I am getting so sick of hearing this....(Friend who won't take responsibility)

[Alicia Avocado]

I'm a firm believer that life is about choices. We can make good choices, and bad choices, and with the gift of being able to chose, we also choose the consequences (negative or positive.)

I have a friend who had a kid when she was 14. She had no mental or intellectual disabilities, she had sex education in school and I know birth control (and also abortion) was available.

I feel sympathy for her in terms of making a bad choice, and I don't think any less of her at all for it, however, there is one thing that really irks me...

"Why has life been so unfair to me! you are so lucky to have a good job and everything."

Ok....so when I was sleeping around as a teen I chose to use condoms. As an adult when I got pregnant I chose an abortion and accepted that is was my mistake. When I was in high school I chose to study hard, when I got out I chose to go to post secondary, then I chose to go and work really hard, and I chose to focus on career etc. over partying with friends etc. I worked my ASS off....while she was floating around the province going to medieval
fares, getting high, and hanging out with a guy who already had two wives. (She thankfully left the kid to her ex bf).

But yet...after politely pointing out to her that she has to take responsiblity for her choices, and that even I have made poor choices, but I accept them and move forward...she's still of the mindset that I am "lucky."

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To add to this irritation, the single mother next door (has one kid, and a set of twins by different one night stands) was spilling her guts out to some stranger by my window....same thing...to summarize..."it's not my fault....poor me....life is so hard....."

To me, that is an insult to those who have kids, and stand proud and tall as a single parent and say: "I didn't use birth control and knew there was a chance, I got pregnant, but I love my kid, and I'm doing the best I can." I know some people like this, and I totally respect them and would do anything to help them. But as for the 'It's not my fault" club.....unless you were raped, turkey bastered in your sleep, or had birth control fail...then I'm sorry, I'm not pitying you. I wish you and your kids all the best, and have sympathy for your struggles...but take responsibility for your actions and stand proud....

*Rant over*

[Kellye]

All I can say is that I agree with you. I know somebody just like this, and she drives me up the friggin' wall. It's gotten to the point that I won't even willingly be around her anymore because she pisses me off so bad.

Um, I'm not lucky. I just work my *** off. So hats off to others who do the same. Everybody has choices in life...

[VeganTigress]

I personally am now going to check my closet for someone in there with a turkey baster awaiting my sleep...LOL!

[AddieB]

My fiancee's brother is like this. My fiancee is almost done medical school. He works like crazy, studies incredibly hard and has very little free time. But he takes pride in his work and knows that it will pay off. His sister works her butt off and just graduated nursing school. Their brother, on the other hand, just complains about how they have good jobs and he's "unlucky", etc. This is person who in high school decided to join the Navy and then proceeded to come as close to failing every class he had (but still get good enough grades to pass) cause he thought it was funny and didn't matter cause he was joining the Navy. He also spent his entire time in the Navy getting in trouble rather than learning to be an electrician so now that he's out he keeps getting crappy jobs cause 1) he doesn't know as much as he shoud 2) he's lazy and alway slacking off on the job. But it doesn't fail, he complains to my fiancee all the time about his "luck" and actually makes him feel bad.

It's a very frustrating mind-set to deal with. I know what you're going through.

[Alicia Avocado]

It's gotten to the point that I won't even willingly be around her anymore because she pisses me off so bad.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one, and yeah, our hanging out is non-existant these days.


I personally am now going to check my closet for someone in there with a turkey baster awaiting my sleep...LOL!

LMAO...I hope I don't start a new crime wave


He also spent his entire time in the Navy getting in trouble rather than learning to be an electrician so now that he's out he keeps getting crappy jobs cause 1) he doesn't know as much as he shoud 2) he's lazy and alway slacking off on the job. But it doesn't fail, he complains to my fiancee all the time about his "luck" and actually makes him feel bad.

Your fiancee shouldn't feel bad, because you're brother in law is being rediculous. The next time he brings it up, just ask "and why do you think you are where you are?" and really get him to dig deep.

[xrodolfox]

I can appreciate you rant, even if I don't share it.

I am annoyed at how people eschew responsibility to "luck". However, I'm more annoyed at institutions that eschew responsibility.

