Non-vegetarian BF

[Amelia.]

I've lately been having trouble with the fact that I'm a vegetarian and my boyfriend is not. He's even seen some of the horrific videos they show of slaughterhouses and I've read him quotes from Skinny b**ch. He thinks its all fake and still chooses to fill his face with flesh. I'm not really one to "force" someone else into something I feel strongly about, but I've given him little promts and pushes, thats still not working either. I feel like he's an awful person for eating meat even though hes aware of their last moments.. I feel like I shouldnt be with an awful person. My Dad often makes crude comments and finds humour in animals suffering which he makes remarks about...my bf LAUGHS along with him sometimes..I feel like I wanna find someone who has the same kinna heart as I do and the same feelings towards this horrific industry. Would it be so bad of me to break up with him on that reason alone?

P.S. As if things werent complicated enough, he's virtually perfect for me in every other aspect but this.

Whats your opinion?

[unovegan]

Maybe you should give it some time. Anyone who goes veggie should do it of their own accord. Perhaps over time he'll be interested when he realizes just how important it is to you. Maybe he'll decide that that sacrifice is well worth it to be with you. I don't know that i'd make an ultimatum to him. I'd probably just let him know just how much eating animals upsets you. If over time things don't change, then maybe something should change.

[Amelia.]

That sounds like a good idea, I dont wanna force anyone to do anything and it also wouldnt mean as much to me if he only did it for me, I want him to want to be vegetarian because he knows how wrong any other way is. Thank you for your quick reply!

[Pixelle]

Have you made it clear to him that this upsets you when he does this? If you have and he continues to do it, then that is a good indication that his feelings and respect for you probably don't run that deep.

[dormouse]

A lot of vegetarians and vegans, including many of us on this very message board, date and marry omnivores. It's a personal matter to be sure, and to some of us, it matters more than others.

It jumps out at me that you said that you think your boyfriend is bad person for continuing to eat meat. That says a lot. Since you believe that, I don't know how you can possibly justify dating him seriously. Perhaps your statement in your post came out wrong, but I strongly encourage you to think about that. Do you think he's a bad person for continuing to eat meat despite what you have shown him?

About agreeing with/laughing with your dad, I wouldn't read too much into that. He might just be trying to win your dad over. I don't think you could expect him to stand up to your dad if you guys haven't been dating very long. However, does he do this with friends (where he doesn't feel pressured to make an impression)?

Those of us who do love omnivores generally have respectful omni's and I don't think any of us think our partners are "bad people." You might be one of those people who can't deal with being close with meat eaters.

[Wishuponastar]

I agree that it seems he has a lack of respect for you. If he is not able to respect your feelings regarding diet, imagine how hard it would be to live with him. Would he respect your decisions regarding a shared house, kids, pets, household chores, etc? Think about it this way...If he chooses to laugh along with the jokes and continues to eat meat even though he knows the horrors of the meat industry, what does that say about his personality in general? Maybe he is one of the people that chooses to live by the slogan, "Ignorance is bliss" but you have already shown that you question things that do not seem right by becoming Vegetarian. It seems like you have two totally different personality types.

[Wayne_D]

Respect has to work both ways. He's decided to remain eating meat, which means you can either learn to accept that and focus on the positives of your relationship, OR if you're really that uncomfortable with it, call the whole thing off.

[KHADIJAH]

I agree with the above post maybe give it sometime but do let him know how he makes you feel when he does the things he does. He should respect you and your beliefs.

[cstadt]

My advice is to talk with him about cutting down the jokes and saying the truth is false-- I mean come on, there is no denying that factory farms are real and mainstream.

Maybe you can show him some other films. Maybe some that don't show "PETA" in the corner or sites not affiliated with animal rights? Those kind of sites have a reputation. My boyfriend's very veg-friendly (as in he doesn't eat meat but doesn't care about a lot of other ingredients) but he doesn't find most of those sites credible.

Choosing not to date someone because they eat meat is your own right but you may find it hard to find somebody that doesn't and that also fits the rest of your 'criteria,' you know?

Like most everyone said, give it time. And keep talking about it. To your dad too because he sounds like a turd! I know people that do the same thing.

[Sophia_]

Oh Amelia, I totally understand your situation. I can accept the fact that my BF is omni (almost carnivore, because he eats lots of meat and his plate is like 2/3 of meat always) but I can't stand his jokes. We had already several arguments because he doesn't accknowledge that veg*s can be healthy. Usually, we finish saying something like "I respect your opinion, but I don't agree; however I like you so much and nobody is perfect, so let's just respect each other and don't criticise each other". That's good.

However, recently, things get a bit worse because I'm an ovo-lacto-vegetarian, but I feel I need to turn vegan for ethical and human reasons and he said that he would break up with me if I'll turn vegan because he thinks that's sick and obsessive. Of course I already tried to explain him that he's full of misinformation but he doesn´t want to see what is right and now we're really bad. I don't want to loose him, but my heart feels that veganism is the right choice.

