Hi Guys

I'm so sorry.......for the past couple months I have been on a meat-eating binger! The reason I quit eating meat was for health reasons and because my love for animals was so incredibly strong.

This past Jan. '03 I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I stopped eating all meat products and felt incredibly better. I was to have 6 month checkups to see if all was well. Unfortuntately this past Aug. my cervical cancer returned and my uterus was FULL of tumors...so I figured "what the hell - not a single person gives a s--t about me - why not eat meat? I'm fat, I have cancer - what the hell? Eat is anyway!"

Well, Aug. 27th I went through a total hysterectomy, but they left my left ovary and found that the cancer had NOT gone into my uterus (which, by the way, was FULL of tumors). It's so sad - I feel like I have lost a large part of myself and I am SO ANGRY!!!! This is the only place that I feel like I can talk about this and I am crying as I write this!! What the hell is up with that? I just want to blame the world for all of this happening to me! I am only 42 years old and I should be in the prime of my life! I should be celebrating that I have raised my children, I have money to relax with, that I am in "pretty good shape" and that I have a family who loves me no matter what. But what is the matter??????? I was left with one ovary (so I don't have to go through hormone replacement; my tumors were ALL benign) so what's up????

To everyone out there? Why did I start back with eating "flesh" again? What the hell is wrong with me? I am so sorry to everyone and all the poor animals who gave their lives to me! I just want someone to feel as bad as I do!

I just wanted to get this off my chest. I miss my VeggieBoards so much. I was so ashamed to log-on. I hope that you can all forgive me - and the animals can forgive me. I'm so sorry.

You should never beat yourself up. :wall: It was a mistake and you realize that now. I am here to support you totally. :hug: I can't say I understand about cancer, but I do have endometriosis and cysts and know about pain and other things. You are only human-people make mistakes. Look at it this way- you didn't specifically(?) ask someone to kill the animal for you nor did u do it yourself, so you only suffered a little bad karma. You are a great person deep down and I know it will prevail.

Many Blessings. :hug: :yes:

:hug: No need to apologize, hun. You're not alone! You went through an *enormous* amount of stress, got bummed out and reacted by eating meat. I know this makes you feel bad, but you must realize that it's human nature to "punish" ourselves when we're not feeling good about ourselves. I've been there, done that.

So, you just hold your head high and proclaim that you are not a bad person. Obviously, you've learned a good lesson from this all and are ready to start anew. Good for you!

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this rough time. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, though! Be kind to yourself. :hug:

Sounds like you have been through a lot. :(
I think we all do under duress, things we normally wouldn't.
Glad you are back being a veggie, now. :)

Smaurer --
You've been through a rough enough time without having to give yourself grief over something that's behind you. Please don't dwell on it... :( :hug:
Take care of yourself. I miss seeing you in the hamsters.

It's okay, Smaurer. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

Sky

There is no need to apologize. I started a thread way back about the way physicians are too quick to remove women's reproductive organs.
In that thread I included some links.

This is general info on the problem (and legal advice if necessary)
HERS Foundation — www.hersfoundation.com

And this is a support group.
Sans Uteri — www.findings.net/sans-uteri.html

Certainly we all want to lend our support, whatever you may eat!

Your value to our community is not based on your eating habits.

You are not a bad person for eating or not eating meat. There is no where here you need to apologize to and, frankly, it isn't any of our business anyways. In my opinion, you are as welcome here as ever before. Don't beat yourself up over it. Don't worry about it.

Take care. Heal. Both inside and out.

I don't think you owe an apology to anyone. I'm very sorry to hear of all you've been through. :hug: I know that I sometimes do things that I wouldn't normally do when I'm trying to cope with difficult situations.

Don't judge yourself too harshly, ok? What would you say to a dear friend who came to you with the same experience? I'll bet you'd be sympathetic & understanding. Maybe you could be sympathetic to yourself, too? You do deserve it.

My story is in those threads that Thalia linked (I think, they're here somewhere). So, I'll spare the whole story again. I can totally relate Smaurer. I had a partial hyster. at 32 and a total a year later at 33. No ovaries were spared from the tumors. Mine were benign. I also am on a cancer watch. You have kids? There's one huge reason to be thankful and not get down on your situation. I didn't get that chance and still deal with mental crap from it every few months. It's not easy when they take your womanhood. You don't feel complete somehow anymore. Strange how a part that you couldn't see would leave such a hole once it's gone. A part of your emotions is due to your hormones evening out. Even though you still have one ovary, the amount of estrogen produced isn't at the same level so you body is now adjusting. Don't throw in the towel and give up on life! You got so much still left!