Back on topic: we have two kids. Two failures of birth control. And the first one was in a country where abortions were illegal and unsafe (due to illegality). It isn't that easy being a surprise parent. But I don't believe in luck. Our lot is less than some of friends, but we make the most of what we've got, and hopefully we can fight to change the situations so that institutions also take responsibility along with us.
Luck has nothing to do with it.

I think that complaining has it's place, but blaming "luck" is one more fetter to getting better.

[s0ad]

I agree. :P I mean I think certain things are luck... I win at certain games in which I have no idea how to play.. I consider that luck. ;P

But when friends say my A in a class was luck, as opposed to their C... I get a little annoyed. Its obviously not luck. :P

[xrodolfox]

The thing about "luck" is that it assumes a pattern to the random or the chance. Human brains are designed to see patterns. That's what an IQ test is about, that's an adaptation that's allowed us to thrive. Seeing patterns allowed humans to invent agriculture, to see who is lying in a group, and to understand physics. It is VERY important.

However, we also see patterns in the random. In a psychology test I remember reading about, a researcher showed a jar of marbles to people. This jar had 500 white marbles, and 500 black marbles in it. These marbles were all mixed up randomly.

However, people saw distinctive patterns every time. Clear artistic patterns, almost human made designs.

This is how luck works. Random stuff happens. From our individual perspective, we think that something magical happened, or attribute personality to chance. We experience luck happening. The narrative is about luck, and the pattern we see, rather than chance.

So while you might experience luck, it isn't any more real than the elephant in the clouds the other day, or the fact that the TV infomercials speak to me directly. Luck is real in our heads, but that doesn't mean that it is real everywhere else.

[Tori~CL]

I have a friend who had a kid when she was 14. She had no mental or intellectual disabilities, she had sex education in school and I know birth control (and also abortion) was available.

I feel sympathy for her in terms of making a bad choice, and I don't think any less of her at all for it, however, there is one thing that really irks me...

"Why has life been so unfair to me! you are so lucky to have a good job and everything."

Ok....so when I was sleeping around as a teen I chose to use condoms. As an adult when I got pregnant I chose an abortion and accepted that is was my mistake.

Are you suggesting that abortion goes hand in hand with a good job, and if one does not choose that route=less than? I respect people more that deals with the real world, than cops an easy way out, then says some lame excuse of "this is how I corrected my mistake" verses "this is how I learned and I accepted the responsibility" and moving on to the next goal.

[Mufflon]

I think when it comes to most things in life there is always some "luck" involved. Some people are really annoying when complaining about their "bad luck with the job" (I have a sister like this) and I tend to tell her that I was working hard to get my degree but I can't deny that there was some "luck" involved, e. g. I'm lucky to be a rather quick learner. I know fellow students hit the books harder than I did, yet I had the same or better grades. I'd consider that "being lucky".

[dormouse]

There are definitely people who don't look within themselves to find why they might have problems, in many area. "Women don't want to date me because women are stupid." rather than "Women don't want to date me because I pick my nose at dinner." Always critique yourself in life, take responsibility for your own choices, and accept that you do have some degree of power over what happens to you.

[Alicia Avocado]

Are you suggesting that abortion goes hand in hand with a good job, and if one does not choose that route=less than? I respect people more that deals with the real world, than cops an easy way out, then says some lame excuse of "this is how I corrected my mistake" verses "this is how I learned and I accepted the responsibility" and moving on to the next goal.

I'm not suggesting that, but what is happening however is you are taking your views on abortion and applying it to me. Example:

I have no issues with abortion, so I had one.

Someone else has issues with it, so they see the only other option is adoption.

Either way is to be respected, because it is what the 'experts' on their own lives feel was right for them.

It's an individual thing, but either way the person is accepting they are not ready to be a parent in their own way.

[Alicia Avocado]

I think when it comes to most things in life there is always some "luck" involved. Some people are really annoying when complaining about their "bad luck with the job" (I have a sister like this) and I tend to tell her that I was working hard to get my degree but I can't deny that there was some "luck" involved, e. g. I'm lucky to be a rather quick learner. I know fellow students hit the books harder than I did, yet I had the same or better grades. I'd consider that "being lucky".

