the best, I know where there is a will there is a way, don't let true love get away, after all it's so rare...
Good luck!

I was an omni once. Now I am vegan.
I am the same person that I was before in all ways except this one.

My husband was an omni for 2 years after I went veg. I tried not to bug him about it, but it WAS sad for him not to share one of the biggest parts of my life.
He has now joined me in veganism - something I thought would NEVER happen.

Life and people can change in the most amazing ways -
I wouldn't let someone's eating habits get in between us if the relationship was really working in all the other ways.

I suppose we would need to have a long talk and come to solid terms about what we expect from one another in that area of difference.

Why don't you talk to her at great length about all your feelings before making your mind up??

Best of luck to you!

Just wanted to thank everyone for the links to excellent past discussions and for the thoughtful new ones. There appear to be two very distinct camps on this issue - those who just see it as another of the many inevitable differences between two people and those who see it as a real "deal-breaker" and just can't get around it. I'd like to be more in the first camp (and at least give her the shot to see if maybe she can naturally gravitate toward the veg side without pressure), but it's hard to bust out of the second camp (and know that it may always bother me if she continues to eat meat even if I think I accept it).

Regardless, even if I'm still really torn, you've all given me a LOT to consider, and it is much appreciated.

Let me just say that I think a lot of people feel they can't approach vegan/veggie ism alone, because they feel confused, and just need a bit of guidance...Since you are experienced and have followed your diet awhile, you could be the perfect one to help her with the cooking, help her make sure she gets the proper nutrients and such, and perhaps she will feel it a very natural and easy thing to gravitate toward your lifestyle knowing that you are so much healthier and happier for it...I know if it were me, and I had someone to share my meals with, and someone to understand my needs, and someone to help me and give me morale support, it would be so much easier to do...
Good luck with your decision, and do let us know how it works out...:)

I have been dealing with the same issue, and posted a thread similar to yours.
I believe my relationship with said person is ended, and much of the negativity that fueled the ending was brought on by our different eating habits and discussions about the future (I am a life-long vegetarian, he is an omni). A lot of the people in these boards mention that their mate eventually changed some or completely over time, with no pressure. And I know several friends who always swore they couldn't live without meat, and then suddenly made the change and insist they won't go back. But I guess you have to go into it with absolutely no expectations that they will change (even if you habor faint hope). A lot of people have told me that if I loved somebody enough, that would overcome the differences. But others said that to make a relationship work, there has to be more than just love, unfortunately--you both have to want the same things out of life. I swing back and forth between those two theories, because I know there is truth in both of them. I guess you just have to decide whether you can really (REALLY) be okay with them just as they are now. Sometimes a whole lot of thinking over a long period of time can allow you to make that compromise and truly believe in it. I am doing all of that thinking now, and while it may be too late for my relationship, it really does teach you to give a little where you thought you couldn't before. Much luck to you.

If my boyfriend/spouse were to be as supportive and understanding as my new host señora is, then it absolutely would not be an issue. My ex refused to try to understand my vegetarianism--to him, it was just ¨weird¨. (It was one of the reasons we broke up. He refused to try to understand anything that was different than him.)

It really does depend on the people.

I decided that I could not be in a relationship with somebody who had significantly different core values. With my personality and tendancy to be very stuborn about these things I don't think anything else would work.

Fortunately for me I am engaged to a wonderful vegan woman and couldn't be happier about it.

To me vegetarianism is much more than "eating habits", is not the same as differences in how we worship or who we worship. It is literally about life and death and cruelty and torture. I believe there are very good people who eat and enjoy meat. But I also believe that once they are presented with the facts of how meat gets to their plate, they either care or they don't. I would have an extremely difficult time sharing every intimate detail of my life with someone who chosed to contribute to the horrible suffering and death of animals. How much difference is there between the morals of a person who chooses to eat meat and one who chooses to wear fur?

Whoops - excuse my poor spelling and grammar on this post - it is early here (at least that is my excuse). :eek: