When relatives crap on you

[Tori~CL]

So I was having this happy fun night with my kids watching Nick at night and hanging in the living room. My son and step-daughter are talking about computors and how smart they are. lol. Then my step-daughter shows me her facebook that I knew she had and her mother has one too only because she told me. We have 50/50 custody so our rules are different for her in each house. So we was looking at all these cool pics and kids stuff and games and her mother of course is one of her friends. She clicked on her moms page and I about died.

I knew my SD talked to my sister-in-law on facebook. (that is her aunt of course) But I didn't know my SIL was chatting with my husbands ex-wife! The last three years I noticed she has been a smart ass and cold to me and I have no idea what I ever did to her. I have shared my feelings about this with my husband because he grew up with her and graduated high school with her and says this is just the way she is...He has no respect for her, just deals that it's his brothers wife.

In saying that, I never knew they was that 'close.' She forwards our picture family events to her. There is no reason behind that whatsover.

Sunday at a family gathering my SIL and BIL show up and my dad just had to bring up to the whole entire story that he has shared a million times all over that I don't eat eggs. Oh God. So it's another chance for my sil to cut me down and say something smart ass. My omni husband chimes in (bless his heart)that I can bake the best without eggs. She rolls her eyes and says, it's just protein and gave me a total look.

I am not vocal in my family whatsover, I don't express my views unless asked, and even if..I say very little just to get along. I don't have a myspace, facebook or a blog. The only blogs I read are veggie cooking blogs and I pretty much keep to myself because I have learned from experience.

So when I read my SIL and my my ex-husbands wife talking and being friends and talking about me, it put tears in my eyes for sure. I didn't do a damn thing except being the parent to my step-daughter that her mom couldn't be. I've never had words with my SIL but she always finds something to try to belittle me with. I will confess that she does intimidate me so maybe she feeds off of that for her strange pleasure.

Thanks for the vent. :)

[das_nut]

I'm confused.

Is your SIL your husband's sister?

If so, I can see why she talks to her ex-SIL (your husband's ex).

Your husband's ex is still the mother of your SIL's niece.

That's blood.

She'll be curious about how her neice is living and her neice's kin (by blood or marriage).

Now if she's gossiping about you, that reflects on her, not you.

Just my (not what you probably wanted to hear) $.02.

PS: Teens can be difficult. Step children just have a few more quips to make when they are being difficult.

[Tori~CL]

I'm confused.

Is your SIL your husband's sister?

If so, I can see why she talks to her ex-SIL (your husband's ex).

Your husband's ex is still the mother of your SIL's niece.

That's blood.

She'll be curious about how her neice is living and her neice's kin (by blood or marriage).

Now if she's gossiping about you, that reflects on her, not you.

Just my (not what you probably wanted to hear) $.02.

PS: Teens can be difficult. Step children just have a few more quips to make when they are being difficult.

Lol, I had a feeling when I typed that that would get confusing with the family stuff. My SIL is married to my husbands brother. My step daughter and her blood mother have both a facebook. So does my sil that I guess I found out does not like me. (so my husbands ex wife would use to be her SIL too) I think that still sounds confusing. lol

And this has nothing to with kids, but adults doing gossip.

[das_nut]

In that case...

Certain people won't like you. It's part of having a backbone.

Move on.

Just my $.02.

[Tori~CL]

In that case...

Certain people won't like you. It's part of having a backbone.

Move on.

Just my $.02.

Move on to where? This is a family circle though and I have to see them/hear from time to time.

I don't have a backbone and it sucks not too. I'm not a fighter in RL.

[Miss Unleaded]

Your SIL is entitled to maintain a relationship with your husband's ex. He divorced her, his family didn't. It must make things uncomfortable for you but unfortunately you can't dictate your relatives' friends.

Talking behind your back and giving you grief about your veganism and parenting are completely rude though. I suggest cultivating a calm, unflappable air when she puts you down and makes smart alek remarks. Even if it stings like hell, just remember to consider the source. She is a nasty piece of work who back stabs and gossips; do you really respect her opinion?