Hope everything you will be fine soon; but if you really like your Bf don't give up of your relationship and try to make things work (talking with understanding), because as you said he's perfect in everything else;)

[nataliex1122]

Oh Amelia, I totally understand your situation. I can accept the fact that my BF is omni (almost carnivore, because he eats lots of meat and his plate is like 2/3 of meat always) but I can't stand his jokes. We had already several arguments because he doesn't accknowledge that veg*s can be healthy. Usually, we finish saying something like "I respect your opinion, but I don't agree; however I like you so much and nobody is perfect, so let's just respect each other and don't criticise each other". That's good.

However, recently, things get a bit worse because I'm an ovo-lacto-vegetarian, but I feel I need to turn vegan for ethical and human reasons and he said that he would break up with me if I'll turn vegan because he thinks that's sick and obsessive. Of course I already tried to explain him that he's full of misinformation but he doesn´t want to see what is right and now we're really bad. I don't want to loose him, but my heart feels that veganism is the right choice.

Hope everything you will be fine soon; but if you really like your Bf don't give up of your relationship and try to make things work (talking with understanding), because as you said he's perfect in everything else;)

If you look at the big picture here neither your or Amelia's situation have nothing to do with veg*anism and everything to do with respect. Your SO doesn't have to agree with your beliefs but they do have to respect your beliefs in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

Amelia- As a few other posters have mentioned it is completely possible to live happily with an omnivorous spouse. :) Vegetarianism might be a new concept to him, I know when I had a vegan friend and I was an omni I was completely closed off to the idea to veg*anism, years later I had my own "aha" moment. However, if I were you I'd be interested in why exactly he believes factory farming is a conspiracy theory. :lol:

Sophia- The fact that your boyfriend threatened to break up with you because of your diet is childish and completely disrespectful. Did you make it clear that he didn't have to eat vegan when around you (if you don't mind him eating animal products when around you, of course)? Respect is a vital part of a relationship I couldn't imagine sating someone who's "perfect in every way" except for respecting my beliefs.

[Sophia_]

Sophia- The fact that your boyfriend threatened to break up with you because of your diet is childish and completely disrespectful. Did you make it clear that he didn't have to eat vegan when around you (if you don't mind him eating animal products when around you, of course)? Respect is a vital part of a relationship I couldn't imagine sating someone who's "perfect in every way" except for respecting my beliefs.

I understand your point Natalie. He's really respectful about everything but he can't handle with the fact that I'm vegetarian. I also told him he was being childish but he is a person with fixed ideas. I respect him when he's eating meat in front of me, but for him is hard to accept the fact I'm eliminating eggs and dairy from my diet and the other day he was around 20minutes argumenting with me to make me drink a glass of milk, then he gave up.
Where I live there are some vegetarians, but only a few. Besides me, we only have one other veg friend in our friends circle (and he is ovo-lacto-veg without intention of turning vegan).
My bf also deals really bad with it because of social situations; he feels embarressed that I'm always, as he says, the only one who doesn't eat like the others =/
Anyway, I'll follow my heart and my mind and I'll become vegan. I'll make it slowly; that way he has time to accept and learn to rescpet, gradually, my beliefs. If he really loves me he will accept and respect it (without saying that's unhealthy, sick and a social embarrassement for him), as well as I respect his omni beliefs.
I trust we all can live together with respect and if he thinks other way, maybe we're not supposed to be together.
Lets see what happen...

[rapt]

I feel like I wanna find someone who has the same kinna heart as I do and the same feelings towards this horrific industry. Would it be so bad of me to break up with him on that reason alone?

it wouldnt be such a bad thing but just keep in mind that vegetarins are kinda thin on the ground & even if you do find one it doesnt mean you will be compatable with them in every other way as you say you are with your bf. you might be better off pushing for the respect you deserve in the relationship youre currently in. id guess that if he cares for you at all he will get over his objections eventually.

[LabileLotus]

A lot of vegetarians and vegans, including many of us on this very message board, date and marry omnivores. It's a personal matter to be sure, and to some of us, it matters more than others.

It jumps out at me that you said that you think your boyfriend is bad person for continuing to eat meat. That says a lot. Since you believe that, I don't know how you can possibly justify dating him seriously. Perhaps your statement in your post came out wrong, but I strongly encourage you to think about that. Do you think he's a bad person for continuing to eat meat despite what you have shown him?

About agreeing with/laughing with your dad, I wouldn't read too much into that. He might just be trying to win your dad over. I don't think you could expect him to stand up to your dad if you guys haven't been dating very long. However, does he do this with friends (where he doesn't feel pressured to make an impression)?

Those of us who do love omnivores generally have respectful omni's and I don't think any of us think our partners are "bad people." You might be one of those people who can't deal with being close with meat eaters.

:yes:

[Marissa_L]

My bf is a meat eater but would never laugh at animals. He becomes really distressed & upset when he hears of animal cruelty. While I think you can have a successful & happy relationship with an omni, I'm not too sure about one who would laugh at animals pain & break up with you over turning vegan? Hmmm. I would be very careful with this. Your bf should respect you & support you with your decisions. I think you should talk to him about how it makes you feel when he laughs along with your dad. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it all works out for you.
All the best :)

[whisper]

I've dated both omni and veggie (although it took 40+ years to meet one) and I will never date another omni even if I end up alone. I could never go back to an omni after being with someone who has the same ethics...you can have a conversation about things and you both agree, no meat in the house, no meat on their plate when eating out, etc, its just a world of difference.

