I wasn't sure where to post this but...

My mom is going to get a "tummy tuck" and I am very upset about this. I can't believe she would deliberately allow herself to be mutilated. She already got blinded in one eye by cataract surgery and it was so hard watching her go through that. I can't bear to see her in that kind of pain again! I've told her how I feel.

But she is sure she is going to do it! Do any of ya'll know someone who had it done and could ease my fears? Or is it really just as awful as I just know it is!?

Are you more upset that the surgery is elective as opposed to necessary? Do you fear that she won't be the same physically after the surgery. I assure you, that your mom will be the same person before the surgery with a little more self confidence. As someone who is contemplating plastic surgery herself, I don't see anything wrong with having a tummy tuck. Provided that your mom is doing this for herself and her self esteem.

Talk to Equipro.

Are you more upset that the surgery is elective as opposed to necessary? Do you fear that she won't be the same physically after the surgery. I assure you, that your mom will be the same person before the surgery with a little more self confidence. As someone who is contemplating plastic surgery herself, I don't see anything wrong with having a tummy tuck. Provided that your mom is doing this for herself and her self esteem.

Well, I think I am just nervous that something will go wrong. I've never really thought I was opposed to the idea of plastic sugery, but I knew that when she told me she was going to do it...I grew so worried. She has so many other health problems. She says her doctor thinks the weight loss will help her get better...the lost weight will help her exercise. She is doing it more for her health than for beauty reasons. I just keep thinking about her in that room after her eye surgery, and how she had hope for so long that her eye would get better....

It's ok to have strong feelings, but certainly don't let them get in the way of your relationship or in the way of your mother's free will to make choices for herself. Ultimately, you have to leave it up to her and trust that it is the right decision. Also, you have to support her in this process, or it will be more difficult for her.

look at this surgery as serious--as all surgeries are--but not as something extremely dangerous or mutilating. it can help her--and it probably will. mutilation can be as strong a word as "hate" or even the "n-word" or the "b-word" for some people and indicates something far more drastic, extreme, and painful than elective procedures that can help people reclaim their health physically, mentally, and emotionally.

after her surgery, help her out as much as you can--particularly once she is healed--by supporting her exercise and other lifestyle changes.

GOod luck!

Also, i find that "Extreme Makeover" tv show to be very helpful in getting rid of fears of plastic surgery.

I'm not going to write much tonight because I am tired and headed to bed. I had a tummy tuck and I am thrilled to have had it.

That being said, there are a lot of things to consider. She MUST go to a plastic surgeon that is board certified, well respected and performs the "Victoria's Secret" style tummy tuck unless there is no other choice.

She needs to understand that this will not cure her weight problems. She will still have fat (a good surgeon leaves some fat there so that it will heal properly - lipo down the road for touchups is a must), and that, even if she has miserable stretchmarks, like I did, they will be deminished, but not go away.

I'll post more later, but remember - this is her body. If this is what she wants, you should support her. You are young and probably don't truly understand what happens after bearing children and such. You see your mom as, well, a MOM. But we Mom's see ourselves as we used to be in many ways. Sometimes our bodies just are keeping up with our vision.

I had a lot of weird skin after my pregnancy. I can't describe it - it was thin and hangy and strange. The tummy tuck took care of that and I am happy with it.

BTW, I was 39, had a tummy tuck, a breast lift with implants (to fill in the empty sacks that my breasts had become after the baby), my eyes and jaw done and lipo. I was fine. I figured, hell, I'm paying through the butt for the hospital stay, I might as well get all done that I could.

I need to get in for touchups, but I don't have the $$ right now. Please tell her that people don't look like the do on extreme makeovers - no one heals in 6 weeks (for tummy tucks it is a year), and she might still be heavy BUT her tummy will look MUCH better.

But she's 62! She's been married for 30 years! She has diabetes! She has bad ankle problems. Her breasts are still amazing at her age. (She would die if she read this!) She rarely even wears makeup! I just don't understand why she would want to do this?

Because it is *her* body. I'm not a huge supporter of young people having plastic surgery person myself, but there comes a point and age where they are grown women with non-young bodies and should be allowed AND SUPPORTED to have whatever body they want.