Good point, another thing to consider is that everyone is born with a fault. Some people have a leg shorter than the other, making running difficult, and others may have a lower IQ, but the important thing is, that we do the best we can with what we have :)

[AddieB]

Your fiancee shouldn't feel bad, because you're brother in law is being rediculous. The next time he brings it up, just ask "and why do you think you are where you are?" and really get him to dig deep.

I had to say something like that to him a few times before he stopped feeling bad for his brother. But he's finally getting that there is a huge effort on his side, not "luck" and no effort on his brother's side, not "bad luck". :)

[Tori~CL]

I'm not suggesting that, but what is happening however is you are taking your views on abortion and applying it to me. Example:

I have no issues with abortion, so I had one.


Maybe so, but you are also suggesting you're views on this person. As in not responsible and complaining.

Also life is not always about choice, at least here in the US. Sometimes it's not my fault that I rack up debt. So then, I do have to make a choice of what would be a better path to follow. And luck would be super sweet.

I don't seriously think you can always say....."you chose this or that and it's all you're choice...and this is how life has turned out for you...so get over it."

I think that is rather harsh.

[Alicia Avocado]

Maybe so, but you are also suggesting you're views on this person. As in not responsible and complaining.

At the end of the day, she chose to have sex, and chose not to wear a condom. She came to me expressing all the woes of her life and wanted input, and I relectantly gave it after she acted like all my hard work in life was pure luck. So it's not my views, but rather the widely excepted concept for actions and consequences.


I think that is rather harsh.

Life isn't all lollipops and rainbows unfortunately.

[xKristenx]

I know what you mean! I know a girl who has lots of one night stands, uses no protection and was shocked when she became pregnant. She told me I was lucky I had a loving boyfriend who would stick with me if we had an accident!

While that is true, I would never put myself in the position where I could get pregnant to some guy who's last name I didn't even know!

I have much admiration for the women I do know raising kids alone and would class them in a totally different category to this girl!!! I find it hard to sympathize with people who make dumb choices over and over again and then call it 'bad luck' and moan about other people having 'all the luck'/

[jAded]

Being a victim won't get you anywhere in life, however I can understand how being a young single mother can cause someone to want to have a little vent every now and then.

[Earthling]

There is a definitely correlation between teenage mothers, their social class and their level of education. People who make "dumb" mistakes over and over are probably more likely to come from underprivileged backgrounds. That IS a case of luck, we cannot choose whether we're born into a high income or low income family, we cannot choose what type of sex education we get. We can't choose how our parents will bring us up and what they will teach us about life.

Some young girls get pregnant accidentally in ways that may or may not be directly their 'fault'. A condom breaking is down to luck. Whether a girl is simply taught abstinence or recieves proper sex education is pretty much a case of luck, since it's down to her parents to check what the school teachers her. And it's also out of her control if she has had it drummed into her that abortion is evil and wrong, or that her only role in life will be as a wife and mother.

Let me clarify - not all teeange mothers are poor and under-educated. Some make fully informed choices to become pregnant, or to have and raise their baby. And a teenager who has an abortion is no better or worse than a teeanger who has their baby or puts him/her up for adoption.

I can see it's frustrating when you work for something and someone tells you it's down to luck and insinuates that it fell into your lap. But that's no excuse to look down on someone else because you feel they've made poor choices (i.e. not the choices you would have made). People don't become young mothers because they are stupid.

I'm incredibly inarticulate this evening. I hope I haven't managed to offend any young mothers/fathers with this post, that's totally not my intention.

[synergy]

I completely understand. I get very annoyed at people that refuse to take personal responsibility for their actions or their lives and blame everyone else and circumstances for their unhappiness.

I am lucky. I know that and I am very, very grateful for all the advantages I have had in life. But, I still worked my ass off, and attribute my successes to my hard work, as well as to a bit of luck.

I know many people that really can't see how they have had any part in shaping their lives, not with their actions, attitude or outlook. Like my mom. *headdesk* Living in victim consiousness does not allow you to make any changes that will improve your circumstances.

[ripvanfish]

People don't become young mothers because they are stupid.

I know a lot of young mothers and have a lot of them in my family. In most cases, I completely disagree with you on this point.