Here's my story. I broke up with my fiance today. We have been together(for the second time) for 2 years and have a 1 year old daughter together. It's one of the same reasons why we broke up the first time-he has a very negative attitude about everything,gets upset very easy(even with the baby) has a tendency to destory things when he's upset(today was my cell phone which is completely destroyed)and I'm tired of dealing with it. Plus he doesn't help with the clean up. SO I've been :cry: all day and now I have to move in with my mom (who is a smoker-which was another thread I did) until I can figure out a place to live and sort things out. I very much want him to be a part of her life, just not mine. I will never deny him seeing her and I'm not asking for child support. Thanks, I just needed to vent to my veggie family. :(

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I am sorry to hear that. Even if you are doing what is best for you, I'm sure it is still a very difficult time for you. I am sure things will get better for you. Good luck. And vent as much as you want. :)

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I'm so sorry. Even when you know it was the right thing to do, it still hurts. It will get easier, though. :hug:

So sorry, 808veggie! :hug: I was in a similar situation once (without the baby, though), and the best thing for your physical and emotional health is to be separated from that kind of behavior. You deserve better! I know it will be difficult but worth it in the long run! You can cry and vent all you want here!

:hug: I'm so sorry that you have to go through such a difficult time. :( I know how hard it is, but it sounds like it'll be best for you in the long run.

It sounds like you made a good decision for you and your child. Maybe he can get some therapy to deal with his temper. While I admire the fact that you wouldn't keep your child from him, I think that some form of child support is neccesary. Putting all pride aside and taking his money is not about greed or being a "poor" mom or something. It is his child as well, and even if the two of you are not physically together, that should not keep him from fufilling his responsibility as a parent to provide things for your child. That aspect is not about you or him, it's about what in your child's best interest. That's just my thoughts, I hope you are doing well :hug:

It sounds like you made a good decision for you and your child. Maybe he can get some therapy to deal with his temper. While I admire the fact that you wouldn't keep your child from him, I think that some form of child support is neccesary. Putting all pride aside and taking his money is not about greed or being a "poor" mom or something. It is his child as well, and even if the two of you are not physically together, that should not keep him from fufilling his responsibility as a parent to provide things for your child. That aspect is not about you or him, it's about what in your child's best interest. That's just my thoughts, I hope you are doing well :hug:

I agree with punkmommy. She's his responsibility as well. It sounds like you made the right decision... I was reading that and wondering if he'd ever turn that temper on you... not a nice thought.

I can't wait(later on of course) to find a nice veggie man..*dreams* I just realized all my relationships in the past 8 years (all 4 of them) the guys were all crap! And I wasted an average 2-3 years on them. :( I will set higher standards for myself and my daughter! *pride*. I need someone who has a good job,a working vehicle,doesn't mind taking me out and likes my 21 list!!! Anybody know anyone? :boobies: hehe

Sorry that it has taken me so long to read this...

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sorry

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it sound slike he needs some anger management

i had a bf like that a while ok. Broke my phone too, one day he went too far and pushed me.

The point of my story is its a good thing you got out of the relationship.

Btw if you find soem that meets your 21 list ask if he has a brother :-)

awwww....I'm so sorry 808veggie :hug: :hug:

I :wayne: you for doing the right thing though. I know it must be hard, but it is what's best for you. And as I was reading your post I was thinking the same thing Punkmommy said. He should definitely hold some financial responsibility towards your daughter. You may not want to deal with that right now, but it's better to get it done and over with. Down the road she will need that financial support.

You are very strong for doing what you did. I'm going through a break up right now also. No kids, just cats. So it's not nearly as sticky a situation. But we lived together, and it's hard to figure out that someone you used to thing was right for you couldn't be more wrong. I hope you feel better. And feel free to vent anytime! That's what we're here for! :D

*sending lots of love*

I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles but you absolutely did the right thing. It's not good to continue a bad relationship. Just be happy that you made your decision now. I unfortunately married into a bad, abusive relationship, from which I am now thankfully divorced. Although I knew it was the right thing to do to leave him, it didn't make it any easier. I also felt like I wasted my time but I am much more positive about it now. I look at it as a learning experience, a very long learning experience, but it wasn't wasted time.

I do agree that since you have a child with him that you shouldn't be so quick to say that you don't want any financial support from him. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to want.

So another example popped up yesterday that assured me I should leave-yesterday my daughter had tubes put in her ears and her adenoids out. So of course we both went. After about 2 hours after the surgery she was still crying and fussy(duh, of course) and I was getting the discharge papers from the nurse, he was holding the baby and because she started crying again he was getting irritated and said"jesus christ" to her. I was so enraged! How dare he? I wanted to just take a scapel and ram it into his ear and see if it felt good to him. Bastard. I'm so over joyed I'm leaving.

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I need someone who has a good job,a working vehicle,doesn't mind taking me out and likes my 21 list!!!

Um...my bicycle works fine, does that count ? :think:

21 list huh? What are the other points ?

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Um...my bicycle works fine, does that count ? :think:

21 list huh? What are the other points ?


Well you like ALF, so that's a plus!!!! A bicycle works also, my first boyfriend rode a bike and didn't even have his license until he was 28! I like someone who is aggresive when it comes to animal rights and saving the enviroment, but not towards me(unless I ask! :naughty: :whip: hehe) This time I'm totally turning inward this time to find the right man. I'm sick of settling and not really getting to know the person first!

Well you like ALF, so that's a plus!!!! A bicycle works also, my first boyfriend rode a bike and didn't even have his license until he was 28! I like someone who is aggresive when it comes to animal rights and saving the enviroment, but not towards me(unless I ask! :naughty: :whip: hehe) This time I'm totally turning inward this time to find the right man. I'm sick of settling and not really getting to know the person first!

808veggie, i'm so sorry to hear about this. Sorry i'm so long to write, too. Congratulations to you for having the strength to know what is best for you. A lot of people get trapped in relationships thinking they will never find someone else. Well, there are LOTS of very nice men out there (what city do you live in? I have lots of great single guy friends in the Boston area I could introduce to you after you've had some time away from your ex; you probably need to find yourself first after your breakup, not the "right" man.) I have to agree with Punk mommy, I know that you don't want child support now, but what if you do in the future? If you want him to be a part of the life of your child, make sure he's experiencing parenthood in all of its facets - and that includes the responsibility of financially supporting his child. It will be a richer experience for him in the long run. Good luck and take care

Here's the latest update- I did ask my x for half of the daycare and he told me he couldn't do it this payday, but maybe next. Then when I went to pick up my daughter from his mom's(where he's staying) she tells me he told her he can't pay her all the rent because he has to give me money for daycare. First of all his "rent" is only $300 a month and he refuses to pay any of his other bills so that leaves him like $1,000 for the month, so why can't he pay rent? I told his mom that he told me he couldn't pay daycare this payday but maybe the next. So I caught him in a lie basically. So I emailed him the next day asking him about it and he got an attitude asking me not to talk to his mother about him and that I'd get my money don't worry. But I am going to get help with filing for custody and child support. He should want to be a part of her life, but so far he only sees her when he picks her up twice a week from daycare. This friday he's watching her overnight so I can go to a coworkers halloween party-I'm hoping it will make him realize what he's missing out on. But if not, I'm fine raising her without his help-I've been doing it that way for awhile anyways!

Sorry to hear about the lie, but now you know what you have to do for you and your child. Best of luck to you.

Sorry to hear about the lie, but now you know what you have to do for you and your child. Best of luck to you.

Thank you. I have lots of support so it should be ok!

Don't get caught between him and his mother.

If he wants to lie to her: fine.

Maybe he does it to keep money apart for the kid ?

Don't get caught between him and his mother.

If he wants to lie to her: fine.

Maybe he does it to keep money apart for the kid ?

No, you have to know him. When we we're together I think he maybe bought her 2 outfits and that was because I was with him asking him to. He never once came home with anything for her. How sad is that? :no:

I don't know him and (some) men are just inconsiderate.

A kid is a commitment for life, not something like a car that you sometimes check to see if it is still there.

Maybe he'll get wiser when he gets older (this sometimes happens)

Hi, 808 - I'm really sorry for all that you have suffered.

Please take my sympathies, and then, especially because you have some distance from that awful day of the post, I want to give you some life experience that will probably help you:

1) You have now had this type of relationship. If you are through with this type of relationship, make a mental note to yourself that you have exprienced what you set out to, and that you no longer have to experience what does not work. Decide for yourself that you don't need to do this again, and, trust me, you won't.

