Biological clock... I can hear it ticking now.

[synergy]

I'm 26 and until earlier this year, I was in the undecided about children category, leaning towards the "no way way will I ever have them", but I was careful to never say never. I knew I might feel differently when I was older.

Over the last few months, I've watched myself go from not wanting to have child, to actually being mildly disappointed when I get my period.

I'm not ready yet, but I can feel my DNA talking to me, telling me to reproduce, and I know it's only going to get louder.

I know it's a function of my age, biology and evolution, but I think being in a relationship with a man I can actually imagine having a child with is what started the whole thing off. If I wasn't with someone like that, it might have delayed it, although, not indefinitely I'm sure.

It was funny though, I had a moment laying in bed with my bf, and I could actually feel my body telling me we should have a baby together. It wasn't my brain talking, hehe... It felt like this deep, primal urge.

It's been such an interesting thing to watch myself go through, and even though it'll be a couple of years (God willing), I want to start preparing myself, my body, my finances.

Anyone in a similar situation?
Or any advice from those who've been there?

[Fyvel]

I know it's a function of my age, biology and evolution, but I think being in a relationship with a man I can actually imagine having a child with is what started the whole thing off. If I wasn't with someone like that, it might have delayed it, although, not indefinitely I'm sure.




:yes: Completely my case too! I never wanted kids (or so I thought) until I got involved with my husband. That's when the clock started ticking. Funny thing is, I was in a long term (8 year) relationship with someone else before him (financially unstable and irresponsible) and I had absolutely no desire to have kids.

I think our brains know when it's a good time to have kids and when it isn't :think:

[isowish]

because I don't want kids for a load of reasons that feel sensible to me, I am TERRIFIED of any kind of biological clock that will override my reasoning. :worried:

[Beachbnny]

Synergy! I can hear my clock ticking too and it freaks me out, lol. I too was in a long relationship (5 years) and never once did I feel this. The stronger it gets the more I buck it though. People are always asking when we're going to have children and I always answer, "not until I've seen Europe or been on Safari". It mostly makes people laugh and say that's a good idea- but honestly, I could get pregnant right now and be so happy.

We got pregnant about a year and a half ago and lost it. It was very sad but not the right time. It still wouldn't be a great time to have children but we have a small house that has enough equity and enough in savings that if we did, we'd be fine. It's hard because most of my friends have children or are pregnant. And their kids are so wonderful!

Being with the right person makes a huge difference. Every time I see him hold a child I Feel this crazy thing. For a long time he's been more ready than I have but that's changing. Our best friends are about to have their baby (I've been arranging her baby shower) and it's probably going to send me over the edge, lol. I never thought I'd feel like this. I've been saying I didn't want children for so long now.

[Buenosdiaspet]

I know very few parents who could honestly look at their lives and say, yeah, we waited till we'd done all our stuff/built our careers/saved money etc.... Sounds like everyone is listening to those inner instincts that eventually override the logical ordered side of the brain, just luck the rest of us did... and you know what, despite the lack money/sleep/preparedness or whatever we all mostly did ok with it in the end. SO listen to the heart as much as the head!

BDP

[hoodedclawjen]

oooooh yeah. thats scary. i go with shouting "NO!" at it, punching myself in the stomach, crossing my legs, then mentioning this to the BF and watching the fear and dread flood into his eyes. its working as a tactic for now, as is the discussion of potentially theoretically maybe fostering some sprogs at some as yet undecided point in the future.

[Angelik]

I went through a stage not too long ago wanting kids. I think maybe it was my clock's way of having a final appeal since I'm in my 30's. Thankfully I didn't listen. :lol:

That's not to say that some of you shouldn't though! If having kids is your desire, and it feels right in your heart, I say go for it. I'm just the type that would sometimes forget my head if it weren't attached, so I couldn't imagine trying to keep up with a kid. I like being a nurse so that I can take care of people, let my mothering side out, and then go home and do what I want.

[goldfish]

I'm starting to feel the odd twinge of baby hunger - it's a bit scary, not least because I am single. I'm 25, and a few people have warned me that this is the age when the biological clock starts to tick, but that in a few years it calms down again. We'll see!

I do get a bit broody when I see my friend's baby, but it passes quite quickly when he cries or needs a nappy change... I think I like the idea of kids more than the reality. I was talking to someone at work about this and it's the fact that until they are well into their teens, they literally have to be looked after all the time - you can't just put them in a cupboard or something. Logically, of course I know that, but the reality of it really hit me today.

[synergy]

Thanks for the replies.... I had a feeling I wasn't the only one :D



Synergy! I can hear my clock ticking too and it freaks me out, lol. I too was in a long relationship (5 years) and never once did I feel this. The stronger it gets the more I buck it though. People are always asking when we're going to have children and I always answer, "not until I've seen Europe or been on Safari". It mostly makes people laugh and say that's a good idea- but honestly, I could get pregnant right now and be so happy.

It freaked me out at first too, but now I've made peace with the idea. It's funny, cause I'd be happy about being pregnant now, but ideally, I'd like to wait a couple of years. I'm just going back to school in Septembers, for a two year program.




Being with the right person makes a huge difference. Every time I see him hold a child I Feel this crazy thing. .

No kidding. My boyfriend actually has a 5 year old daughter, and seeing them together makes my heart melt. You can feel the love radiating off of them, it's unbelievable. Not to mention he said his only regret in life is that he didn't have his daughter with someone he loved...

[zoebird]

definitely been there.

we started by identifying where we wanted to be when we had the baby--spiritually, financially, physically, etc. and then we outlined how to get from here to there.

spiritually speaking, we felt pretty strong and so we thought to continue.

financially speaking, we were living on two incomes and wanted me to be a stay at home parent (SAHP). this meant that we'd have to live on a single income. over the course of 5 years, we slowly transitioned to one income (that is, it took about 2-3 years for us to actually transition, and then 2-3 years for us to feel comfortable like that. we also paid off a lot of debt with my income over those last couple of years so that we were nearly debt free (except for some school loans, the house, and car--"good debt").

physically, i started fertility charting. it's an amazing process that can help you identify any fertility or health problems that you may have. from watching my charts, i noticed that i had a broken luteal phase, that i didn't produce enough progesterone, blah blah blah. anyway, i used various dietary methods to solve this problem over the course of a couple of years, and then i had very solid "text book" cycles. when we decided to 'try'--we got pregnant the first time.

even if your plan is long term like this--5 years or so--it's good to take that time to get yourself togetherin every way.

we also researched different kinds of birthing and parenting methods, educational theories, and a myriad of other aspects of child-rearing to discern what we wanted to do for hawk. it made things VERY easy once he was born--we had a strong sense of what we were doing philosophically, and so everything really fell into line.

[zoebird]

oh, and in regards to travel: you can travel with children and babies.

for us, travel is a 'value.' that is, we really value doing it and we want to travel with hawk. while in NZ, i met a lot of people who frequently travel to different countries with their children--back and forth from the US, asia, and europe. it really can be done.

of course, i had already gone on safari and europe and nz before having hawk, but we're currently planning another trip to NZ, and after that, one in asia.

[synergy]

Thanks zoebird,
I appreciate the information.

Do you have any good websites or links you might like to share with me too :D
I remember awhile back you posted an ecstatic birth site, but I haven't been able to find it again.

[coley]

I know very few parents who could honestly look at their lives and say, yeah, we waited till we'd done all our stuff/built our careers/saved money etc.... Sounds like everyone is listening to those inner instincts that eventually override the logical ordered side of the brain, just luck the rest of us did... and you know what, despite the lack money/sleep/preparedness or whatever we all mostly did ok with it in the end. SO listen to the heart as much as the head!

BDP

I agree

Although I think planning for children is great, I also think people can go a bit overboard. Too many people I know waited until they had done all the travelling they wanted, bought and paid off most of their house, saved money and then decided to try for children. Suddenly they were in their late thirties and really struggled to fall pregnant. Of course I have no problem with people choosing to start late, but I think we forget that it does get harder as we get older.

I had my baby when I was 27. I had always been in the "I'm never having babies" camp until I met my partner just over a year before. It felt so right and necessary to become pregnant, so I can definately understand the urge. I've always followed by heart instead of my head and it's always worked out for me.

We've just bought a house now and are getting by on one income. It is hard at times, and I look at my older friends who are in a much better financial position but then I realise they are 10 years older. I also get to stay home and play with my beautiful little girl all day too :D

[Beachbnny]

Thanks for the replies.... I had a feeling I wasn't the only one :D

It freaked me out at first too, but now I've made peace with the idea. It's funny, cause I'd be happy about being pregnant now, but ideally, I'd like to wait a couple of years. I'm just going back to school in Septembers, for a two year program.

No kidding. My boyfriend actually has a 5 year old daughter, and seeing them together makes my heart melt. You can feel the love radiating off of them, it's unbelievable. Not to mention he said his only regret in life is that he didn't have his daughter with someone he loved...

I read in that other thread how you said that he loves her so much that the air shimmers when they're together. *melt* lol How amazingly touching :) We babysit sometimes for friends and seeing him, even with someone else's child, just gives me that "feeling" deep down that I want to have a child with him.

And then I freak out a little and run screaming to the bars so we can dance and drink til 3am, lol. That's wonderful that you've made peace with it all. Being with the right person is absolutely amazing. I'm so glad you're with someone who's such a bright light in your life :) I'm thankful every day that I found my Husband.

[zoebird]

here are a couple of great films: Birth as We Know It (about orgasmic water birth); and The Business of Being Born (pro-midwifery).

beyond that, i love web sites like mothering.com, unassistedbirth.com (i had an unassisted birth--no midwife; it's not for everyone, but i think it's insightful and the birth stories are great).

for pregnancy/birth preparation i love these books/ideas: hypnobirthing and hypnobabies (two different methods; i used neither); the gentle birth method (ayurvedic based for a painless birth); Thinking Woman's Guide to Birth, Spiritual Midwifery, and the Power of Pleasurable Childbirth.

Just start looking around. you'll find a lot of information!

[synergy]

I'm so glad you're with someone who's such a bright light in your life :) I'm thankful every day that I found my Husband.

Thank you :)
I'm so full of gratitude for everything I could just about explode.

And thank you Zoebird. I appreciate the information. I admire the thought and care you've put into your experiences with pregnancy and in raising Hawk.

[Masja]

I'm a believer in "there's no right time to have kids", no matter how much you plan or what you do, it's never a perfect time. That being said hubby was very eager to have kids, I was in the 'never going to even consider it' club. The thought terrified me, I didn't like kids and why would I want one in my house....then a few weeks after getting accepted into university I found out I was pregnant, ooops! lol. I cried, I was scared, I was mad, but that lasted all of one day. My son is now 4 and I don't regret it getting pregnant for a second. I didn't finish school as soon as I wanted, I was only able to go part time, but I'm done now. It was tough with one income, but we made it and he is the coolest little guy ever, I can't imagine life without him.
I'm currently pregnant with my second child and due in a few weeks. We're having a little girl this time and I am over the moon. I get emotional picturing the moment when my children first meet, it brings tears to my eyes because I can feel how amazing it will be knowing my family is complete. Having these little people running around and teaching them about life is an amzing (and scary!) feeling.
Hubby and I have still managed to travel, last september we went to California for a week or so, we've all gone to visit family a province away. The key is a good babysitter (family is best!) that you can drop the kid(s) off at and take a break.
Listen to what your body is telling you. I don't know many people who regret having children, but I know plenty that regret not having them and I think that's a worse feeling.

[Fyvel]

Thanks for sharing, Masja. I'm also nervous about having kids and not sure about the whole ordeal (even though that clock is ticking!).