This helped me tremendously after my surgery, maybe it'll help you. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and just start writing everything and anything that comes to mind. Don't worry about it making sense or being in any kind of order. Just get those emotions and thoughts out. Just let it flow freely. This will help...trust me. Like taking the top off of a pop bottle. It will relieve some of the pressure. How you're feeling now is o.k.....most women feel sad and depressed after a hysterectomy. So know that it's ok. But also know that it's not healthy to stay in this for an extended length of time. So, let yourself grieve for what was, write it all down to get it out and sort it through, and hopefully you can start the inner healing process.

Bless you...take care.

Ruthie

:hug:

smaurer, lots of hugs to you. Please don't apologize. You have been through a lot, and your primary concern should be getting yourself better. You are always welcome here. :)

Best wishes, I hope that you will soon be through this.

You guys are all so wonderful! Thanks for listening to me when I was really down.

MsRuthieB - Yes - I have 4 children and 7 grandchildren. They have really kept me going. Thanks for the info, too. It makes sense that the hormones have gotten a little out of whack! This whole ordeal happened very quickly, within 3 weeks to be exact, and I am still reeling.

I am also going to check out the web sites you guys gave me. But, ultimately, the decision was mine as to what was going to happen. I was given a choice - drugs now - surgery later; or surgery now and get on with it. I knew I just couldn't leave the grandkids with someone sick and who could possibly grow sicker. I mean - who's going to be there to tell them how their own parents were really bad when they were the same age? Or take them on their first roller coaster? Or teach them how to blow bubbles with their gum? I just knew I had to be healthy for them. I just didn't expect to be so angry!

Thank GOD for all you VB'ers! You have helped me keep my sanity. I really felt that at one point it just didn't matter what the heck I ate - I just ate with no thought or feeling to the whole process! It's just now that I am feeling better about things...and you guys are the ones who have done it for me. I hate to say it, but even though my family was here and helpful - they couldn't understand what was going on. Neither could they understand when I told them I was so ashamed and upset to have scarfed down meat. But - it's such a personal thing to me and I am happy to say that I am "meat free" once again. It may be why I am feeling so much better!

Again - thank you for all the good wishes and hugs from everyone. You all hold a place in my heart and soul!

the only person you owe an apology too is yourself for beating yourself up over something that in the grand scheme of your life is not as big a deal as what you are going thru right now. as for bad karma....you've already paid for that with your uterus and an ovary and i bet the scales are even...maybe even tipped a little in your favor. eat veggies, fruit, meat...dirt or rocks for all i care as long as it makes YOU fell well and happy

eat veggies, fruit, meat...dirt or rocks for all i care as long as it makes YOU fell well and happy

I don't think she'd feel good eating rocks. Can you image trying to pass one? :stinkeye: :sick:

LOL, Krista.

Smaurer, you don't owe anybody an apology. Cancer isn't an easy thing to go through. I was diagnosed with Wilms Tumor Cancer when I was 4 years old. The tumor grew on my left kidney, which was later removed. I had to go through chemo therapy. I was so sick. Luckily, after the surgery and the chemo, I was ok. Thankfully, I haven't had any problems since. I remember being very scared and very ill. Had it happened after I went vegetarian, I think I might have started eating meat again, too. It's such a stressful and scary time, that one of the first things you do is find as many comforts as you can, comfort foods being one of them (meat is a comfort food for almost everybody!).

Take care of yourself. Like others have said, don't judge yourself too harshly. You made a mistake and now you're back on the path you want to be on. Life is good, even when times get rough.

Smaurer-Research from one end to the other hormone replacement therapy(s) before starting any. There are very dangerous risks associated with quite a few of them. I was on EstroTest for about 4 months. I started researching about 4 months in and found that users who stay on for a certain amount of time increase their risk of breast cancer (to name one) by 5x's. Needless to say, I stopped taking it and didn't replace with anything else. I found I didn't really need it. Just my last bit of advice. Better safe than sorry, especially if you've already been fighting illness.

smaurer,

I agree, eating meat doesn't make you a bad person...
It's a personal choice, and no-one here should be passing
judgements on anyone...
Do what you think is right...
I hope you are feeling better now...
What you have been through sounds terrible, you poor thing...
Here's to your health!
Blessings to you!