So she mocks you for not using eggs? Just give a little smile and say 'It's very kind of you to take an interest.' Looking at her with complete silence so that she is uncomfortably aware of how idiotic she just sounded is another tool. Or laugh like she just said the funniest thing in the world and treat everything she says like it's a joke. Pretty soon she'll get sick of baiting you and move on to an easier target. I know it's hard but you can't let her get to you.

Oh, and give your hubby a big hug, because he is obviously on your side and realises what a ninny she is!

[Tori~CL]

Your SIL is entitled to maintain a relationship with your husband's ex. He divorced her, his family didn't. It must make things uncomfortable for you but unfortunately you can't dictate your relatives' friends.


Before I can read on...this caught my eye! Just one assumes? She ripped my husband off after one and a half years of marriage. I've been with him since 2003. She divorced him. :)

[Miss Unleaded]

Before I can read on...this caught my eye! Just one assumes? She ripped my husband off after one and a half years of marriage. I've been with him since 2003. She divorced him. :)

It's a real shame his family isn't more loyal to him but I don't think it really matters who divorced whom. Perhaps I should have said 'She divorced him, not his family.' The point is that it's not unnatural for exes to remain friends with the family. I am still friendly with my ex boyfriend's mother even though I stopped talking to him years ago.

[Tori~CL]

It's a real shame his family isn't more loyal to him but I don't think it really matters who divorced whom. Perhaps I should have said 'She divorced him, not his family.' The point is that it's not unnatural for exes to remain friends with the family. I am still friendly with my ex boyfriend's mother even though I stopped talking to him years ago.

What? Maybe I typed this wrong....lalalalalalala

[Miss Unleaded]

What? Maybe I typed this wrong....lalalalalalala

:confused:

Ok, I'll back out of your thread and leave you to it. Sorry that I seemed to have misunderstood you so badly.

[Prajnaparamita]

Tori, I'm sorry this is happening to you but I have to say it all seems kind of petty. She's the more petty, for sure, but why do you care so much what she thinks? It sucks that she bullies you and talks about you behind your back but really, she's not worth your time and energy. It sounds to me as if she is someone to be pitied if her world is so small and her life so sheltered that she gets pleasure from belittling someone who has done nothing to deserve it.

I know it's not easy, but you really need to rise above it and not let it get to you. As long as she is not directly influencing your husband and children's behaviour toward you, I really can't see why her opinion is so important.

I hope you feel better soon.

[Poppy]

I'm sorry. It's hard to be the "odd" one - very hard. But try not to let it get to you. If the intention of your SIL is to make you feel bad or to somehow put you in your place, don't let it happen. If she wants to be sneaky and talk behind your back, let her. Her actions/words/attitude reflect on her, not on you - especially if they can't get a reaction out of you.

You have no reason on this earth to feel bad about not using eggs.

I read a quote yesterday - "What other people think about you is none of your business."

[paisleyjane]

I would probably feel hurt too, to be honest. If my sister-in-law didn't like me, but was all chummy with the husband's ex... that would bug me. I don't think there is anything you can say or do, but just wanted to say that it's natural to feel kindof upset... everybody likes to be liked, and it hurts when you're obviously second to the ex.

Your hubby loves you, and your son & step-daughter love you, and that's all that matters :)

[hoodedclawjen]

you just gotta let them carry on really- if they wanna be idiots let it be their problem. and develop a backbone- with practice you can. :)

[Tori~CL]

Thanks guys. I know they are free to do this, but it just really shocked me. I told my husband and he was pissed and felt betrayed, especially how she knows what grief, money, and pain she put him through. This person is not a very nice person, and I am not just saying this because she is the husbands ex, but because she has a big history. His brother and SIL know this. They know what we have gone through with the court system and the money and games we have dealt with. I guess my husband was right about that... it's just the way the SIL is.

My husband actually said he wanted to say something to the family about it, but I said no way! It will just stir up trouble and I rather let it go. So that is what I am going to do. :) I know my conscience is clear.

PJ, I think you nailed it. My SIL was married before and went through a really bad divorce from what she has told me in the past. I am sure it would hurt her if she knew I was talking to her ex on the net and acting all buddy buddy! But I am not like that. And in the furture I will keep an arms length from her at any family event.