I don't know how you can say hes perfect except that he's disrespectful of your moral and ethical choices. Someone that makes fun of your values is far from perfect and obviously has very little respect for you. When someone cares for you they are supposed to support you not degrade you.

[Yonate]

I've dated both omni and veggie (although it took 40+ years to meet one) and I will never date another omni even if I end up alone. I could never go back to an omni after being with someone who has the same ethics...you can have a conversation about things and you both agree, no meat in the house, no meat on their plate when eating out, etc, its just a world of difference.

I don't know how you can say hes perfect except that he's disrespectful of your moral and ethical choices. Someone that makes fun of your values is far from perfect and obviously has very little respect for you. When someone cares for you they are supposed to support you not degrade you.

qft

[Alicia Avocado]

It comes down to this, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. We have to respect the choices of others as they must respect our choices.

Your boyfriend is chosing to eat meat, and you offered him your perspective, and he did not agree. All you can do is accept it. However, when he is critical of *your* dietary choices, then polite remind him of how you are respecting his. We cannot expect respect when we openly try to get someone to go veggie despite their protests.

I am with an omni, and we get along great because we accept and respect eachother's choices. I make a vegetarian meal every night, and when ever he wants meat he is free to purchase and prepare it if he wants a change, but surprisingly, he likes my cooking better.

As a vegetarian it's hard not to feel left out at times at get togethers, but don't let the fact that you don't eat meat make you feel isolated from other people. No one cares if you are just eating french fries and ketchup if you are a great person to be around or a conversationalist, soon they just accept it and the "newness" wears off.

[Irizary]

We have to respect the choices of others as they must respect our choices.

Do you respect every choice anyone makes?

[Alicia Avocado]

I may not like the choices of others, but I do not have the power to change them, so all I can do is repect their right to choice as I like mine to be respected.

[Irizary]

Some people have their dogs chained up 24 hours per day and never give them attention, and it's perfectly legal. Do you respect that choice?

Some people have farms with hundreds of thousands of hens in cages so tiny they can't even get up and turn around or flap their wings, and that's legal. Do you respect that choice?

[Sevenseas]

I've dated a few racists. As long as they respected my choice of not being a racist, I could respect their choice to be one.

Eating meat embodies certain values (such as convenience and tradition over life and freedom from horrible pain), but eating meat doesn't exist only in the abstract sphere of people's different values and "dietary paths". It exists in the real world of the farm and of the slaughterhouse, with real, brutal consequences for real sentient beings.

Needless to say, I would find it difficult to date an omni who was aware of the ethical issues concerning meat-eating.

[unovegan]

I've dated a few racists. As long as they respected my choice of not being a racist, I could respect their choice to be one.

Eating meat embodies certain values (such as convenience and tradition over life and freedom from horrible pain), but eating meat doesn't exist only in the abstract sphere of people's different values and "dietary paths". It exists in the real world of the farm and of the slaughterhouse, with real, brutal consequences for real sentient beings.

Needless to say, I would find it difficult to date an omni who was aware of the ethical issues concerning meat-eating.

I'm assuming you're being sarcastic in your 1st paragraph. or hoping.
otherwise:
Needless to say, I would find it difficult to date a racist who was aware of
the ethical issues concerning racism.

[Sevenseas]

I'm assuming you're being sarcastic in your 1st paragraph.Yes.

[nataliex1122]

I understand your point Natalie. He's really respectful about everything but he can't handle with the fact that I'm vegetarian. I also told him he was being childish but he is a person with fixed ideas. I respect him when he's eating meat in front of me, but for him is hard to accept the fact I'm eliminating eggs and dairy from my diet and the other day he was around 20minutes argumenting with me to make me drink a glass of milk, then he gave up.
Where I live there are some vegetarians, but only a few. Besides me, we only have one other veg friend in our friends circle (and he is ovo-lacto-veg without intention of turning vegan).
My bf also deals really bad with it because of social situations; he feels embarressed that I'm always, as he says, the only one who doesn't eat like the others =/
Anyway, I'll follow my heart and my mind and I'll become vegan. I'll make it slowly; that way he has time to accept and learn to rescpet, gradually, my beliefs. If he really loves me he will accept and respect it (without saying that's unhealthy, sick and a social embarrassement for him), as well as I respect his omni beliefs.
I trust we all can live together with respect and if he thinks other way, maybe we're not supposed to be together.
Lets see what happen...

:yes:

I guess it all has to do with how much you're willing to put up with from him. Personally had he never threatened to break up with you before, the milk thing would have pushed me over the edge. But then again I'm stubborn. :lol: He really seems to be making this into a big deal, I would continue to talk with him about how you're not judging him, everybody eats differently from one another and how your diet will not affect his diet.