2) you need to go into court and get this guy to step up to the financial plate regarding his daughter. You need to do this for a whole slew of reasons:

a) Your daughter deserves to be supported in a decent manner. Just because she grew inside your body doesn't mean that you should bear the entire responsibility for the financial part. Without his sperm, your daughter would not be here. He is half responsible. Use the court system, which is setup to do this, to make him BE responsible.

b) he is going to get more women pregnant and there will be less and less for your daughter if he doesn't come to understand this responsibility. Many men seem to think that sex ends with an orgasm. Unless they are truly responsible people, which is it completely obvious that he is not, he will never, ever get it unless someone makes him have to get it. If you let him off the hook, he'll forget about what sex can mean, the next some woman lets him into her pants. He's done it to you. He'll do it again.

c) you need to find the power that you have let go to this man. By taking the steps that you need to in order to make him be financially responsible, you will find power from within yourself. You will be less likely to let a man have the upper hand in the future, knowing that you CAN call him to the table if you need to.

There are all sorts of services to make him pay up. Once you do what is necessary, the money will be taken out of his paycheck automatically. Believe me, if it is either that or go to jail, he'll find that money and it won't be his Mom telling you "next week" - it will be a judge telling him "now" or else.

Please don't sit around and wish for a beautiful veggie guy. I have been married a long time, and several of my friends have been married at least 10 years. For another perspecitive, I have a close girlfriend who is a professional escort. All I can say is that the person of whom you dream isn't "out there", but rather is inside you.

I remember hearing this all of my life, but I finally understand it. There is no man who will be the way that you dream. All life partners come to the table with problems, issues and disgusting habits. In the beginning they are cute, or just tolerable, and after a few years they become less and less so.

Do you want love? Try to learn to look at yourself through the eyes of your imaginary lover. See in yourself what you would want others to see.

Do you want to feel snuggly? Find something that you can do for yourself that gives you that feeling. Something that involves no one else...maybe it's a nice hot bubblebath. Perhaps it's sleeping with the windows open and listening to the crickets at night. Maybe it's planting a flower. Find these things that you can do for yourself, and they can never be taken away by some man who want to punish you by being cold, or whatever.

Do you want great sex? Do it yourself. Go to a toy shop and find something special for yourself. Buy a shower massage. Whatever. Never depend on a man to give you an orgasm, again, it is something that can never be taken from you if you can do it alone.

Mostly, think about your daughter and your responsibility to her. Do you want her to grow up yearning and needing a man? Do you want her to grow up tolerating bad behaviour from her significant other? Do you want her to grow up attracted to lazy, selfish, immature boys?Or do you want her to grow up to be self fulfilled and strong?

You are her only role model and you must undestand that she is watching every move you make, every action that you take, and every reaction that you give.

Take that boy to court. Don't worry about him and how he feels, it is very obvious that he could care less about how others feel. Right now, like with so many men, it is all about him, how he feels, what he wants. It's time for you to pull out some big guns and make him realize that it stops being about him the minute he decides to have sex.

No, you have to know him. When we we're together I think he maybe bought her 2 outfits and that was because I was with him asking him to. He never once came home with anything for her. How sad is that? :no:

BTW, regarding this and his lack of sympathy over the eartubes. You will have tons and tons of pathetic little tales to tell about this guy. He's not mature enough to be a father, only mature enough to be a sperm donor. Forget these behaviours. I think that you probably knew inside that he wasn't father material. Most women think that a child will change a man - that he'll grow up, mature, care about others, feel paternal, feel more loving. That's just a fantasy. He has shown you who he is, and he is just continuing to do it. He hasn't changed.

The only thing that is going to change him is to have to hurt in the wallet.


BTW, fully expect him to make you out to be an evil, nasty, b%tch. His true colors will come out once you start making him do what he doesn't want to do. Additionally, since he is an abuser, he will try to abuse you with threats into not going to the court system. Don't you listen to him. That is what abusive men do. Keep a diary of the threats that he makes, and keep the courts up on what he says and does.

In the meantime you might as well stop with the, "look at what a lame father he is" thought process. You shouldn't be surprised. You have known it all along.