Good luck with #2 - keep us updated! :)

[Beachbnny]

Thank you :)
I'm so full of gratitude for everything I could just about explode.

Well said. You're gonna be a great Mom :)

Ya know the only thing that really freaks me out and I can't get over? Labor and delivery. I think a few of my friends were too truthful in their retelling of their birth stories, lol. I do remember when I was (briefly) pregnant and Zoebird posted a link to a Mothering forum and there I found all this natural childbirth stories that scared me silly. Now that I'm not pregnant I feel like I know a good bit about it and it terrifies me. Being pregnant sounds lovely. Having a child would be amazing. Giving birth sounds like my version of hell, lol.

And yet, I still want to go through the whole thing. We really are crazy :)

And congratulations Masja! I didn't know you were pregnant! How wonderful!

[Masja]

And congratulations Masja! I didn't know you were pregnant! How wonderful!


Why thank you :)

And yes labour and delivery is daunting for most (if not all) pregnant women, I remember I was terrified the first time too. When my water broke I burst into tears and remember telling my husband that I didn't want to go through it, lol, like I had a choice!!! It hurts like hell, but once you're in it your mind really doesn't think about it, you just do it and it's true that as soon as you hold your son/daughter for the first time, the pain goes away and you'd do it again in a heartbeat :)

[Fyvel]

I think I'm more afraid of raising the kid than giving birth. I have a pretty high pain tolerance so my attitude is "Oh I'll deal with it"

It's probably going to take me by complete surprise and I'll be whimpering like a little baby :lol:

[Beachbnny]

Why thank you :)

And yes labour and delivery is daunting for most (if not all) pregnant women, I remember I was terrified the first time too. When my water broke I burst into tears and remember telling my husband that I didn't want to go through it, lol, like I had a choice!!! It hurts like hell, but once you're in it your mind really doesn't think about it, you just do it and it's true that as soon as you hold your son/daughter for the first time, the pain goes away and you'd do it again in a heartbeat :)

Awww! I want that feeling! But seriously, once it's been awhile the story changes, lol. Every friend I have that's told me the story right after or a day or two later has changed their tune weeks or moths afterward. It seems like it's not remembered as vividly and and intensely as it happened. Which is true for any event, I guess. Still super scary. I can hear myself saying the same thing to my Husband, "I don't want to go through it!" right in beginning of labor.

[synergy]

I've always been fascinated by the idea of being in labor and delivering a baby. I'm completely opposed to the way the allopathic medical system treats birthing though.
It's completely unnatural and they treat birth as a trauma, instead of a natural event.

I've read and heard lots of horror stories, but also lots of amazing stories from women who have looked outside of conventional practices.. The most intriguing stories are about ecstatic/orgasmic births. The idea of this resonates with me completely and I know that's the kind of experience I'll have too. Read some of those stories to give you a different perspective! Some of them are so moving I was in tears. You can read some at www.orgasmicbirth.com

[Thanks for saying I'd be a great mom, that made me :D ]

[Fyvel]

Yeah I don't plan on giving birth in a hospital unless there is a really good reason for me to be there. Otherwise I plan on having a somewhat natural birth, probably in a local birth center (I'm not really brave enough to do it at home I don't think)

[coley]

I get really annoyed with women, upon finding out someone is pregnant, eagerly telling them the horror stories. If I had a dollar for every time someone said forceps I would be a very rich lady.

In all honesty, it hurts. But if you are able to give birth in a natural way, your body is able to produce an amazing amount of endorphins which enables you to 'float' in between contractions. It is a life giving pain, and a really powerful experience as a woman. I was in labour for 19 hours and it felt like around 5 mins.

I know it sounds strange, but I'm looking forward to giving birth the next time. I feel my body and mind are better prepared, and the experience will be even more peaceful. I gave birth last time in a birth centre, and would probably do it again. Anywhere with a big pool though will do me though.

I agree with fyvel. The scary stuff comes afterwards!:p I think the book New Active Birth by Janet Balaskas is a great resource for anyone about to give birth too.