As for your list, Perhaps she wants to remind her husband what she looked like 10 years ago. Perhaps she wants to remind herself of that. Perhaps she is tired of having all these medicial problems and would like to see a doctor for a completely selfish reason for a change. Perhaps she needs more then just a hair cut to pep herself up and a tummy tuck would do that.

I dont know how much weight she needs to lose, but a tummy tuck (like Equipro said) won't take it all away. She won't go in at, let's say 225lbs, and come out 140lbs. I believe, and pls correct me, that they don't like to take off more then 30lbs of fat total from anyone.

I dont know how much weight she needs to lose, but a tummy tuck (like Equipro said) won't take it all away. She won't go in at, let's say 225lbs, and come out 140lbs. I believe, and pls correct me, that they don't like to take off more then 30lbs of fat total from anyone.

the 30 lb. thing sounds about right. a friend of mine had lipo and a tummy tuck done just 3 weeks ago...while she was searching for the right surgeon, she learned a lot. It seems as if the "new" breed of docs will not work on anyone that is really overweight. It seems as if they prefer doing work on people with a minimal amount of excess fat. Of course, all of this info is second hand...

anodekraft - I'm not too hip on the idea of plastic surgery either...especially not for younger women...but if it will make her feel good about herself, that's a good thing! I was really worried about my 30 year old pal getting work done, but I know she was doing it for herself...all I did was support her in her decision, because I knew it would make her happy..and she's very happy now. She feels much more comfortable in her body. Just try to give your mama lots of love and support.

kristadb writes:
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[she] should be allowed AND SUPPORTED to have whatever body they want.
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Not if the procedure is dangerous. It is especially dangerous if she has diabetes.

Besides the possibility of death, there is also the possibility of lifelong intractable pain, large areas of skin numbness, and incisional hernias, and dozens of more operations to repair the ill effects of the previous operation. Incisional hernias can cause intestinal or bladder incarceration and strangulation and death -- years after the tummy tuck.

In my opinion, much cosmetic surgery is for people who think how they look is more important than how they feel -- a strange breed of person.

An abdominal hernia is undoubtedly a more serious condition than loose skin and excess fat in the abdomen.

Making the assumption that the number of web sites devoted to a subject was a reflection of how much interest there was in a subject, I did some google searches to confirm that there was far more interest, among the medical community, in helping people with hernias than there was in helping people with too much skin and too much fat.

I searched for abdominoplasty. I did not do a second search for liposuction.

I searched for both herniorrhaphy (defined as "repairing a hernia) and hernioplasty (defined as "reconstructive surgery to deal with a hernia).

Total hits for abdominoplasty: 343,000
Hits for hernioplasty:2140; hits for herniorrhaphy: 5410. Total 7550. Actually there are less because many sites came up under both words.

But still: that is 45 times as much interest in repairing people's flabby tummies as there is in repairing their life-threatening hernias. Something very strange is going on.

Something is seriously wrong.

This does not seem to be a male-female thing as both males and females have abdominoplasties and, similarly, both sexes have abdominal hernia surgery.

Thank you for your responses. Thank you soilman for the info. I am in touch with my mother and I am trying to be supportive without really giving her my blessing, because I just can't! I'm trying to work through my Dad, who is acting sort of apathetic about the whole thing. (I love my Dad-think he is the best father ever, but he's so involved with his own "issues", he'll agree to anything my mom suggests just as not to have to talk about it) He seems to believe that there are NO health risks and "well, if that's what she wants..." I found out her sister has had it done some years back (we thought she just had willpower!) and she is a doctor, so I believe that is one big reason my mom thinks she should do it...they've always been very competitive. I don't know...I just want what is best... :confused:

Obviously, your mom is an adult, and if she decided to go thru with this, the right thing to do is to help her get thru it -- visit her in the hospital, help her the first few weeks she is healing, etcetera. And I think you should tell her this. In fact I think you should tell her you are worried about possible dangers, and you did a little research on the web and here are some of them, but if you still want to do it knowing them, I'll support you, and help you out. But this is pretty obvious; you don't need me to tell you this.